Some guys deserve a break.

Sometimes when I am sitting in the train or the bus, I’ll see an old guy, a bit ruffled but dressed decently, carrying a bag or a sack, and he looks beaten and exhausted and it makes me feel bad.

Parang kawawa naman. I don’t even know if I should feel sorry for the guy. I mean, he’s probably happy and content and maybe he just doesn’t look like it. But what if he isn’t happy? What if he’s struggling? What if he’s a nice guy with a really good heart, who’s worked hard his entire life and never got the break he deserves? What if he goes home to an empty apartment and he’s all alone? Or maybe he goes home to a nice little family and they’re just trying to pay the bills and feed the kids and make ends meet?

It’s sad to think that there are a lot of people out there who have such good hearts, who try their best to make a decent living and yet they struggle. It doesn’t seem fair that good people should suffer. It also doesn’t help that not everyone gets the same opportunities. Some people are not as fortunate as others and are forced to do what they can with what they’re given. Sumasama ang loob ko pag naiisip ko na may mga mababait na taong naghihirap samantala yung mga taong mapagsamantala yumayaman.

There are people who are born into poverty and broken families and not everyone is fortunate enough to get an education or even get the proper guidance they need. Heck, not everyone gets to eat 3 times a day! Yes, it’s true that there are some people who struggle because they choose not to help themselves. But there are also those who do everything they can and yet do not seem to get anywhere. Just the other day I saw a guy on the subway and he must’ve been over 60 yrs old and he looked like he was coming from work and he had a backpack with him and he was struggling to even put it on his back! Can you imagine what it must be like to be old and frail and still have to work to pay the bills? And what if he works in a labor-extensive job like a factory or a warehouse or something? I imagine it must be difficult and painful at times. The sad thing is, in the world we live in, we have to work to eat.

My family isn’t rich either and my parents are both working and so do I and my brother. When I see guys like that on the train, I can’t help but worry about my own family. I don’t want my dad to be old and still be working. My parents are getting older and they’re not as strong as they used to be. Mabagal na nga sila maglakad eh.

It makes me wish I could do something to make things better. I wish the world were perfect… that everyone had the same opportunities… that good people do not have to suffer or struggle or go to bed worrying about bills and where the next meal is coming from. I want to believe that hard work really pays off... that if you do your best and make the most out of every opportunity that comes, you’ll eventually get the break you deserve. I really hope that those guys I see on the train are happy and content and that they don’t have to struggle more than they should.

I Like.

I have been trying my best to save money for the past couple of months and this means not spending as much as I used to. I have been doing quite well and have been able to save some money. Not much but not bad either.

Although I still go to the mall every now and then, I am quite happy to report that I have been able to stop myself from spending on unnecessary items. When before I would buy whatever caught my eye, now I am able to look at something and walk towards the opposite direction. Not an easy thing to do but I MUST save.

I recently passed by Banana Republic and saw this handbag:



I like the tan-colored version of it better than the white. It is pricey of course and I wouldn’t spend over $200 for a handbag but I really, really like it.

Sometimes talaga I wish I had a lot of money. Hmpf.

Over 400!

Yes people!

I now have 400 plus posts!

Yeeeehhhhaaawwww!

New & Old Machines.

I was recently given a new CPU at work to replace my old one of a mere 512 MB. I have been complaining to our Tech Manager of how slow my machine is when booting or processing. He’s been reluctant to give me a new machine. I don’t know why but there’s just something about the people who are responsible for the office hardware… they’re always refusing to give you new hardware… for as long as it works, they won’t give you a new one. It doesn’t matter if your hardware practically crawls. As long as it is crawling and not stopping, it works.

About a month or so ago, while in the middle of doing work, I called our Tech Manager and showed him just how slow my computer was and said to him, “Look at how slow this thing is! It takes me so long to get one thing done and if I attempt to multi-task and do something else on the side, it will slow everything down considerably if it doesn’t freeze on me completely.” Seeing how bad it was, he finally agreed to provide me with a new machine. Yay!

So a couple of weeks ago, I was finally handed my new CPU of 2 GB. It’s not really brand new, fresh-out-of-store but it’s relatively new. I think it was purchased several months ago and was used for a few months by one of our former employees. And now, it belongs to me. *GRIN*

I made sure it was re-formatted and I then proceeded to install everything I needed on it. Although I was excited to get a new machine (yes, yes, I can be a little geeky sometimes), I was a bit concerned that I might lose a file or a program in the process. So the Tech Manager suggested that I hook up my new machine and my old one via a shared cable and just switch between the two while I carefully make sure that what I had in the old one will also be available in the new one (confused yet?). I have been enjoying having 2 machines and just being able to switch between the 2 by pressing my Scroll Lock Key twice. I have been able to successfully transfer and re-install everything I need except for my MSN Messenger emoticons.

And yes, my MSN Messenger emoticons are deemed important in my machine migration process.

So for the past few days, whenever I have some spare time at work, I have been trying to figure out how to move my emoticons from the old machine to the new one.

I tried to search for it on Google and was able to find instructions on how copy it via the command prompt in Windows. But try as I might, I couldn’t get the darn thing to work. It kept giving me an invalid parameter length message. So after doing a bit of research, I finally figured out where my emoticons are stored, copied it to a shared directory and then pasted it in the same folder in my new machine. And voila, my emoticons have now been transferred to my new machine. Ang galing ko talaga! In reality, it’s really easy to do and most of you probably already know how to do it but cut me some slack and let me enjoy my ingenuity even for just a bit.

I can now work on my new machine and get rid of the old one. I will miss the old but will enjoy the new.

Nice, long weekend.

Ang sarap talaga ng long weekend!

Yesterday was the first Family Day for Ontario with it being the newest holiday added to our list of holidays. Muntik pang ma-abolish…buti nalang they pushed through with it.

