Shrunken?

Weird.

The other day I was going through my closet looking for something to wear and found some of my older sweaters from last winter. I tried them on but for some reason they’re a lot shorter and a little tighter. I don’t think I grew taller and when I weighed myself, it looked like I didn’t gain any weight either (unless the weighing scale is rigged).

I also noticed that none of the clothes I brought with me from the Philippines fit me anymore so I might as well give all of them away. My dad said maybe my clothes shrunk but I doubt it (after all, there were clothes I had never worn since I moved here which means they never went in the dryer so they couldn’t have possibly shrunk unless clothes shrink when they’re kept in your closet too long).

It’s about time that I did some closet-cleaning anyway. I need to sort my clothes and take away those that I won’t be wearing anymore. It’s getting too crowded in there.

I have made a resolution to stop spending (I know, I’ve said this a million times before) so older clothes will have to do. I really NEED to save MORE.

Teleserye

I was bored last night so I ended up going to YouTube and watching a bunch of videos. I was just randomly entering keywords in the Search Box to see what videos would come up and eventually I stumbled upon some old teleserye videos which I found quite interesting to watch. They were, of course, very very cheesy and quite shallow but entertaining nonetheless. I wouldn’t even dare mention which one it is. It’s quite embarrassing, you see. It was with Anne Curtis and Oyo Boy Sotto (ayan ha, I told you na who starts in it so it should narrow it down for you by much).

I couldn’t help it, I was so curious that one episode led to another until I had watched 18 episodes of it. The sad part was, all the other episodes after episode 18 are missing and they don’t have it on YouTube. By this point, I was already hooked and I needed to know what was going to happen next. So I went on ol’ trusted Google and searched for the missing episodes. It was so late already and I really needed to get some sleep so I settled with a website that had episode by episode synopsis all the way until episode 30. Of course it wasn’t as exciting as watching a video but at least I got to know what happened and how it ended.

There was one episode that got me crying and my dad just happened to enter my room at that point. He took one puzzled look at me, looked at what I was watching on my laptop, put two and two together and closed my bedroom door laughing.

Skin woes.

Some people have allergies.

Others are more prone to getting things like colds and the flu.

I, on the other hand, have VERY sensitive skin.

I don’t remember my skin being so sensitive when I was little. But as I grew older, my skin just became…well… picky. I always have to be careful about the products I use like soap, body lotion… almost anything that touches my skin. I even have to be careful about the hair products I use simply because the tip of my hair touches my back.

What’s even weirder is that there are certain clothes I can’t wear because my skin doesn’t like the fabric or there’s something in it that just causes irritation. For example, wool and I don’t mix. Back home (in the Philippines) I owned these pair of dress pants that the doctor told me to stop wearing because I’d get rashes if I wore them. At first, we thought it might be the laundry detergent that we use for washing our clothes that might have been causing it but it eventually came down to the dress pants. Isn’t it ridiculous?

Lately, I’ve been having a sneaking suspicion that I am developing some kind of irritation towards the tights I wear during winter to keep my legs warm. I could stop wearing them altogether but then I’d be cold outside. What I don’t understand is that I never used to have a problem with wearing them and now it seems like my skin doesn’t like them anymore. Bummer.

Another reason to go see a doctor I guess.

Peelings

Just thought I'd share with you one of my favorite Happy Slip videos:

Dao Ming Si

I have no idea why but all of a sudden I remembered my beloved Meteor Garden and of course, my Dao Ming Si.

Oo na, baduy na kung baduy, but he is still my celebrity crush. Nyak! Hahaha! Pero oo, talaga.

I still remember the whole Meteor Garden craze when all we could do was watch the very addictive, slightly crazy, I-don’t-know-why-I’m-watching-it-but-I-love-it-anyways show. I remember finding out they sold pirated copies of the entire season and asking my dad if he could take me to Quaipo to buy my very own set. Panu, nakakainis manood sa TV.. sandamakmak naman kasi na commercial.

I remember Ana and I going through forums and Google, looking for fan sites and websites that gave episode synopsis and of course, had a LOT of F4 pictures in them. Kabaliwan ba? Um, yeah.

I remember watching each episode with my mom and crying over the episode where Dao Ming Si falls in love with Yesha. Hey, he’s supposed to be madly in love with Shansai noh! Just because he got his memory wiped clean doesn’t mean Yesha should have him (even though she was such an adorable and sweet character... plus he’s supposed to be mine! LOL).

I remember when F4 came to the Philippines and we were dying to go see them but the tickets were so freakin’ expensive! It was literally worth an arm and a leg and maybe worth my whole torso na rin. Of course we couldn’t afford it.. even if we saved our allowances. I also remember when my mom bought me those F4 posters. At the time it was so great but now...Ah yeah... I think I’m a little embarrassed.

And I remember when Bench had Jerry Yan as their model and they had this promo where if you spent a certain amount of money on Bench, they’d give you a free Jerry Yan calendar. Those bastards were smart... they changed the picture all the time and you had to keep spending to get the stupid calendar. You know what’s even worse? I fell for it. But hey, I only have 1 poster which means I only spent once and then I just had to let it go. My slight obsession with the guy was costing me money.

I even bought those F4 concert cds and even though I had no idea what they were saying in their songs, I still loved listening to it and watching the VCD. Don’t ask me why.

Makes no sense huh? But I think each one of us is entitled to a little bit of cheesyness and maybe a moment of um.. um.. ah.. yeah.

Doctor Too Busy

I called the doctor’s office this morning to try and book an appointment and guess what? She’s fully booked for atleast another month! Talk about lack of doctors or maybe an overflow of patients? You tell me.

I was just thinking to myself, what if it is an emergency? Not the kind that you take to the emergency room but the kind that’s more like, “I’m not really sure if there’s anything wrong with me but I’d rather have it checked out now than later just so I can sleep better at night.”

It’s one of those weird things in life where when you really, really need something/someone you can’t get it and when you don’t need it, it’s just plain available for your taking. Don’t ask me why, but it just seems to work that way… most of the time.

Anyhoo, the person that answered the phone was Filipino and was really nice to me. She said I should prolly book an appointment now before it gets really packed. Gee, you think?

Steve suggested going to another doctor which I might just do… but my mom really likes this specific doctor so I’m undecided. But what the heck, at least I have an appointment booked already.

Snow.

Here is a funny video of my parents having fun with the cold!

It sure feels and looks like winter already although it officially starts in a few weeks. We had our second snow storm yesterday and according to the news, it was unusual for Canada to be hit by 3 storms at once… from the east coast all the way to the west coast. Even British Columbia where snow storms rarely hit had 40 cm of snow!

We left the house early yesterday morning to go to mass and there was a ton of snow on the ground. It was as high as my mid-leg and since it was still so early, they hadn’t plowed the snow yet and we had to trek. I’m so glad I bought a really practical pair of snow boots or else I would have had to wear my black leather boots and it would have been really difficult to walk. As much as I hate the winter and the cold, I always like fresh snow on the ground because it’s so beautiful and it’s really soft when you step on it… it’s like fine powder. It’s always so very quiet after a snow storm because snow seems to absorb noise… and it doesn’t feel as cold. My parents, brothers and I were having a lot of fun with it. I was making footprints and kicking snow around while Miguel playfully teased us with snowballs. He never really throws one at us… he just throws it at a wall.

After mass, we went grocery shopping and since we took the bus, it was quite challenging to carry heavy grocery bags, make our way through snow and ice and get on and off the bus at the same time. I almost fell several times and JR had to help me get on and off the bus since there was a huge mound of snow right where the bus door opens. We had to step over the huge mound and at one point, it was so wide that I alsmost did a split while holding grocery bags. Although it was a little difficult, I couldn’t help but laugh it off. Good thing my brothers were helping me.

Here are some pictures I took!

3 Snow Plow Trucks working in harmony to get snow off the road

My foot in the snow

Lots of Snow

Pinoy Food at Last!

My left arm feels a little sore from the flu shot I got yesterday... and yes, I still get shots at my age. If you must know, my mom is very diligent when it comes to getting her kids vaccinated. Regardless of how old her kids may be.

The government of Ontario provides its residents with a free flu shot each year and all you really need to bring with you is your Ontario Health card. The health card is also free... you just apply for it at the Ministry of Health and they mail it to you after a couple of weeks. I think it’s a privilege that people should take advantage of.. I mean, other provinces in Canada charge you for a flu shot.. you might as well take advantage of something that is being given to you for free.