I spent most of my weekend napping, going to the movies and spending time with Steve. We saw The Eye which of course scared the heck out of me. I screamed a few times during the movie and believe it or not, Steve fell asleep. How do you fall asleep in a movie like that? I don’t know. I’ve never fallen asleep in a movie theatre. No matter how boring a movie may be, I always manage to stay awake through the entire thing. My curiosity is what keeps me awake. I’m always dying to know what’s going to happen next. Watching a movie at home is a different story… I can easily fall asleep whilst watching a DVD or a movie on TV. Then on Sunday night, we saw Definitely, Maybe which I really enjoyed watching. I love romantic movies talaga. I like action flicks too but nothing beats watching a romantic, funny, feel-good movie. Tinutukso ngako ni Steve… sabi niya parati daw akong good mood after watching one of my movies.

It’s nice being able to stay up late and then stay in bed for as long as you want the following morning. I never get tired of napping. But don’t you notice that the longer you stay in bed, the sleepier you are the rest of the day? It feels that way for me. I try my hardest to get out of bed before 9 am pero di ko talaga magawa. It’s so hard… my mind is telling me to get up but my body is telling me otherwise.

Anyhow, the weekend weather was a bit of a mess. It started out nicely warm and then ended up being rainy and cold and windy. Sawa nako sa winter. I think we’ve had enough of the snow and wind and the cold. It would be nice to be able to wear a tee or even a light jacket/sweater outside instead of needing to wear layers and layers of clothing. Nakukuba nako kakasuot ng makapal na jacket at sawa na rin ako sa kakalakad sa makapal at madulas na snow sa labas. I’ve ruined 2 pairs of boots this season and I don’t want to buy a new pair since it’s expensive and spring is just around the corner. I might as well tide it out. I’ve noticed that this winter, we’ve been alternating between sun, snow, wind and rain although very few sunny days.

I could use more of these long weekends.

Post Hopping

Once in awhile, I click on links from various blogs and sites and end up on a stranger’s page. I like reading what other people have written… reading about what goes on in other people’s lives and what they think, worry, fear, love or dream about. It’s all so interesting.

It’s comforting to learn that someone else is going through the same joys and pains I go through and worries about the same crap that I do. It’s like getting to know people without really knowing them.

Have you ever wanted to be invisible just so you could spy on people? Well, reading blogs is kind-of like spying. Not necessarily in a bad way. It allows you to peek into someone else’s life minus all that relationship drama. You can choose to be involved or not. Pag ayaw mo na magbasa, eh di lipat ka na sa ibang website.

For a moment, you get to share someone else’s highs and lows. It’s easy to get caught up in it. I often find myself reading someone’s blog and it almost seems as if I know the person kahit di naman talaga. I empathize with them and when they are obviously distraught or upset or worried, I feel it too. I find myself being excited and giddy about someone falling in-love or having kids or getting a promotion or going on a trip. I laugh at the funny things that people write about. I feel sad when I read about losses and disappointments and heartbreak.

Different people of different ages, cultures, beliefs and personalities write. And in reading other people’s posts, I am all the more convinced that regardless of our differences, everyone goes through the same things. We all have accomplishments, we all fall in-love, we all complain about our jobs, we all have disappointments, we all have had our hearts broken, we all have problems, we all worry about the future, we all (in some degree) worship someone or something and we all generally want to be happy.

Every time I visit someone’s page, it’s like catching them in that moment in time. If they’re happy at that time, then I’ll find a happy post and when they’re sad or vulnerable, then I see a very emotional post. What might be true for today might not necessarily be true for tomorrow and that’s also part of the beauty of it because I get to see a person’s different sides and moods and how they try to cope with the different things they go through whether it is something good or bad.

In a way, visiting other people’s pages allow me to be a part of their lives or stories even if all it means is me reading a short and simple post. Like I said earlier, it all is very interesting.

More Snow.

Unbelievable.

It's snowing again.

As if the past 5 snowstorms weren't enough.

Where are we going to put all that snow?!

My bus ride which usually takes 15 minutes took almost an hour due to the snow. Not factoring the subway ride which took about 40 mins.

Steve: "If your friends from the Philippines came to Canada and saw this weather...what would they think?"

Me: "I don't know... they'll probably like it within the first week.. seeing this much snow is pretty exciting although I'm pretty sure that after a week in this weather and in the cold, they'd be cursing soon enough and will probably want to jump in the plane and go back home.."

Steve: "Well... it IS cold honey..."

It's actually quite scary outside..seeing all that snow. It truly boggles my mind as to where all that snow is coming from. You can barely see within 10 feet. It's all just white haze and flurries everywhere.

I'm almost sure that commuting to work tomorrow will be a pain in the ass.

Rant.

This day started out well and then it took a fatal turn after lunch.

I got yelled at. Yes, YELLED at by one of our clients… FRANTIC, I’M-A-BEYOTCH-DON’T-MESS-WITH-ME kind of yelling. Oh only for about… 15 mins…FIFTEEN MINUTES of YELLING!

I would have totally felt guilty had it been my fault why she was so upset. BUT IT IS TOTALLY NOT MY FAULT.

She just kept yapping and yapping and even though I offered to transfer her to someone higher, she ignored me and blamed me all the more. Hey lady, I’m the one HELPING YOU so don’t yell at me. I am MAKING SURE YOU ARE BEING TAKEN CARE OF and I DON’T DESERVE TO BE YELLED AT.

Anyway, I couldn’t get a word edgewise and she had the audacity to say, “STOP BEING NICE TO ME AND FIX MY PROBLEM!! I WANT YOU TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW! YOU HEARD ME… RIGHT NOW!!”

Gee woman, maybe if you stop yelling for a minute, maybe I could make you understand what’s going on and what we are doing to resolve it.