After getting the flu shot, we went to a Filipino Restaurant called Jesse Jr. I’ve never been there before, although I’ve heard of it, and I don’t really know a lot of Filipino restaurants in town so I was a little excited to see what they had. I was really craving for sisig! I can’t even remember the last time I had it back home!

So off we went and Steve came with us. The place was decent and they had a big menu to choose from. It was quite cheap considering how much food they give you. To be honest, I don’t know a lot of Filipino foods by name so most of the time I just point at whatever looks good. Poor Steve was relying on me to tell him what they were and all I could do was ask the server because I had no idea what they were either! The food was great and I was surprised that Steve liked it too since it’s his first time trying Filipino food. It’s definitely going into our list of good places to eat at.

Best Days

love this song.. i always end up thinking of my friends back home who i am missing every single day...

With everything I've ever done
I'd give it all to everyone
For one more day
Another night I'm waking through
Another door I walk into
I can't break

And it's a winding road
And it's a long way home

So don't wait
For someone to tell you it's too late
Cause these are the best days
There's always something tomorrow
So I say let's make the best of tonight
Here comes the rest of our lives

I count the steps
The distance to
The time when it was me and you
It's so far gone

Another face,
Another friend,
Another place,
Another end,
But I'll hang on

And it's a winding road

And it's a long way home

So don't wait
For someone to tell you it's too late
Cause these are the best days
There's always something tomorrow
So I say let's make the best of tonight
Yeah, let's make the best of tonight
Here comes the rest of our lives
Rest of our lives

And it's a winding road
It's a long way home

So don't wait
For someone to tell you it's too late
Cause these are the best days
There's always something tomorrow
So I say let's make the best of it

Don't wait
Cause no one can tell you it's too late
Cause these are the best days
There's always something tomorrow
So I say let's make the best of tonight
Yeah, let's make the best of tonight
We'll make the best of tonight
Here comes the rest of our lives

Best Days
Graham Colton

Ho Ho Ho Season is almost HERE!!

I can’t believe Christmas is just around the corner. Parang pasko lang kahapon tapos pasko na naman ulit. Ambilis talaga…

Steve and I were talking about our Christmas week off and the possibility of having to go to work some of days of that week and he said, “Christmas is in 5 weeks…”

I was so surprised.

In the Philippines, September rolls by and we start playing Christmas songs on the radio and we have our infamous countdown till Christmas day and then all the lights and Christmas décor begin appearing everywhere! So the anticipation builds up.

Here in Canada, although Christmas is also celebrated, it’s not as big of a fuss at is it is back home. A contributing factor is that Canada is so diverse that not everyone celebrates Christmas. So the "ber" months are going by and I'm barely noticing that Christmas is fast approaching.

It’s really shocking how fast time flies… I would have loved to be able to go back home for Christmas. It would be really, really nice… It would have killed me financially though..

Google Language Tools

Today I learned how to use the Google Language Tools and I think it is uber cool and extremely useful. I remember reading about it from one of the websites I visited some time ago but I never really got a chance to look into it.

I was looking for some new templates and came across a website with lots of resources but was written almost entirely in Spanish. Try as I might, I can only somewhat distinguish some of the words and what they mean but for the most part, I was confused. Remembering what I read about Google being able to translate websites to a language of your choice, I decided to look into it.

It's really neat because it allows you to specify the language and run a search and it automatically translates it for you. I searched for a website I wanted to visit and I was really impressed that it displayed it english and what impressed me is the fact that it didn't just translate the words but seem to have kept the grammar intact. I've only looked at one website so I don't know how good of a translation it does with other, possibly, more complex sites.

Supposedly crazy science!

It's been sometime since my last post and I, unfortunately, cannot think of anything witty or amusing to write so instead I would like to share with you something I found quite entertaining to read in another person's blog.

Crazy Science

I coulnd't help but laugh at the first and sixth theory...enjoy!

Swiped from Bom (again)

Name: Karen
Age according to your birth certificate: 24
Age you really think you are: At times 7, sometimes 16 and sometimes, surprisingly 24.

1) What are 5 things you really like about yourself?
- I can be very sweet
- I’m very easy going
- I give everything my best shot or at the very least try to
- When I love someone, I show them
- I have really good memory

2) What is one accomplishment you are really proud of that you can't ever write down in your resume?
- Tough one... the only thing I can think of right now is the fact that I went on all the slides at Splash Island even when my brothers wouldn’t go

3) If you could live a secret life, what kind of secret life would you live?
- A superhero or a secret agent

4) What is the loveliest thing someone's told you lately?
- “I actually think I sleep better when you’re beside me...” (awwww)

5) What is the most supreme act of kindness ever shown to you?
- I can’t single out an act of kindness because when I think about it, they’re all equally dear to me.

6) What is your inner child wearing right now?
- a simple, pink dress

7) Describe the very moment you first fell in love.
- I don’t think falling in love comes instantly.. at least not for me. I fell in love gradually so there is no one exact “moment”. But it felt exciting and scary at the same time when the realization hit me.

8) Describe your favourite person without using any adjectives.
- A blessing

9) Complete the sentence on your future headstone: "Here lies...."
- a daughter, wife, mother and friend who lived and loved well.

10) What movie character would you love to play?
- Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates (because it’s nice to be loved so much and be reminded of it even if I forget), Ziyi Zhang in House of the Flying Daggers (she kicks ass in this one..haha), Keanu Reeves in the Matrix (need I say more?)

11) Describe your perfect birthday cake.
- The sansrival cake my lola used to make for me when I was little. YUMMY!

12) A stadium of people are clapping for you and giving you a standing ovation. What did you just do to deserve this?
- I just gave a really inspiring and moving speech

The lucky 13 question: If you were a musical instrument, what instrument would you be and how would you like to be played?
- A cello... gentle but firm strokes that plays really moving music.

Must be nice...

I missed the last few episodes of Heroes that I have decided to just fore go all the other episodes until I have seen all the ones I missed. JR has been following it on a website that allows him to watch TV shows at his leisure. Maybe I should do that too.

I can’t believe how broke I am right now. My last pay cheque completely slipped through my fingers and not because I’ve been shopping a lot... I’ve just been paying bills! Ayayayayay.
Looks like Autumn has finally caught up with us. Can’t complain though.. we had a really long summer. I was surprised we had relatively warm temperatures all the way until the last week of October. Really unusual, I thought.

It’s that time of the month again for me and as usual, I am breaking out again. You’d think that since I’m already in my twenties that I’d be way past the whole i’m-breaking-out-because-i’m-a-teenager-phase. But nooo, i still freakin’ break out no matter what i do. I wish they’d invent something that I can purchase over the counter that will zap it instantly. Must be nice to be one of those people that had great skin all the time.

Steve and I took some time off work last week and we went to Bloor Street West to have brunch. We were wondering how come it was so busy even though it was a work day and it was mostly residential. But then again, it’s a pretty wealthy neighborhood and the houses near that are worth millions I’m sure. Those people can probably afford not to go to work. I was suddenly envious of the fact that other people can choose not to go to work because they can afford to. It must be nice to be able to sleep in, have brunch at a cozy little place and do whatever I want for the rest of the day and do it everyday and still be able to pay the bills and afford all sorts of things. But i do wonder if I’d miss working. I think I would...or might.

I’m not one of those people whose primary goal in life is to become unbelievably wealthy... but once in awhile I think to myself how nice it must be to have a lot of money and not have to worry about it.

My first tennis experience.

As usual, the weekend flew by. Steve taught me how to play Tennis. I have never played Tennis before and although the thought of playing was exciting, it also worried me a bit. Have you seen me? I’m tiny! I’m not good at sports that require a lot of strength or a lot of running. We didn’t play a real game. It was more like him lightly hitting the ball in my direction and me trying to hit it back. The first few times I completely missed the ball and was swinging at nothing but air and then I started to do better… just a tad bit better… not a whole lot. Thank God nobody else was at the tennis court except for a guy playing with his little daughter. It would have been really embarrassing if someone who was good at it saw my pathetic little self trying to hit the ball back.

Eventually I was able to hit it back but I had no control of where it went. Steve was running all over the place trying to hit my ball back. My balls where going everywhere! One of the balls actually went over the fence and hit one of the parked cars. Whoops! Hahaha!