So as calmly as I could, I told her simply that although I did train her on how to use the application, I am not her web guy and therefore DO NOT and CAN NOT fix her problems personally. I then proceeded to explain to her that as soon as the issue was brought to our attention, that our team has been looking into it and is already working on resolving it for her. But of course, she would not listen and only heard the part where I tell her I’m not her web guy. So she then proceeded to ask me to transfer her to her web guy so she can then YELL at the poor guy.

Eventually she did give up after yelling at the web guy for about 10 more minutes and then passed the phone to someone else within her company who clearly sounded embarrassed by what just went on. I feel bad for the guy… it must be difficult working for a high-maintenance, know-it-all who is clearly a drama queen.

It would have been easier to deal with her if she knew what she was talking about or what was going on. First of all, I don’t appreciate being yelled at. I think it is rude and a reasonable human being would make an attempt to talk it out first. If you’re going to be upset, at least get the facts straight, do your research, find out what it’s all about and how it all works. Don’t yell and accuse just because it doesn’t turn out exactly the way you imagined it would be especially if you don’t know what it takes to give you what you need.

Indeed, very annoying.

Muntik Na.

Ohmygulay inaantok ako sobra.

I bought a new book from Indigo last night and I began reading it after dinner. Like always, I got hooked and ended up reading it all the way till 1 am. Yikes!

Sabi na nga ba, I should’ve gone to bed after I spoke to Steve on the phone. Instead, being the stubborn kid that I am, I picked up my book and read… and read… and read some more… and before I knew it, it was waaaayyyy past my bedtime. Naiinis tuloy ako sa sarili ko.

What made it worse was the fact that I dreamt about the characters in the book and I kept turning in bed. In short, I didn’t sleep too well in the 4+ hours I had left to sleep.

At 6:20 this morning, my mom went into my bedroom and said, “Karen…di ka ba papasok? Bangon ka na…”

So I turned to face my wall clock and check the time and… whoa!! 6:20?!!

You should’ve seen me jump so fast!

It’s such an awful feeling when you’re so groggy with sleep and then having to be jolted awake. It’s like your mind and body are still booting up and you’re just trying to move and make sense of things as fast as you can. You’re part awake, part dreaming and mostly confused. The only reason you’re able to move and function a bit is because of habit… mechanically moving kung baga.

Thank God for adrenaline… it was the only thing that saved me from being late. Miracle of all miracles, I was able to go through my usual morning routine AND even made it out the door earlier that I normally do. Hanep ‘di ba?

Manual, Snow and the Train

I’m supposed to be writing a manual for one of our major clients regarding a new feature in our application. I started working on it yesterday and still working on it today but I am struggling to concentrate. Today is the first day that I’m not training in a long while so I feel the urge to slack off for once. Nakakatamad talaga. I’m already more than half-way through it and every so often I would work on it some more and then check my emails and then surf the internet a bit and then back to working on it again. Oo na, tamad na kung tamad… inaamin ko naman eh. Nakakatamad lang talaga kasi eh.

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Yesterday morning when I stepped outside of the house to go to work, I was so surprised to find so much snow on the ground. The night before, it was above 0 degrees and the sky was clear so I was baffled as to how all that snow got there. It must have snowed through the night.

Then as if we hadn’t gotten enough snow already, it snowed some more all of yesterday. It was snowing so much that by the end of the day, all you could see was white everywhere.

Steve and I went for dinner at Yorkdale and for the first time, Dufferin road and the Yorkdale parking lot were empty. I guess everyone either missed work altogether or went straight home afterwards. It was a little scary because there was a lot of wind combined with huge chunks of snow falling from all directions. It easily covered everything in sight.

After dinner, Steve and I both headed home and it just kept on snowing. The roads and sidewalks hadn’t been plowed yet so I had to walk through a LOT of snow. It was kinda fun actually. Scary but fun… just the amount of snow is pretty amazing. When I see so much snow like that, it’s pretty hard to imagine Canada being so hot and humid in the summer.

It snowed like that all of last night too and up till this morning. Once again, I stepped out of the house still amazed at the amount of snow. I was running to the bus stop because I didn’t want to miss the bus but when I rounded the corner and saw that the sidewalk still hadn’t been plowed and snow reached my mid-leg, I decided to just walk slowly. It’s not like I have a choice anyway. I would have had a difficult time running anyway. The good thing is, I still caught my bus.

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The trains on the subway were running slower than usual this morning, with longer stops at each station. I was already annoyed with the two guys sitting beside me because they kept letting out full blown yawns and someone kept farting. Not that I have a thing against people yawning… But I mind rude yawning (with matching sound pa ha) and especially if you didn’t brush your teeth before leaving the house. Muntik nakong himatayin. Shempre pina-iral ko na naman ang aking “taray” eyes diba. Ang aga-aga nabwibwiset nako.

What annoyed me even more was that the TTC didn’t even inform us as to what was causing all the delay. They normally do anyways but I was really eager to get to work early this morning and not knowing why the trains were delayed was just really irritating.

I eventually made it to Glencairn Station where Steve was patiently waiting for me. Thank goodness we were still able to make it to work early.

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While writing this post, I did eventually finish the manual. Yay!

Ups and Downs.

Just when you think that life is good...

That you are finally being rewarded for being a decent human being...

That you begin to think you're in heaven, floating among the angels...

Being completely and utterly satisfied...

And that good things do happen to good people....

Life suddenly turns around, gives you a good kick in the bum just to keep you in check and make sure you still know what it is like to be stuck on Earth anxious, worrisome and a bit miserable.

Ah life... sometimes you gotta love it and sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet.

Beautiful Goodbye

Found this song on iTunes and despite it being kind of sad, I like it.

It's hard to say goodbye
When I'm holding out my hands
Holding out my hands for love
That opened my eyes
Filled with tears that never dry
For you the angels cry
Goodnight, goodnight, my sweet love you're
beautiful
Goodnight, goodnight, the stars up above
will be bright
Despite a love bound and broken from the start
Goodnight, my beautiful goodbye
It's hard to comprehend
Our beginning is the end
Of a love that never had
A chance to dance with you
So I choose to take this pain
And wish for more to say than
Goodnight, goodnight, my sweet love you're
beautiful
Goodnight, goodnight, the stars up above
will be bright
Despite a love bound and broken from
the start
Goodnight, my beautiful goodbye
Oh sweet angel of mine
Gone to sail through the night
In m heart you'll always be
I hope that you'll remember me wherever you are
Goodnight, goodnight, my sweet love you're
beautiful
Goodnight, goodnight, stare up above will
be bright
Despite a love bound and broken from the start
Goodbye, Goodnight
Oh, Goodnight, goodnight, my sweet love
you're beautiful
Goodnight, goodnight, the stars up above
will be bright
Despite a love bound and broken from the start
Goodnight, my beautiful goodbye

Beautiful Goodbye
-Josh Kelley

Superbowl Slumber.

Did you guys watch the Superbowl last Sunday?

I did.

I have to say though that it’s a game I truly do not fully understand. Steve explained to me that the point of the game is to advance the ball 10 yards within 4 tries. Players could either run the ball or throw it. Sounds simple right? Yeah… I don’t really get it. I still find it all too confusing.

I don’t understand what moves are considered legit and which ones are fowls. And even though the referee explained why he called the fowl, I still don’t understand. I’ll be honest, I was more interested in the colors of the uniforms and who was better looking between the 2 quarterbacks and I rooted for the team Steve was rooting for. So typical of being a girl ‘no?

In the midst of it all, I couldn’t keep my eyes open and somehow during the game, I fell asleep. Yep, in Steve’s couch while he was watching the game and rooting for his team of choice, I was sleeping.

Apparently, it was a really good game. I don’t really know what constitutes a good football game. All I know is, before I fell asleep, it was 7 Patriots – 3 Giants and when I woke up, the Giants had won with 17 pts and the Patriots with 14 pts. I missed it all and only woke up to catch the presentation of the trophy.

When I got home later that evening, my mom asked me if Steve and I watched the game. I told her yes but that I had fallen asleep and didn’t really see the whole thing. She said my dad and 2 brothers watched it too and when the game got intense, they were all yelling and jumping and near the end of the game, my mom caught all of them standing in the living room watching the last few minutes unfold instead of sitting down.

Do I prefer hockey over football? Oh yes. At least hockey I could understand a bit better.

Darn Movie, Darn Playlist.

My brilliant idea of going home earlier than usual and going to bed by 10pm didn’t quite go as planned.

After work, I passed by the STC to pick up a few items and sushi and then headed home. I was starving by the time I walked in the door and was really glad to find warm, Chinese food waiting on the table from one of my fave Chinese restaurants. I couldn’t believe how much food I ate in less than half an hour! To top it off, my mom brought out cherry cheesecake for dessert. Yum!!

Anyhow, the reason why I wasn’t able to go to bed early was because they were showing “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” on TV. It’s been so long since I saw it so I told myself I was going to watch just the first hour of the movie and then go to bed. Well… yeah… that didn’t happen. I got hooked and ended up watching the whole thing until 11:30 pm. What can I say? I’m a sucker for romantic, feel-good movies. Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson look really good together and would have been a cute couple had they dated for real.

After the movie, I washed the dishes and finally got ready for bed. Then I remembered some of the songs in the movie that I liked and decided it wouldn’t hurt if I spent 10-15mins downloading them on iTunes. One song led to another until I found myself downloading 15 songs from various artists. I then proceeded to transfer them all to my iPod but in doing so, I accidentally deleted one of my playlists! I was like, “NNNNOOOOOO!! Sh*t! Dammit! Aaahh!” And so I spent the next half an hour or so re-creating the entire playlist from scratch.

What time did I finally go to sleep? 1 am. Yeesh.

Lack of Vertical Inches.

I’ve somewhat given up. I’ve accepted the fact that I am short and will always be short. They say women generally stop growing at the age of 26. Screw that, I think I stopped growing a long time ago and frankly, I’d really rather not grow if it means adding inches sideways rather than lengthwise.

I’m actually quite ok with the way I am. Yes, I do wish I was taller or well-toned and that my teeth, hair and skin were perfect but for the most part, I’m happy the way I am. I may not be perfect but who is? And I was made this way and it is what it is and I’m really thankful that I am otherwise healthy.

I just have to keep in mind that there will always be people who have more and people who have less than I. Sure, I complain about my height but you know what? There are a lot of women who are much shorter than me and it doesn’t seem to bother them so why should it bother me? When you really think about it, our physical aspects are really relative. I’m tall compared to one person and short compared to another. So really, I am both short and tall.

Maybe I’ll wear heels less and comfortable flats more.

Pining For Summer

I’ve been reading Ala’s blog and she’s been posting some pretty amazing photos and I can’t help but feel envious because everything just looks so beautiful… the beach, the sun, the sand, the vivid colors… ay wish ko din summer na.

It’s kinda weird looking at pictures of others in the sun and the beach and wearing bikinis when it’s winter here in Canada. The cold is so much more obvious. In the mornings when I open my closet to get dressed for work, I always look at my summer clothes and I feel depressed not being able to wear them. It would have been nice to wear a light pair of jeans, a skirt or Capri together with flip flops or sandals or ballet flats and to wear only a single layer of clothing. I like being able to wear sweaters and coats and fancy boots and all that too…but I think I’ve had enough of this season and I really would rather go back to the warm, sunny days… AANNNDD I would really love to go the beach.

It would be nice to take a walk outside, go swimming or maybe go to Wonderland. I’d also love to go on vacation and go somewhere…money, money, money! Tsk tsk.

So yeah.. I’m basically bummed out that summer is so far away and I’m really anxious.

As I write this post, I had a passing thought… where do cows go during the winter? Or insects and tiny creatures for that matter?