I am so out of shape, it’s not funny. I was hyperventilating after being in the tennis court for only 10 minutes. After half an hour, my heart was pounding so hard I could feel my veins in my temples and it seemed as if my heart was going to burst out of my chest. Steve, on the other hand, was fine. I must have been a very frustrating opponent.

We only played for about 45 minutes or so and then we decided to leave it for another day because I was already exhausted. I had to lie down when we got home before going to the movies.

Although it was really exhausting, I loved it. Who knew Tennis was so much fun? I love playing Table Tennis so it was just a much bigger version of it and involved so much more running and more space to cover with my legs. My right arm and thighs are a bit sore but I would love to play again.

The Life Survey (from Bom)

SAD SECTION:

01. Have you ever really cried your heart out?
~ Yes… and so many times

02. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
~ Almost all the time. I usually end up falling asleep when I cry.

03. Have you ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
~ Rarely but I can think of a couple of occasions.

04. Do you cry when you get an injury?
~ Not really too much but there are times when I do.


HAPPY SECTION:

01. Are you a happy person?
~ Most of the time

02. What makes you happy?
~ Simple things… my loved ones, Steve, a good movie, a favorite song, great friends, blessings, a free parking spot... the good little things in life.

03. Is being happy overrated?
~ Never. It might not be necessary but it sure is important.

04. Can music make you happy?
~ It helps.


LOVE SECTION:

01. How many times have you had your heart broken?
~ A lot… not just with relationships but disappointments too.

02. Anyone besides your friends/family ever said they loved you?
~ Yes.

03. Have you ever told someone you loved them?
~ Yes, all the time.


HATE SECTION:

01. Who do you actually hate?
~ Hate is such a strong word. There are a few people that come to mind although I don’t know if I actually hate them or if it’s just dislike.

02. Have you ever made a hit list?
~ I think I thought about it once. Not that I intend on doing anything about it but I always imagined that if I had special powers, I would show them! Hahahaha!

03. Are you a mean bully?
~ Nope.

04. Have you ever been on a hit list?
~ Maybe?


SELF- ESTEEM SECTION:

01. Are you happy with yourself?
~ I’m ok with who I am. There are times when I get a little self-conscious but everyday I learn a little bit more about myself and there are things that I realize I can and cannot do and come to terms with it.

02. Do you wish you could be someone else?
~ Sometimes…not so much to be them, but just being able to do the things they do, be where they are or have what they have.

Trouble with others.

I realized long ago that I have a hard time forgiving and forgetting. It’s not the forgiving part that I have trouble with… it’s the forgetting. They say you don’t really forgive if you can’t forget but it’s not my fault that my good memory keeps reminding me. I always say that it takes a lot to get on my bad side but once you’re there, you’re there for good. I must have gotten really hurt or upset for me to remember. Moreover, the person must have done me wrong repeatedly in more than one way.

For the record, I don’t hate a lot of people (in fact, I can only come up with 2 right now.. I don’t even know if I really hate them or if it’s just dislike that I feel for them). Hate is such a strong word after all. Although I admit that at the heat of the moment, when I am truly upset, I utter the words “I hate…” (insert name here). But I get annoyed, irritated, and impatient every now and then (hey, who doesn’t?).

And then there are those very rare people that I meet that I don’t like from the get-go and I have no idea why. My mom tells me people tend to dislike those that they envy. I don’t know if that’s true ALL the time. There are people I don’t like but I don’t envy them. They just bother me… a LOT. I do realize that there are people in my life who I find difficult to get along with. Not that they did anything wrong to me… we just don’t click for some unknown reason. I don’t hate them either but I wouldn’t necessarily go out of my way to spend a huge amount of time with them. And to be honest, I can’t see myself spending a lot of time with them because I get very impatient. It’s something I realize I have to improve about myself but I’m struggling to be warm towards those I don’t like even if they didn’t do anything to me. So very wrong, I know.

I don’t think I’m a very difficult person to get along with but I’m not perfect. I realize there are people out there who must not like me very much either. But I guess we all try to get along as best as we can.

Today I learned…

• I like Smoked Black Forest Ham
  
• I like Havarti Cheese
  
• I don’t like Swiss cheese too much
  
• I have a tendency to slump over my desk… a LOT
  
• It is possible for me to do my usual morning rituals in under an hour

CN Tower.

Looking at Downtown Toronto from the top of the CN Tower

I finally went to the CN Tower on Saturday! Yay! Steve had gotten us free passes so we were able to get in for free and our tickets were for good for everything (except food). I took a few pictures and some videos using my cellphone but I haven’t had the chance to upload all of them (save for the few you see here) so most of them are still sitting on my phone.

My foot on the glass floors of the CN Tower

I have to admit I was a bit scared stepping on the glass floors. I didn’t think I’d react that way, to be honest. Steve was surprised to see me scared too. I did step on it but I felt a bit weak in the knees looking down. I can’t help but imagine myself falling to the ground. It said that the glass floors were durable enough to be able to hold the weight of 10 hippos but for some reason I just didn't feel safe stepping on it.

The elevator ride to the top and back down was pretty exciting because you could see everything outside (kinda like the elevators at Megamall). It would have been more enjoyable if I wasn’t so crammed in there. I also took a video of it but I don’t think it turned out too well. It might have been blurry.

It was a really good trip and we even went in the Motion Theatre afterwards which is basically a theatre where your seats move to give you the feel of whatever is happening in the movie. There was even a part in the movie where we got sprayed with a bit of water. Steve was holding our pictures which were taken in the CN Tower lobby and which we purchased afterwards and thankfully enough we had them wrapped in a bag so they didn't get sprayed.

Eventhough it was a chilly day and it was quite windy outside, I really enjoyed the trip.

Oh and did you know that CN stands for Canadian National?

W is for Work.

I’ve been saying over and over again how I plan to look for another job. So far, I haven’t accomplished anything. In fact, the resume I promised myself I would update is still sitting untouched on my hard drive. Yikes!

This month marks my second year with the company. I can’t believe it’s already been 2 years! I still feel that I’m not compensated enough so I’m thinking of having a discussion about it with the VP (hwek hwek hwek).

I’ve gotten so cranky the past few months that I’ve stopped trying to be nice all the time and instead of sugar-coating, I just tell the managers exactly how it is. Ok, I haven’t completely gotten over saying yes all the time but now I’m not afraid to tell the managers when I’ve got too much on my plate. I used to just keep on bending backwards for them. I still bend backwards but not all the time anymore. That counts for something, right? I don’t mind doing favors and taking on extra responsibilities… all I ask is that they be considerate with how I feel. Sino ba naman ang matutuwa sa tambak na trabaho tapos walang appreciation!

So it turns out that management has a way of tapping to our PC so they can see what we’re doing. I’ve always had a feeling I was being watched so this almost doesn’t come as a surprise to me. Even if they were monitoring what I did with my time, so what? I’ve always done what I’ve been asked to do and I’ve always been able to deliver as best as I can. If they have been watching me from the get-go, I’m sure they would know how I feel about them. LOL.

Squeeky clean.

I feel like my eyes are digging holes through my brain. Looking at the computer monitor for an entire day is not good. Nope, nope, nope.

Tita Judy is visiting from the Philippines this week and will be staying with us for a couple of days. Miracle of miracles, all it took was for a family friend to say she’s visiting and voila! The house is squeeky clean. I was so surprised to see the boys cleaning instead of playing on the computer. I’m glad to actually see more floor space in the living room instead of boxes and boxes of stuff. We didn’t really get rid of all the boxes but at least there are only a few of them left around the house.

Looking at those boxes made us realize how much junk we brought with us. JR and I were making fun of it… we even brought a power ranger action figure with us! How impractical and totally crazy is that?! We even brought some old school supplies (as if we couldn’t buy those here in Canada) and some old clothes that don’t even fit us anymore and are most likely not dryer friendly and will shrink as soon as we wash them. I guess for the most parts, we brought a lot of these old items with us because it was hard leaving everything behind.

I hope we get to visit the Philippines too… I miss everyone!

What would you choose?

If you could choose how you’re going to die, what would you choose? Die a sudden death which is both quick and painless or die with a terminal illness which is slow and could potentially be painful?

Most people I ask would say they’d rather die quick and painless. Very few would actually choose the latter. I can certainly understand why people would want a quick death… I mean, who’d want a slow, painful transition right?

But then when you think about it, both options have their own pros and cons. Although quick is most often painless, it is also so sudden. No opportunity to say your last goodbyes, no opportunity to make things right and no opportunity to tell your loved ones how much you love them. Someone did tell me he’d rather die all of sudden in all his health so people will remember him in his “good” state instead of leaving behind a memory of him detoriating.

Although it seems pretty crazy to want to die slowly and potentially painful, it does have its own pros to it. You’d probably detoriate right before your loved ones eyes and probably go through a lot of difficulty but at least you have a bit of time to say goodbye to those who are dear to you. At least you get a chance to tell the people you care for that you love them. The bottomline is that you get an opportunity to “take care” of things before you go.

What would I choose? Right now, I’m leaning towards the latter. I want to be able to say goodbye. I want to be able to tell the people I care for how much I love them. I want to make sure that the people I leave behind will be ok.

Of course, God still has the final say regardless of what I choose. I just pray that both me and my loved ones will be ok.

Swamped.

I can’t believe it’s been a month since my last post. I’ve been so swamped at work and too tired at the end of the day to even think about posting.

So what’s been up since my last post? I went to Calgary on business and stayed there for 4 days. I didn’t really want to go but I didn’t really have a choice either. I mean, how do you say “No, I don’t want to go” to the president of the company, right? At least I was happy about 3 things:

• I got to fly business class to and from Calgary (my first time!)
  
• I got to take Friday off work with pay and didn’t count as a vacation day
  
• The clients were pretty nice to me and it was an easy trip altogether

I wanted to go around downtown while I was there but I’ve been told almost eveything downtown closes at 6pm so I spent most of my time walking around the surrounding area of the hotel I was staying at.

I’m also relieved that I am no longer doing the majority of the training sessions since I have my hands full on manual writing and QA. Not that it’s been scratched off completely from my responsibilities but at least I’m not training every single day. It gets really tiring after a while.

The weather has been pretty nice. Normally, it’s a little cold already during this time of the year but it’s still a bit warm for this month which is a bit surprising to me. Not that I’m complaining… you know I love the warm weather.

Another thing, I turned 24 this month! Wahoo! Golly, the years just fly by! It was a simple b-day. Had lunch with Steve’s family that Saturday and then lunch with my family on Sunday both at the Danforth. Steve and I were saying how we are truly “all-danforthed” out! We can’t help it though because the food is always great and the patios are nice. You get to eat and sip a cold drink and just watch people walk by and enjoy a bit of sun. It’s just a bit of a hassle going to and from since traffic is a bit of a killer.

3 people in our office have gotten married this month. There must have been an office memo I missed requiring all single people to marry by this year. LOL!

I’ve been doing a lot better when it comes to managing my finances. I am proud to say I have been able to spend less and actually put aside money on my savings account. Yay! This is a big deal since I really, really need to start saving as much as I can.

That’s that… now back to work. Eck!

Vent.

Eto…vent muna ako kasi pagod.

I left work at about 7 pm last night because I had to train a client. I started training at 9:30 am… yup, it was that long! We didn’t even take a lot of breaks and to be honest the only real break we had was the one-hour lunch we took at noon. I was so tired by the end of the day that I could barely stand at the bus stop.

Naiinis ako… I am so swamped with work and exhausted from training that looking at my work calendar and my list of follow up items always depresses me. Isa pa, I think I will have to fly to Calgary and stay there for 4 days for business during the week of my b-day. Kainis talaga. I’m sure most people love traveling for work. I’m one of those few people that don’t like it. I don’t like it because it’s too much of a hassle for me. They always book my flight the same day that I have to train so I’m always rushing and I’m always too tired at the end of the day to actually have the chance to go around town. Mag-isa pa ako. At least other people get to travel in groups and do things together.

What’s more, the client isn’t pleased with our product but the President wants to send me so that I could “turn things around” so to speak. How could I possibly convince them when the product itself just doesn’t work for them?! Am I expected to make miracles? I feel like a tiny rabbit being sent to a pack of wolves and they’re expecting me to hop around without getting eaten. Great.

Little Ones.

If there is one thing you must know about me is the fact that I love listening to parents. I love hearing about what it is like to be a parent – the joys and pains of it all and what it feels like to raise a child. Since I was young, I have always imagined kids in my life one day. I know for a fact that I would definitely want little ones of my own.

Being the eldest of three children, I gave my parents a lot of “firsts” and I love hearing about their pleasant surprises and not-so-pleasant surprises when they had me and when my brothers and I were growing up. My brothers and I are blessed to have such good parents who are never shy to tell us how they feel or felt at times and what makes them happy, their hopes and dreams for us and who never fail to show us how much they love us. Occasionally, during dinner, my parents would tell us about the little things they remember the most about us growing up.

My mom endured 14 hours of labor when she had me and that I refused to come out so the doctors had to use forceps. Meanwhile, my dad was outside in the waiting room and refusing to eat or do anything but wait. My dad always tells me how anxious, excited and worried he was all at the same time because he had no idea what was going on in the delivery room. Both my parents would tell us that seeing and holding us for the first time gave them a feeling beyond words. Sometimes I try to imagine what I would feel like when I meet my child for the first time… but truth be told, I can’t imagine what it must feel like. I guess it’s one of those things you just have to experience on your own to know.

Sometimes I worry. I worry that I might be incapable of having kids. I worry that I won’t raise them right… that I won’t know what to do.

I love listening to parents talk about their kids and I like reading about it on blogs too. There’s just something magical and truly touching when a parent talks about his/her child. They glow… and it shows just how proud they are and how much their kids mean to them. My mom once told me that there is nothing like a parent’s love for a child. Both mom and dad tell me that having a kid changes your life forever. That it changes you.

I can’t wait.

Dying for a bite.

I am craving for…

• Tokyo-tokyo
• A Brothers’ Burgers combo
• Squid Balls from Odd Balls
• Siomai and mami from Henlin
• Halo-halo
• Leche Flan
• Jollibee & Chowking
• Sisig
• Jamaican Patties
• Avocado shake from the Big Chill
• Ice Monster
• Indian Mangoes

I’m so hungry! There’s so many that I miss eating simply because they don’t have it here in Canada. Sometimes I daydream of going to the Philippines and just going for a massive food trip. I think if I ever went back for a vacation, I’d gain a lot of weight. Guaranteed!

I've been Tagged.

Instructions: Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules.

At the end of your blog, you need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!

1. I only drink coffee in the morning, only a cup (which I difficult to finish) and only when I’m at work.
2. I am an impulsive buyer.
3. I tend to remember most things I hear.
4. It takes a lot to get on my bad side but once you’re there, there’s no going back.
5. Sometimes I get scared at night so I leave my lights on all the way until morning and when my brothers or parents ask me why I left it on, I tell them I forgot to turn it off and fell asleep.
6. When I leave the house late in the morning, it’s mostly because I couldn’t decide on what to wear.
7. I probably only own about 2 pieces of clothing that’s purple.

I'm tagging: Bom, Kaye, Marieseda, Arlene, Steve, Suzy and Frank

Road Kill (almost!)

The other day, I was in the car with Steve and all of a sudden he stops and tells me there are raccoons crossing. And then I saw two little, furry creatures run across the road in front of the car. They were running so fast, I could barely make out what they were. If Steve hadn’t told me they were raccoons, I would have thought they were squirrels. So there we were watching and Steve says, “Look there’s another one on the side” and I turn to see a third raccoon hesitating by the side of the road and then it suddenly crossed. But there was an on-coming car and both Steve and I watched in horror as it ran across the road with the car running towards it. I was so sure it was going to get hit and with my voice raised, I kept saying, “Oh no! It’s going to get hit! Do something!”

Thank God the little thing didn’t get hit. It barely missed it though…

I think they were young raccoons because they were still small. I would have been devastated if it had gotten hit. And right in front me too.

News Blues.

If there’s one thing you probably don’t know about me (or maybe you do) is that I don’t follow the news as much as I ought to. When I was younger, I didn’t like reading the newspaper because the paper itself and all that ink (or whatever it was on it) always made my hands dirty and I didn’t always have a sink and soap handy to wash my hands with.

Putting shallowness aside, one of the primary reasons I don’t like following the news so much is that it always depresses me in one way or another. It’s almost feels like a constant reminder that the world is screwed up, that there are people out there that are completely messed up and that the people we trust to make things better end up making a bigger mess of things.