-----sabi ni Steve sa barn daw.. oo nga naman.. bakit di ko naisip yun? Pero paano yung mga insects and other little creatures that live in the wild?

Oldies Never Get Old.

I had been begging one of my co-workers to give me a copy of his mp3s and when I got really, really anxious, the poor guy got dragged to his desk and I basically stood there and forced him to burn me a CD. Hey, nothing beats free music.

I don’t know exactly how many songs there were in total but I transferred almost all of them on my iPod and I am now happily listening to them. Most of them were oldies (70s, 80s, 90s music) which I liked before and have totally forgotten about so I was happy that he gave me a copy. Do you notice that oldies music in essence never really gets old (the irony…lol)? I mean, do you ever get tired of James Ingram or Frank Sinatra or The Beatles or even Rod Stewart? Sure they’re old and these were songs my parents listened to but no matter how much time passes and new songs and artists come out, whenever I hear an oldie song, I can’t help but listen to the whole thing. It’s always good. My parents are right… the classics will always stay. When Linkin Park or Britney Spears or what-have-you have come and gone, you will still find yourself listening to the songs of the 70s, 80s, and 90s and will love them just as much.

Come & Follow Me.

There was a song we sang at church today and I didn't know the title at the time but I Googled it and found that it is entitled The Summons which goes...

Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known,
will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?

Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?

Will you let the blinded see if I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoners free and never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean and do such as this unseen,
and admit to what I mean in you and you in me?

Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,
through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

Lord your summons echoes true when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In Your company I'll go where Your love and footsteps show.
Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me.

I love this song because of its message. Indeed it is difficult to leave oneself behind and trust God with everything. How often we forget that God created us to know, love and serve Him and share in His eternal glory and happiness. We get so distracted by the comforts that this world has to offer and we lose sight of why we are here in the first place.

The Gospel today was when Jesus called His disciples and it says that they immediately dropped what they were doing and followed Him. I always wonder what that exactly means... I wonder because "immediately dropping what they were doing" is not an easy thing to do. Imagine yourself going about your business, commuting to work or whatever and Jesus sees you and asks you to drop everything and follow Him. Mind you that you do not yet know (or maybe you do) Him and yet you are being asked to abandon what you are doing and just go. What would you do? Would you pick up your cellphone and make a few calls, arrange everything and then follow? Would you think that the man talking to you is crazy and ignore him?

I think most of us, if asked right now in this age and time, would hesitate and a million things would be running in our heads. Most would agree with me when I say we'd all probably hesitate because it's not an easy thing to do especially when you have to make a living and raise a family and pay bills and what-have-you and here's a guy like any other guy who in your eyes is a complete stranger asking you to do what is not "reasonable" in your mind. Ang hirap noh?

The call to serve God in our daily lives is not heard by many and it's not like the Bible times where they heard God's voice, saw and spoke to Jesus or saw visions in dreams. Nowadays, we have to pray and try to see the message hidden in our lives and the people we meet and the chances that come our way and try to determine what God is telling us and asking us to do which is not easy. It takes a lot of faith and determination to even figure things out.

When things don't go my way, I always wonder if God is trying to tell me something. I get discouraged and I doubt at times but at the end of the day I know He loves me and knows what is best even if I don't understand it at the moment. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do and do your best and let God do the rest. Pa-minsan minsan you just have to say to yourself, "Bahala na si Lord..."

Napaisip ako.

I was just reading Christine's Happy Slip blog and found out that she's going...rather she IS in the Philippines right now and I couldn't be happier for her. I truly believe that every Filipino, especially those who were born and raised out of the country should make that trip AT LEAST once in their lifetime.

I can try to describe what it feels like to be there but it is different when you experience it for yourself. Meet the people, see the sites, taste the food... it's a totally different environment that is both heartwarming and beautiful.

Minsan naisip ko, do the Filipinos that had a chance to grow up in the Philippines have a higher appreciation for it compared to those that didn't? I'm not entirely sure... minsan naisip ko oo pero minsan naman naisip ko hindi rin. Depende siguro kung paano lumaki yung tao. I mean those that grew up learning to appreciate what it is like to be Filipino and it's heritage would (I assume) most likely yearn to see and visit the place they or their parents or their parent's parents call home.

I was born and raised there and I had the opportunity to know what it is like to grow up playing in the street with the neighbors, taking the "school bus" to school, walking to church on Sunday mornings with the family, caroling and pamasko on Christmas and fireworks on New Year's eve...noche buena, simbang gabi.. and just being there and living and taking it all in... pure Filipino culture..the good and the bad.

Sometimes I think to myself, kung ako kaya di lumaki sa Pinas, would I still want to go? Palagay ko naman oo kasi of course I would like to see where my parents came from and just see the country itself. Pero would I necessarily be as attached to it as I am now? Ewan... I mean, I miss the place and it's the people I left behind who I miss the most and who give me more reason to go and visit. So if I didn't grow up there and didn't have friends there and never experienced any of the experiences I've had, gustuhin ko pa kaya siya as much as I feel now?

Aannnnyyywaaayy, I'm just really happy for Christine and just a tad bit jealous... o sige na, talagang naiinggit ako!

A Quick Trip

Sleep.

This is pretty much the only word that has been buzzing in my head for the past week like a pesky bug that is just asking to be squashed.

I WOULD love to squash it if I could… Yeah… it would be really nice to lie in bed in the mornings and sleep for more than 10 hours and think nothing of the conscious world.

The Calgary Trip I was hoping wouldn’t go through actually did go through and although I am glad that it’s done and over with, I am left quite tired and still faced with a ton of work. I flew out Monday night and it took about 3 and half hours to get to Calgary. There were extra seats in the plane so I got to choose a window seat “with a view” (it basically means I’m not sitting by the plane’s wings). Before boarding, I passed by a bookstore and bought Paolo Coehlo’s The Devil and Ms. Prim and spent almost the entire flight reading and napping.