Doesn’t it make you sad to hear that thousands of lives are lost everyday because of war, poverty, crimes, etc? Such innocent people who are just trying to live decent lives become prey to such horrible circumstances that could have been prevented.

Maybe I’m looking at it the wrong way? Maybe the news not only tells us what happens around us…but maybe it’s also a call for change?

New Design (yikes!)

Darn. I just bumped into another person’s blog and it looks soooo nice. Now I want a new theme too. Yargh!

I don’t know what it is… I can’t seem to stick with one design. I keep getting bored and looking for bigger and better things to do with my page. It’s sick, I tell you, because it takes a LOT of time to make changes to a page and make it look and work exactly the way I want it too. This strong desire for change keeps me awake late at night working on my page and gives me headaches in turn. It makes it even more difficult when there’s a limited number of resources and the fact that I can be pretty picky.

I should probably just invest some time in creating my own designs. Maybe I could extra money that way?

Use deo for crying out loud.

We live in the 21st century. You would think people would atleast realize this fact and how far the human race has gone. Yet, it surprises me that some people don’t seem to know deodorant exists.

I don’t mean to be prissy but try sitting in the bus for a long time beside someone who seems to be oblivious to the fact that he/she isn’t so “fresh” anymore. In fact, he/she is so far from it.

If you really are so used to your “scent” and really might be oblivious, wouldn’t it be safe to just put deo on anyway just in case?

Season Finale

Last night was the finale of So You Think You Can Dance. I got home a little late and missed the first 30-40 minutes of the show. I regret not being able to watch the whole thing and I was hoping there would be a re-run of it somewhere. Of course I didn’t help that the TV’s broken and the picture was fuzzy but I was happy nonetheless to have seen it (even if I could barely make out the people’s faces). I was really pleased that the choreographers picked out their favorite dances and the contestants performed them again. I also loved the fact that they highlighted some of the best moments and even showed some of the auditions that stood out. If only I taped all of them… then I could just play it over and over.

In a way I am a bit sad that the season’s over. It’s the one show that had no over-the-roof drama. It was pure fun to watch and because I love dancing, it was really entertaining. I’m not particularly good at dancing so I have such great admiration for the contestants who truly have talent. I loved seeing all the different choreography and the different styles of dancing and I loved all those wow moves that just left you with your mouth wide open (remember that move with Sabra wrapped around Neil and she falls down? Even the judges were in awe!)

One thing’s for sure, I’ll miss it.

Change.

The one thing that is constant in this life is change and yet it is the one thing that I find most difficult to cope with.

I don’t know why but everytime a change occurs, I get a little anxious. I like being in my “comfort zone”. I like the comfort of habit and the predictability of it all. I like knowing that if I do this and this and this, I will get what I want. I can’t but have expectations based on the things I do. Sometimes, change gets me excited and I actually look forward to it. But then most of the time, it just plain worries me. Most especially if that change has something to do with my personal life. I don’t like not knowing if the change will be positive or negative and I certainly don’t want it to be something that will cause me pain.

But if there’s one thing I learned growing up is that life doesn’t always turn out as planned and it almost never goes that way you expect it to go. Sure we can make plans, dream and hope for the best but we also have to be flexible enough to bend with the unexpected. It’s not always easy to be flexible especially if you’ve already invested so much in your plans. But what can one do, right?

Whatever we do, there will always be factors that are just out of our control and the best we can do is to try and make the most out of the situation and just trust in the knowledge that when God closes a door, he opens a window. And hope, hope with all our might, that we’ll be able to appreciate all of it in the end.

Work woes.

I am completely exhausted. The entire tech team has quit, save for one and several of us in other departments have been absorbing the work overflow. My calendar is fully booked with training sessions and I find myself spending more than half my day catching up on my emails and taking support calls. On top of it all, I have to do QA and implement clients which I am struggling to find time to do.

This is the disadvantage of working for such a small company. Everyone tends to do a bit of everything and when someone leaves, everyone else absorbs the work until a new person is hired to do the job. The sad fact is, we’re not even generating as much revenue as we hope so asking for a raise at this point is pretty pointless.

There are days when I feel like resigning but then there are days when it’s all good. But for praticality’s sake, I should look for a new job.

Rest in pieces.

Steve was playing this song on his PC the other day and I loved it...

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did
It has not healed with time
It just shot down my spine
You look so beautiful tonight
Reminds me how you laid us down
And gently smiled before you destroyed my life

Would you find it in your heart
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
(let me rest in pieces)
Would you find it in your heart
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
(let me rest in pieces)
Pieces

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
You got much closer than I thought you did
I'm in your reach
You held me in your hands

Would you find it in your heart
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
(let me rest in pieces)
Would you find it in your heart
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
(let me rest in pieces)

Would you find it in your heart
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
Would you find it in your heart
To make this go away
and let me rest in pieces

would you find it in your heart
to make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
(and let me rest in peices)
would you find it in your heart
and let me rest in pieces

would you find it in your heart
would you let me rest in pieces

would you find it in your heart
would you let me rest in pieces

would you find it in your heart
would you let me rest in pieces

Rest In Pieces
- Saliva

Things that made me smile today.

Steve saved lunch for me and later he made me dinner.

My new Abercrombie & Fitch shirt which fits me perfectly.

A loving brother who always asks me about my day whenever I come home.

Freshly laundered clothes sitting on top of my bed.

It's Friday.

Thinking of wearing my new dress.

Manicured nails.

A good hair day.

Received a really sweet compliment.

Realizing that I have such great friends.

Limits.

For the first time in 2 weeks, I felt cold sitting outside of Second Cup.

I am feeling down again and I don't know if it's because I am tired from work or if it is because I feel overwhelmed with everything that is going on around me. I try not to dwell on things but I am a natural at worrying and this has always caused me unnecessary anxiety. I keep having to tell myself that crap happens and I just have to go with the flow but I always find it difficult to let things slide and just take it as it comes.

I've always been one to stay within my comfort zone and anything that puts me outside of that zone worries me. But there must be some sort of conspiracy because I keep finding myself being pushed to go beyond the lines I have set for myself. Steve actually brought up an interesting thought today. He said that maybe I create too many boundaries for myself by being too careful. God might be telling me something here and I'm missing it somehow.

Annoyed.

I’m already exhausted and it’s barely 11 in the morning.

I’ve heard my name thrown around in the tech department, reception and on the phones. I can’t believe all the different things that popped up all at once. As much as I like my name, I don’t like hearing it so many times in one morning especially when you’re a pesky co-worker asking the same questions every single time when I’ve already given you everything you need in your email and all you have to do is read. And you can’t even do that properly. I know I sound mean… but I can’t help but feel annoyed when I’m already spoon-feeding you and you still need me to hold your hand every time.

I swear sometimes I feel the urge to just run out of the office and never come back.

My life as a telemarketer.

It suddenly occurred to me that I’ve never written about my days as a telemarketer. Being new to Canada in ’04 and adjusting to everything, I had spent my first three months going places like Ottawa and Niagara Falls and exploring downtown Toronto. After three months of frolicking, I decided it was about time I started looking for work. I was a fresh grad – I graduated in March ’04 and arrived in Canada in August.

To be honest, I felt lost not knowing what the industry is like in Canada. Back home, I had a pretty good idea of what I needed and where to begin. I decided to get a career counsellor’s opinion. He had advised that I apply for a job that would give me the necessary skills that would help me get to where I want to go (confusing ba?). And so he said that maybe it would be best if I applied for a job that would give me strong customer service skills since having good customer service skills would open a lot of doors for me. So I decided to apply for a position in a call center. I applied to one where I saw potential to move to either the tech or QA department (me being in I.T.).

I sent my resume, got a call shortly for an interview, went in and was offered the job the same day. It all happened pretty fast if you ask me – one minute I was home and jobless and the next minute I was making my way to work. The rules of that call center were quite simple: you begin on the floor (no, it doesn’t mean janitor… silly! It means man the phones) and then work your way up until you get to a position/department you want to be in. Simple in thought, difficult in reality. It was a telemarketing call center after all.

I hated it. I was ready to resign within the first three months. The only thing that stopped me was the thought of moving up somewhere. Although I dreaded work every single day, I wanted to get something out of the awful experience so I stuck to it for almost a year until I was able to get into QA. Once there, I had decided that I’ve ha enough experience to move on and began looking for another job. Soon after, I was able to land my current job.

Although it was a job I hated very much, I have to admit I learned a lot doing it.

I learned…

>> To always try to be polite with telemarketers on the phone although they are extremely annoying.

>> Remember that the person on the other end of the line is only doing his/her job and probably hates it too.

>> I was once on the other end of the line (although I was much nicer…haha)

>> There is no need to swear or yell or be rude on the phone.

>> I can always have my name taken of the call list if I don’t want them to keep calling (by law, they are required to take your name of a call list if you ask them).

>> Hardwork and patience do pay off.

A Bit of Bio

Nicked from Violet.

MOUTHOLOGY

Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Greek with Feta, Caesar or Thousand Island.

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. Brothers Burgers comes to mind right now

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. Gee, so many to choose from! Because I'm craving, I'd say Tokyo-Tokyo for now.

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. We normally tip depending on the service we get.

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick off of?
A. Indian Mangoes

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. Mushrooms, Green peppers, onions, pepperoni, mozzarella cheese, ground beef

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. Butter or Cream Cheese (most of the time)

Q. What is your favorite type of gum?
A. Mint - I always carry a pack of Excel Polar Ice with me

TECHNOLOGY

Q. what is your IQ?
A. Currently.... no idea. IQ is based on your age so I wouldn't know what level I'm in right now.

Q. Number of contacts in your email address book?
A. Safe to say it's over a hundred

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. A picture of Venice

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. Three - one in the living room, one in my bedroom and one in my parents' room but in reality only the TV in the living room is hooked.

BIOLOGY

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. Right-handed.

Q. What’s your best feature?
A. No idea...

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Nope

Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
A. sheesh.... touch, I think

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. Have I ever had one? If I did, a long, long time ago

Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
A. Probably Steve's duffel bag that was full of clothes.

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. Nah!

BULL[CRAP]OLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. No, I don't think so

Q. Is love for real?
A. Yes.

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. I'd retain my name... athough I've always liked the name Nicole... it wouldn't suit me though.

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Blue or Yellow

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. I’m pretty sure I have in the past but I can't remember what it is

Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A. Not that I know of

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. In a way - yes

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
A. If it were completely deserted then maybe I'd consider it

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. In the cheek? Yes.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. Heck no

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Maybe....it would be difficult though.

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. Tough... but no

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. Not worth it.... I'd die if I tried

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. No.

Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
A. I think I can do it.

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: Nothing

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: I haven't even seen it!

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: Hardwood

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: Stand

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: Yes

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: at least 5

Q: Where were you born?
A. Philippines

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: Never

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: Content and happy

LASTOLOGY

Q: Friend you talked to?
A. Steve

Q: Last person who called you?
A: Mom

Q: Person you hugged?
A: Steve

Q: Person you kissed?
A: Steve

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: 7

Q: Colour?
A: Blue, White.... pastel colors

Q: Season?
A: Summer

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A: Always

Q: Mood?
A: A bit tired

Q: Listening to?
A: The sound of my keyboard as I type

Q: Watching?
A: My monitor as I type away

Q: Worrying about?
A: work

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A: the bus stop

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Go on vacation

Q: What’s the last movie you saw?
A: The Zodiac on DVD; Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on cinema

Q: Do you smile often?
A: Yes.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: For the most part, yes.

Unpacking and the Sims

I'm back home after a few days of sleeping over at boss' place (FYI, the "boss" happens to be a "she" and I was staying over her place to watch over her cat while she was away for the long weekend). I started unpacking and putting my clothes away as soon as I walked into my bedroom. I took one glance just to check if everything's in place. I always do it even though I know no one really goes into my bedroom unless they need to borrow something (my cordless phone, laptop or some little thing) or put freshly laundered clothes on top of my bed. Since I'd been watching over a cat and most of my clothes were covered in cat hair, I put most of them in the laundry basket and the clothes that I never really wore and remained clean, I put them back in my closet. It always amazes me how much clothes I actually bring with me whenever I go away. It's when I come to realize I really do have plenty to wear.

After putting my stuff away, I grabbed my laptop off my bedroom floor (yeah, don't ask...), grabbed the new games I purchased from Future Shop and proceeded to install them. Steve and I had gone to Future Shop over the weekend and bought a few games (they were so cheap we couldn't resist it). We bought two games each and one of the games I had purchased for myself was "Sims 2 - Glamorous Life". It had been years since I last played the Sims and I thought it would be fun to play it again. So I put the CD in my drive and... it popped up a window saying I needed to have Sims 2 installed first. Dammit! I didn't know I had bought the extension pack!! It was right on the box too! Talk about reading skills... yeesh! I couldn't really be mad could I? My own stupidity, my own fault for buying the darn thing and not realizing I needed to have something else installed first. Double yeesh!

Since playing the game is out of the question, I decided to purchase songs out of iTunes and update my iPod and browse the internet. Duh.

At least I got some of my chores done... something productive.

Unbelievable

I can’t believe my own stupidity sometimes.

Last night I decided to organize my purse and put away my old Metropass. Without realizing it, I ended up putting away the wrong one.

This morning, I stood at the bus stop and waited 10 mins for the bus to arrive. When it finally did, I realized I had the wrong Metropass and couldn’t get on the bus so I had to go back upstairs to our condo, get the right Metropass, go all the way back down and wait for the next bus.

I wasted so much time waiting for the bus only to find out I can’t get on it and then wasted some more time retrieving the right Metropass and then waiting again for the next bus. Yeesh!

15 for 15

Got this from Bom.

RULES:
1. Write something about/for fifteen DIFFERENT people.
2. You can NOT (read: NEVER) say who they are.
3. If someone asks you which one is about/for them, you are NOT to tell.

*************

1. I look up to you in so many ways. You truly are a wonderful person with such a good heart.
2. Although we don’t always agree, I hold your opinion with such high regard.
3. I can’t imagine life without you in it.
4. You’re so stubborn! But I love and adore you just the same.
5. Even when you’re doing the most mundane of things, I fall in love with you.
6. I really hope we don’t drift apart for the stupidest of reasons. I hope I get to keep you in my life for as long as I can. Even if you don’t realize it, you mean a lot to me.
7. It is so easy to talk to you. I trust you.
8. I hope you find someone who will appreciate and treasure you. You deserve someone whose heart is as good as yours.
9. You better be in Manila when I come to visit. I’m so proud of you! I admire you for following your heart despite the many challenges you face.
10. I am at a point where I don’t know if I trust you or not.
11. Sana we can hang out together when I go there for a visit.
12. I think you are such a sweet person.
13. You try my patience a lot and I can’t help but be short with you sometimes.
14. Sometimes I’d rather not hear what you think. Really.
15. As long as you are happy, then I am happy for you. I just worry sometimes that you might be selling yourself short.

A Low

I'm having one of those low days.

Why does it always seem that the things you want the most are the hardest to obtain?

I like to believe that the good things in life are free but there are times when I question that. It feels as if we pay for the good times by having to go through the bad ones. It's as if we have to suffer first to be happy. I don't always feel this way of course, but during those really difficult days, I can't help but think of it.

It's come to a point where everytime I feel extremely happy, I worry. I worry that something bad is bound to happen. Because life isn't perfect and the good comes with the bad. It's a never-ending cycle, you know? High times, low times, high times, low times. It's as if we can only have peace when we die, when all the problems and concerns of the world are far from us. I guess this is part of the reason why the idea of going to heaven is so appealing to us... because finally we are home, where there is no pain and no suffering.

I consider myself to be a generally optimistic person although I think I'm wise enough to know that the reality of a situation isn't as peachy as I hope it would be. Should I be discouraged? Should I just accept the ways of the world, let myself be converned by rules that may not always make sense to me? I don't know. Although it certainly seems easier to just follow... do what the everyone expects of you. Would I be happy about it? Would it be all worth it in the end?

It's difficult to live your life when there are a lot of things that go against you. Not that you're necessarily doing anything wrong... it's just that different people expect different things. Different people want something from you, expect you to be more like them, to see the things they see, believe the things they believe and agree... agree that they are right and you are wrong.

I like to think that I can be strong when needed, that I can always bounce back from whatever is thrown at me. I understand that I can't please everyone and that I am bound to disappoint someone along the way. I also know that I am not perfect, I tend to make wrong decisions too and that at times I tend to be selfish and stubborn.