The hotel I stayed in wasn’t bad and I was releived to find Moxie’s by the lobby which made it convenient for me to have dinner. Since I arrived late, I only had time to eat dinner, watch a bit of TV and then I went to sleep.

The following morning, I took a bath and packed all my stuff again since I was leaving for Toronto again that same day. The client I was visiting was located about 2-3 blocks west of the hotel I was staying in so I decided to just walk, pulling my luggage and laptop with me only to find out later that day that the subway downtown is free and I could have just taken it. The training session went well and I made it to the airport later that afternoon in time for my flight back.

Because the trip was so short, it felt like going to work in another city several miles away and then coming home again via a plane instead of a bus. It was very tiring and although it has been a few days since the trip, I still haven’t been able to catch up on sleep.

10 Random FYIs

• I love the sound of my keyboard when I type. I have always loved the sound of fingers tapping keys since I was... oh about 5 years old. But for some reason, I don't like the sound of it when it's coming from someone else's tapping.



• I hate the smell of weed (no offense to those that love it). There's just something about it that makes me feel queesy.



• I hate flying but I love it when the plane is taking off and when it's landing. I always get that anxious/exciting feeling I've always had since the first time I stepped on a plane.



• My dad tells us he used to love this cologne that smelled like freshly-cut grass... and I always found that quite puzzling because it doesn't smell that awesome to me.



• I often wonder where animals and insects go during the winter and how they survive the frigid cold.



• I always have the urge to sleep when I'm on the subway.



• Whenever I think of my childhood friend, the first picture that comes into mind is that time we were sitting in front of my house, talking and looking at the sky and him smiling at me... it's one of the best smiles in the world.



• Sometimes I put my earphones on just so other people don't talk to me while I'm commuting to work.



• I always used to ask my mom to tuck me in bed all the way till my late teens. I love it when she puts my blanket over me and leans down to give me a kiss.



• When I am really upset, I swear in my head.

Tweakin'

Here I am once again, dying to change my page layout. I tend to get bored very easily when it comes to how my page looks. With so many different layouts available out there and with the help of Adobe Photoshop and bit of coding here and there, sticking with a single layout is so hard to do.

I have been looking at some free CSS templates but haven't quite figured yet how to make them work with the XML format of the new blogger. It takes time to play around and see what I can do with it and right now, I just don't have the time. I have seen a few interesting ones but again, I just don't have time to dedicate to it right now.

In the meantime, maybe I'll make some minor tweaks to my current layout and see how it goes... =p

Yes, we flock our malls

I was on Forbes.com and found a list of the World's 10 Largest Malls.

I already knew that malls in the Philippines were HUGE but I didn't know they were so big that 3 of them would make it on the list!

1. South China Mall - Dongguan, China - 7.1 million square feet
2. Golden Resources Shopping Mall - Beijing, China - 6 million square feet
3. Mall of Asia - Pasay City, Philippines - 4.2 million square feet
4. West Edmonton Mall - Edmonton, Alberta, Canada - 3.8 million square feet
5. SM Megamall - Mandaluyong City, Philippines - 3.6 million square feet
6. Berjaya Times Square - Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia - 3.4 million square feet
7. Beijing Mall - Beijing, China - 3.4 million square feet
8. Zhegjian Plaza - Guangzhou, China - 3 million square feet
9. SM City North EDSA - Quezon City, Philippines - 3 million square feet
10. King of Prussia Mall - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA - 2.8 million square feet

Filipinos love malls simply because they have everything - restaurants, supermarkets, computer shops, clothing stores, shoe stores, bowling alleys, pool tables, skating rinks, arcades, cinemas, sometimes even medical and dental clinics, cellphone stores and repair shops, game and specialty stores, toy stores, pet shops, photo studios, bookstores, music stores, optical shops, dermatology clinics, hardware, small amusement parks for kids, flea markets... you name it, they have it. Not to mention that on Sundays, some malls even hold Catholic masses for the people!

These malls also make it convenient for people to go there because they're everywhere, they provide lots of parking spaces (but even so, sometimes it's not enough due to the amount of people that go), they provide free AC on really warm, humid days and because they have almost anything you need, you can't go wrong. It's a good place for people to hang out because there's always plenty to do... you can go bowling or play pool, hang out by the arcade, see a movie, play a game at the Internet cafe or just chill with friends at coffee shops.

The first time I stepped in a mall here in Canada, I was a bit disappointed because it's way smaller than the average mall in the Philippines. Plus, they're normally mostly clothing and shoe stores. And the size of the food courts are about a fourth of the food courts in SM Malls. Here, you don't go to the mall to simply hang out... you go because you need something. There really isn't much to do in the mall except to shop or window shop or eat. Even though some malls have theatres, most of them don't so you have to go somewhere else to see a movie.

I always tell Steve how surprised he'll be when he steps in one of the malls in the Philippines. I can just imagine how he'll react when he sees SM Megamall where it's about 5-6 floors high (including the basement) and about 2-3 times the length of the Eaton Centre downtown. It also surprises him that Malls in the Philippines also carry some North American stores like Gucci, Prada, Zara, Mango, Marks & Spencer, Guess, Levis, etc... and that we also have Starbucks, Pizza Hut, Subway...

Here are some pictures of SM Megamall (grabbed from the gallery in Wikipedia):

Pictures of Mall of Asia:





I've never been to SM Mall of Asia because when we left the Philippines almost 4 years ago, it was still being constructed and we haven't been back to visit yet. Steve kept insisting that no mall in the Philippines could be bigger than the West Edmonton Mall in Alberta... I just proved him wrong!

Awful.

Today I had one of those training sessions from hell. I was forewarned by my trainees yesterday that the group I’m training today is going to be difficult. But man, I had no idea!