But I wish that people would see me for who I am - outside of race, religion, culture, sex, age, politics, ancestry... It's already difficult as it is to go through the hardships in life and being pre-judged makes it all the more discouraging. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, to be considerate and to understand where they are coming from and I wish I would be extended the same courtesy. Apparently, it's too much to ask for.

In Town

I feel more tired today than any other day of this week even though today was the slowest day of the week for me. I think it’s because it’s Friday and I am quite eager to get off work.

Leslie arrived in Toronto shortly after lunch and took a cab to my office. I have to admit that I was a bit worried with her taking a cab driven by an idiot. He was quite rude and didn’t know the addresses I mentioned eventhough they are fairly popular streets. I had to tell him to drive south and then I had to enumerate the streets he would be passing and all that.

Turns out she gave him some attitude during the ride too because he was rude to her. I love my cousin.

I was really glad to see her and gave her a small tour of the office. It - being a small office and all - only took me about 10mins to show her the entire place. I introduced to a bunch of people and afterwards, when we were safely out of earshot, told her who were good and who I hated.

Luckily, I’m still sitting at my old desk in my old office and we had the room to ourselves so we were free to talk. I was a bit swamped with work so I had to keep working on my PC while talking to her at the same time.

After work, Steve was sweet enough to drive us back to the airport to pick up Brian. Then we headed downtown to drop their stuff off at the hotel and then went to a Korean Grill for dinner.

After dinner, Steve and I dropped them off and then headed home ourselves since we were pretty beat from work. When I got home, I proceeded to unpack my stuff and continued reading Harry Potter. I couldn’t resist not finishing the book since I was so close already and was really eager to find out how the story ends. I finally finished around midnight and then went to bed.

Too bad I had to go to work today. I would’ve rather spent the day out with Leslie.

Down below we go

These past few months at work have been excruciating and interesting at the same time. For the most part – painful. I’ve been considering looking for another job. The problem is, that’s all I’m doing… considering.

Most recently, work has been a real rollercoaster ride. Like Steve said, it’s always been a rollercoaster ride but recently it almost feels as if we’re falling right through. Where do we put the blame? There are so many factors that contribute to possible demise of this company.

Several co-workers have submitted their two weeks notice and I think I should do the same. Looking for another job is a lot of work, I admit, but I think at this point it is quite important that I really put effort into it.

It’s time to move on.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I finally finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows!

Wow.

I have to admit I didn’t expect it to end that way. Some of the things that happened, I kinda guessed it already but some of them took me by surprise… wow.

Did I like it?

LOVED IT!

Dinner, The Toronto Zoo, Wonderland and Harry Potter

What a weekend I just had.

Friday night, Steve and I spent the evening with his family. I met his mom (finally!) and although she didn’t speak nor understand English, she was quite polite and friendly. She did give me a hug before I left and told me in Greek that she was glad she met me. Aww.

Then we went to his great aunts’ house and visited for a few minutes and then went to dinner with his dad. We ate at this tiny restaurant called New Orleans and it was quite nice. The place was cozy and warm and the food was absolutely AMAZING! It was a bit pricy of course… each meal was about $20 but it was delicious. I’m not such a big fan of fish but I had tilapia and I loved it. I would definitely go back there.

The following morning, Steve and I went to the Toronto Zoo with my family. We got there around 11am and went through the African Safari first and then the Indo Malay Region and then the Canadian territory and then finally the Dinosaur display. The Toronto zoo is huge! We didn’t expect it to be that big. It was really fun and we enjoyed seeing so many different animals. We saw rhinos, elephants, cheetahs, lions, a polar bear, grizzly bears, giraffes, a cougar, bald eagles, orangutans, gorillas, etc. It was nice to see Steve and my family spend time together. He gets along with them so well especially with JR who has always been the quiet one in the family. After 7 hours of walking, we finally decided to call it a day and head home. Surprisingly, we only covered half of the zoo with those 7 hours! There was so much more to see but we were exhausted already.

That same night, Steve and I pass by Yorkdale to grab a bite and watch a movie. We passed by Indigo because I wanted to get a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. After eating, we were too tired to do anything else so we decided to just head back home and leave the movie for the following day. We were both so tired that we both did the same thing – went straight to bed and woke up the next morning.

Sunday, I woke up and realized I had slept over 12 hours. Steve had done the exact same thing. We decided to go to Perkins for breakfast and then head out to Wonderland since it was near Perkins anyway. I wasn’t really in the mood for roller coasters… I knew I would get sick as soon as I get on one. Steve was quite thoughtful and considerate, only taking me to rides that were relatively easy and just watched some shows. After Wonderland, we went back home to rest and then went out again to grab dinner and watch Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

I truly enjoyed the weekend.

Gawk

Steve lives in one of the nicest neighborhoods and quite often, we would pass by such beautiful houses that could make anyone gawk and stare. Some of them are regular sized houses and by that I mean they’re not mansions or anything. But most of them are quite huge and almost guaranteed to have cost over a million dollars.

In the many times we’ve passed these houses, I never see anyone outside nor do I see anyone walk in or come out of any of them. Although once I think I’ve seen a dad playing with his kids outside one of the houses but that was about it. Steve and I always wonder where these people are and whether there are people actually living in these huge houses.

Sometimes while driving through the neighborhood, I wonder what these people do for a living… how do they have the money to pay for such extravagant, expensive houses? They coulnd’t have just inherited money from their ancestors and they couldn’t all be lottery winners…there’s way too many of them! But I do wonder what kind of people they are… are they like the people you meet everyday on the street or like the guy waiting in-line with you in the grocery store? Or are they greedy executives who probably have poor, abused subordinates? What’s it like to have a lot of money or to live in a house so big that you need a map inside?

Seriously, I almost want to go ahead a knock at their door one day and just ask, “what do you do for a living and how do I get that job?”

It Had To Be You

It had to be you, it had to be you;
I wandered around, and finally found - somebody who
Could make me be true, could make me be blue;
And even be glad, just to be sad, thinking of you.

Some others I've seen, might never be mean;
Might never be cross, or try to be boss,
But they wouldn't do.
For nobody else, gave me a thrill - with all your faults, I love you still.
It had to be you, wonderful you;
It had to be you.

Over and Over

There are things that I can read over and over again and still find it funny.

The weekend

I’m hungry. I’ve noticed that around noon, my ability to concentrate on work goes down. It’s as if my tummy is telling me that I’ve been working too much and that it is now time to eat. Of course it doesn’t help that I can smell the food being prepared in the kitchen (our company provides us lunch).

While waiting for lunch, I guess I might as well talk about my weekend. On Friday, Steve was off work and the day was going by oh-so-slow-I-almost-died. I was so glad to see him after work when he came by to pick me up. We spent our Friday evening just relaxing at home with Fey and watching “Harold and Kumar go to White Castle”. I’ve never seen it before and I thought it was pretty funny. We had originally intended to go and see Tansformers that night but the showtimes were too late for us to go see it.

Steve picked me up early Saturday morning because we were going to go to the JW Convention in Hamilton. I’ve never been to Hamilton before and it felt like a long drive although it took us only an hour to get there. I was amazed to see so many people… I honestly didn’t know there were so many JWs… It was pretty interesting and I have to admit I learned somethings I didn’t know or think of before. After lunch, I was trying my best not to fall asleep but it was just impossible so I ended up dozing off. Steve was laughing at me at one point because I was bobbing for apples. The blue dress I wore that day (which happened to be new) had purple ink on it and a bit of strawberry juice by the end of the day. Talk about being clumsy.

That same evening, we had planned to see Transformers but once again, the showtimes weren’t that great and so we ended up watching a Korean movie with Fey and Daniel. It was such a good movie and had us fighting back tears through it. I ended up crying at the end of it. It was just so sad. It was a very impressive movie. We just don’t know what the title of the movie is because it’s in Korean.

Sunday, the family and I went to a Chinese Restaurant downtown and had lunch there to celebrate mum’s b-day. It was fun but the weather was awful. It had rained the entire day and everything was just damp and humid. After lunch, we decided to do a bit of shopping at the Eaton Centre and then I went to meet up with Steve. Later that night we took Daniel with us to an Italian Restaurant and then just relaxed at home after.

So the weekend has come and gone and we still haven’t been able to see Transformers.

Slow Day

Wah. Today was one of the slowest days at work. EVER.

The day just seemed to drag on and on and on and I’ve been trying to keep myself entertained with anything I can find to do. Unfortunately, it didn’t help at all but I’ve managed to survive.