They WERE in fact VERY DIFFICULT not to mention quite ANNOYING that I had to bite my tongue several times just so I could save myself from uttering something rude. One of the trainees owns her company and she was the most difficult and frustrating of all of them. I had to constantly tell her “Left click on the plus sign” where she would proceed to do something else entirely different and then me having to tell her again, “No, left click on the plus sign” and on and on and on went like this until it came to a point where I was practically standing beside her the entire day, training and pointing things to her at the same time. I understand she’s not quick on technology and she had actually told me to, “Oh don’t mind me…I’m not going to use it much… worry about them… just go on…” and when I do proceed, she’ll suddenly say, “Oh hold on… I don’t get it… where am I? How did you get there? What am I supposed to be doing?...” It drove me nuts!! And she kept saying, “you can continue…” and when I do continue she’ll interrupt me again! What got me ticked off was that she suddenly blurted out, “You can just move on at a much faster pace… don’t mind me” And I had to try REAL HARD to stop myself from saying, “Well, if you just shut up then maybe I can actually talk and move on!” Kill me.

I seriously, seriously considered hanging myself.

Just Typing Away...

I often wonder whether there is really one true religion. Do we all worship the same God regardless of what religion we belong to? Maybe the different religions out there are just the many different ways that God chooses to reach out to people and that one religion isn’t necessarily greater than the other... just different. If there is only one true religion, then what happens to someone who, let’s say, is born in a really remote area where that person grows up, lives and dies without knowing about that one true religion? Then does that mean that person is condemned? If so, how is that fair?

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Do you ever wonder if there is really life elsewhere in the Universe? My mom thinks there’s probably some other life form out there. By life form, she doesn’t necessarily mean another human being but that it’s a “living thing” like a living particle or amoeba or what have you. Is it possible? Maybe. I just think that God wouldn’t have created such a big Universe for nothing. Maybe there are living things out there or maybe not. It’s just so darn big to just be space and rock and dust. Although maybe, God gave us such a big Universe so we have lots to explore and learn about. Much like a kid in the playground. The bigger, more active kids will want a bigger, wider playground instead of just a tiny little playpen.

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Isn’t it so bizarre when you try to imagine what it means to have no beginning and no end? Well, no end is much easier to imagine because you just sorta think of forever... but no beginning?! I find it so difficult to fully comprehend exactly what no beginning means. Ya, sure I know what no beginning means but when you really, really think about it, isn’t it so...so...difficult to imagine? Maybe I’m just being weird and over-analyzing things.

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Yeah, so I can’t really sleep and now I’m posting nonsense...

Rambling

Every morning when I am struggling to get our of bed and get ready for work, I tell myself that after work, I am going straight home to eat dinner and then go to bed really early. That way, I get plenty of sleep and feel refreshed the following day.

Yeah... that NEVER happens. I always end up staying late everytime and then kicking myself in the butt the following morning... it’s a horrible cycle. I am always so groggy in the mornings and I always feel tired.

I realize I complain about work a lot. More so lately since I’ve been feeling increasingly stressed and worn out. I wake up thinking about work, I go to work and stress about it all day, I write about work, I talk to everyone about work and at the end of the day when I’m about to go to bed, I am still thinking about it! People always tell me I care too much and that I should learn to just relax and let things slip once in a while. How the hell do I do that?! Is there a class on how not to care too much about your job like “Screw –It-I’m-Here-For-The-Money-And-That’s-It 101” that everyone else seemed to have attended? If there was one and I missed it, I would like to know where the hell I was because I sure needed it!

There’s a popular saying that goes, “Before you enter the house, make sure you leave your work at the door..” I used to think this was easy to do but now... well... I’m not so sure. It’s darn hard to not think about it especially since most of our time revolves around our jobs. It’s something we like to take pride in doing well and it’s what allows us to buy the things we need. Of course it is only rational that I’d care.

Sometimes I think to myself whether I still like what I’m doing or if it’s becoming detrimental to me. As much as I like most aspects of my job, I can’t help but feel like I ought to be doing something else. Sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on some career opportunity. Then there are times when I think that maybe I’m in the wrong field altogether... and that’s when I start freaking out a bit. It’s really bizarre sometimes.

I think that maybe it’s just a matter of growing... maybe with time, I’ll eventually learn to ease up a bit when it comes to my professional life.

Juno

Last night, Steve and I stayed behind at work to help the others run a few tests on one of our databases. Luckily enough, we didn’t have to stay the whole night and only ended up staying for an hour and a half. After leaving the office, we decided to go to Yorkdale to have dinner and see a movie. We didn’t really have a specific movie in mind and neither did we check the movie schedules before going there but we thought we’d just go and check the movie listing when we got there.

I had wanted to see Atonement since it came out but it’s not Steve’s idea of a good movie to see in the theaters (he doesn’t like period pieces and really sappy love stories… too bad for him because I just happen to love them! LOL) plus it wasn’t showing at Yorkdale so it was either National Treasure or Juno. We decided on Juno so we’d have enough time to grab a bite before the movie.

I loved Juno. I thought it was a really good movie. Don’t worry, I won’t spoil it for those of you who haven’t seen it yet and have plans on going. I’m sure most of you know it touches on teen pregnancy but yeah.. it’s an interesting movie and I especially love the lines.. quite witty. I would highly recommend it.

Some good lines from the movie:

Vanessa Loring: Your parents are probably wondering where you are.
Juno MacGuff: Nah... I mean, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?

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Juno MacGuff: You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.

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Juno MacGuff: I think I'm, like, in love with you.
Paulie Bleeker: You mean as friends?
Juno MacGuff: No, I mean, like, for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know...
Paulie Bleeker: I try really hard, actually.

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Juno MacGuff: If I could just have the thing and give it to you now, I totally would. But I'm guessing it looks, probably like a sea monkey right now, and I should let it get a little cuter.

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Juno MacGuff: I could like, have this baby and give it to someone who like totally needs it.
Leah: You should look in the PennySaver.
Juno MacGuff: They have ads for parents?
Leah: Yeah! 'Desperately Seeking Spawn.'