And now, it’s officially the weekend! YAY!

Bad Mood

I’m so tired, it’s not funny. Plus the fact that Steve’s off today makes being at work even worse. Ugh. Not having my partner-in-crime at work is NOT GOOD.

JR and Miguel saw Transformers yesterday and they said it was really good. I’m dying to see it too but thinking of long lines and crowded cinemas makes the whole thing seem like such an ordeal. I’ve heard nothing but good reviews about it and I’m sure I will love it. I mean, how can you not want to see it?!

Because Stevie isn’t at work, we’ve had to order pizza for lunch. We normally have pizza on Fridays anyways but today’s pizza was just too soggy and not appetizing at all. I knew it, today would absolutely suck.

As you can tell, I’m not in the best of moods and I wonder if it’s because (A) Steve’s off today (B) I’m super duper sleepy OR (C) I’m PMS-ing.

I just want the work day to be over already. Can you give me that?

Doodles on Paper

I was a little bored at work today so I started doodling on pieces of paper with my new set of multi-colored pens. Everytime I needed a break from testing, I would whip out my pens and start writing nonsense on a piece of paper. I would make fancy letters and color the middle. I’m most likely wasting paper and ink but it’s entertaining.

I had written a single word on a small piece of paper with a red pen and colored the insides of the letters with purple. After much work, I looked at what I had made and admired it for its abundance in color. And then I proceeded to tell myself how creative I was and how much time is going by just by doodling (oh sorry, I was making “art”).

Then after admiring my work, I looked at my watch and realized I only wasted 5 minutes of my time. Great, that’s just craptastic.

300

This serves as my 300th post! YAY!

Cheers to me and all my posting efforts!

YAY!

Two Left Feet

Sometimes I will be listening to a really upbeat song on my iPod or in the car with Steve and I’ll start moving to the song, forgetting that I’m not alone and other people are probably looking at me thinking I’m crazy.

I would often realize what I am doing after a few minutes, start looking around to see if anyone is looking and blush a bit in embarassment. Just the other day, while waiting for the pedestrian light to turn green, I started moving to a song I was listening to. By the time I realized I probably looked like a fool, this guy in a car was looking at me with an expression I can’t quite read. I was so embarassed that I crossed the road in a hurry and rushed inside our condo.

Last night, Steve was driving me home and the radio started playing The Way I Are and I started moving to it and Steve looked at me and laughed. It was a bit embarassing but what could I do? I had to laugh.

I love to dance but I don’t think I’m very good at it. In fact, I do most of my dancing in my bedroom where no one else can see. Even when I go out with others to a club or a party, I hesitate to dance. I always get very self-conscious and I try to hide behind the really good dancers. I know, I should just let go and try to have fun with it.

Cold

I’m so glad to not be training today. I feel very tired and coffee this morning didn’t help. To keep myself occupied, I’ve decided to do a bit more QA and my bug list has tripled in size. Yeah, the boss won’t be happy with development and development won’t be happy with me.

I was smart enough to wear warmer clothing today. I’ve been refusing to wear warm clothing for some time now because I feel that I SHOULD be wearing light summer clothes since it is SUPPOSED to be hot outside. But the past few days have been a little cold and so I thought it’s about time that I wear clothes that would cover me up a bit more so walking outside or riding the train wouldn’t be so uncomfortable.

Sometimes I wonder where all the cold air is coming from. Darn Alaska.

One Hip Slip Too Many

Last night I passed by the mall on my way home because I needed to buy a bottle of conditioner, body lotion, and a black hip slip. I bought a black dress over the weekend and if I stood in the sun, you can almost see through it and glimpse my undies. Of course I wasn’t having any of that so I needed to buy a hip slip.

Now, who knew that finding a hip slip would be such a difficult task? I thought they would have it at La Senza for sure but apparently they don’t make hip slips. Dammit, I don’t need them to make one… I just need them to sell one! So there I was walking through Eaton Centre, entering stores that I thought might possibly sell them and found nothing. Finally, I decided I would check Sears since it was the nearest one to me. It was horrible. First, I couldn’t find an attendant who could tell me if they sold them so I spent a good amount of time walking around trying to find someone. When I finally did find someone, they pointed me to the farthest corner of the floor and said they would be on a rack against the wall. I got there and all of them were not only long but they were too big.

So I decided to check out The Bay. The Bay happens to be on the other side of the mall so I had to walk all the way across and then go several floors up until I got to the appropriate section. Similar to Sears, they also had them in a corner but luckily enough, they had my size. Just to be sure I tried them on and then paid for it. I ended up getting home late just because of a stupid hip slip.

I really did consider just returning the dress at one point.

End of Season

The end-of-season sale has already begun and I can’t help but feel sad. It’s a huge indicator that summer is almost over and I feel as though it hasn’t even begun yet. The weather has been a bit crappy and the temperature’s not even close to what it should be by this time of the year. Winter seems to drag on and on and on and summer always seems to fly by. It’s just not fair.

I’ve only been able to wear my bathing suit once and I want to go to the beach and go swimming still. Summer just CANNOT be over yet! I refuse!

Random Fact

One random thing I learned at the ROM on Sunday: The weekend was born sometime during the 1870’s. During that time, people worked 6 days of the week and only had Sunday’s off. The men worked for 10-12 hours per day while women worked 12-14 hours. Several companies noticed that the number of people showing up late for work on Mondays was increasing and so they started to let employees out early on Saturdays and hence the weekend was born.

Interesting huh?

Canada Day Weekend

The long weekend has come and gone and I am once again sitting at my desk at work wishing it was the long weekend all over again. It was a good break – having started the long weekend right with a BBQ in the office. It was nice to be at work on a Friday afternoon, doing nothing but eating BBQ and talking with people instead of working.

Friday night, Steve and I met up with friends at Jack Astor’s to celebrate Elisabeth’s graduation. We thought we’d be late but traffic had cooperated and we got there right on time. The following morning, Saturday, Steve and I had breakfast at Crème de la Crème along Bloor Street West and then headed downtown to the Royal Ontario Museum. He had gotten us museum tickets since I’ve never been there. We didn’t want to have to worry about parking downtown so we decided to take transit instead. Steve was so adorable taking the TTC… he was swiping the metropass the wrong way. LOL.

The ROM had 4 floors, all of which we visited. It was pretty amazing and we both loved it. It’s so interesting to see and learn about so many different things. We had taken some pictures with my phone camera since I had forgotten my digital camera at home. By the end of it, our feet hurt and we were starving. We must’ve been there for atleast 3 hours but it was all worth it. After the ROM, we took a walk along Yorkville and did a bit of shopping. That same night, we met up with Denny and company and went to Remy’s and had drinks on the rooftop. Since I don’t like the taste of alcohol, I drank iced tea the entire time. It was fun but I was freezing. It would’ve been nice to stay there for several hours if it weren’t so cold.

Sunday, I attended my first ever JW meeting with Steve. We stopped by Milestones first to have lunch since we had an hour to kill. YUM! The meeting we attended only lasted an hour and afterwards we headed to his place to change and then went to the beaches to play beach volleyball with his friends. I haven’t played volleyball since highschool and it is pretty safe to say I sucked at it. Steve on the other hand was amazing. He was the best player among all of us and I’m not being biased or anything. It’s the truth! He can return the ball and serve with ease. While he was racking up points for the team, I was getting bruised on my arms from the hitting the ball so hard. I don’t even know who lost of who won or how many games in total everyone played.

After volleyball, we went to another beach for the bonfire and to watch the fireworks display. It was so cold and thankfully we had brought a blanket with us. We were surprised at how many people had shown up. We had a beautiful view of the city and the water but it was super uncomfortable sitting on the rocks. Steve and I kept complaining how much our bum, our back and our legs hurt and we kept adjusting our sitting position and trying to find ways to make ourselves comfortable. After a couple of hours, we decided to head home since it was just plain uncomfortable already and we were freezing. We both got home at 3:00 am and I was so tired that I couldn’t even say my prayers straight.

Monday, Steve and I decided to go to his cousin’s place and we had brunch together and played Monopoly. I had to take a nap after because I was still exhausted from the day before. We spent the entire day there and left late to go home.

It really was a great weekend. We got to do so many things and see people and although we were pretty tired after, we had so much fun. Dammit, can we move back time and do it all over again?