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Juno MacGuff: It all started with a chair.

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Juno MacGuff: Can't we just like kick this old school. You know, like I stick the baby in a basket, send it your way, like Moses and the reeds?
Mark Loring: Technically that would be Old Testament.

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Paulie Bleeker: I still have your underwear.
Juno MacGuff: I still have your virginity.
Paulie Bleeker: Shut up.

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Juno MacGuff: Can two people stay together forever?
Mac MacGuff: You mean like couples?
Juno: Yeah, like people in love.
Mac MacGuff: Are you having boy troubles? 'Cause I got to be honest, I don't much approve of you dating in your condition. That's kinda messed up! That's pretty skanky. Isn't that what you girls call it? Shanky? Skeevy? Tore up from the floor up?

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Juno MacGuff: Bleeker is actually good in... chair.

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Mac MacGuff: Look, in my opinion the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what-have-you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

Bwiset.

I’m having one of those days where I feel like jumping off a building.

The problem with helping people out is that sometimes most of the time, it’s not enough to give them instructions on what they need to do… they actually want YOU to do it FOR THEM because they really WOULD RATHER NOT deal with it THEMSELVES. I gotta tell you, it’s very annoying especially when you’re at your wit’s end with your own crap and then have to deal with other people’s crap on top of it. Ain’t it craptastic?

Pardon for me for ranting… I must be am tired…

Busy bee.

It looks like I might have to travel to Calgary again for work. I was just looking at my calendar earlier and realized that holy crap, I travel to Calgary every year!

Funny enough, I don’t travel anywhere else for work. It’s only been clients in the GTA and the Calgary trips. I was telling my co-workers how it’s ironic that I keep coming back to one place and one place alone when I want to travel to BC and I never get a client that requires me to go there. Go figure.

A big part me just wishes it doesn’t even go through. I would hate having to go to Calgary in the middle of winter because it gets so very cold there and it would be such a hassle having to travel, carry my luggage, a laptop, and a winter coat, and then go through airport security and all that. And it would be really awful if the city gets hit by a snow storm while I’m there.

It hasn’t been confirmed yet and in the meantime, I am wading through work, frantically trying to get everything done while emails pour in faster than I can say “I quit”.

I make it a point to listen to a bit of music, chat a little and post in between so I can keep my sanity.

Poem on the Train.

I saw this poem on the train and I liked it so much that I took out a pen and paper and jotted it down and I thought I'd share it with you. It is good to remember that we are the product of God's loving hands and that only through Him do we become fruitful.

Your anvil is the Earth, and with your right arm
You span the arc of Heaven like the sun.
Eight decades on this scaffolding - a lifetime -
I sought a sign of you, but there was none.

Under my chisel marble fell to stonedust,
But only torsos, idols would be born.
I found you not, elusive, radiant sunburnst,
Who glowed there pulsing under every stone.

I have myself become an ancient stone block,
Split by vines, a still, curmudgeonly old rock,
But in my sould the old flame yet burns on.

How can I shed this flesh that holds me prisoner?
Strike me, if you can love a hoary sinner,
Divine Sculptor, my God, I am the stone.

Michaelangelo's Last Prayer

- George Faludy

First-time Skater

Guess what?!

I finally went SKATING!!

Since it wasn't too cold last Friday night, Steve decided to take me skating. He knows I've never been and I've been dying to go for a really long time now so after work, he suggested that we head home, grab our skates and go downtown for dinner. I didn't own a pair of skates so his sister let me borrow hers instead (there's only about an inch or so difference between our foot size).

Nathan Phillips Square, downtown, has a rink that's free and open to the public. They have skate rentals too for those that down have one. We decided to have dinner at the Korean BBQ Grill nearby which is a really cool place to eat because you get an all-you-can-eat dinner for less than $15, the food is great and you get to cook it yourself. It was packed by the time we got there but since it was near the rink and we really didn't feel like going some place else (not to mention that we already paid for parking) we decided to wait for a table.

After dinner, we walked to the rink and Steve helped me put on my skates (those things are heavy!) and he made sure they were tight but comfortable enough to move with. After helping me with mine and putting his on, it was time to get on the ice. He went in first and told me to wait until he got a feel for it (he hasn't been skating for quite sometime so he wanted to make sure he was comfortable enough to help me). He made a lap around the rink, came back for me and slowly helped me get on the rink. I have to tell you, watching other people skate seemed easy but as soon as I stepped on the rink, I yelped and grabbed Steve for support. It was so darn slippery that I was scared to even move a little.

He kept telling me that it was ok, he wasn't going to let me fall and that we should take baby steps towards the center of the rink. It was HARD! I almost fell so MANY times and each time one of my legs slipped from under me, I'd scream and grab him. We were laughing so hard and I told him I felt a little embarrassed because everyone else seemed to know how to skate and I was the only one in the center, yelping with arms flailing. I asked him if we could move to the sides of the rink where it wasn't so obvious that I was a beginner. He looked at me and said, "Honey, beginners always skate in the middle so we don't get in the way of those people going around the rink and moving really fast..." I looked around and said, "I really hate all the people in this rink right now who make it seem so easy!"

Steve said that with enough practice, I will eventually get the hang of it and that I was doing really well for a first-time skater (maybe knowing how to roller blade helped noh?). Towards the end of the evening, I was much better although I still cannot let go of his arm. I had fallen twice on my bum and after the second fall, we called it a night. My arms were sore and I was sure I had a huge bruise forming at the part that hit the ice.

We were skating for an entire hour and although it was a bit painful, I had so much fun. Steve asked me whether I would want to go again... Of course I would!

Here are some pictures Steve and I took with my phone camera but the lighting wasn't very good so the pictures came out a little blurred.


View of City Hall and the Big Tree from the Rink


First-time skater!


The Rink


View of the Christmas Lights above the Rink


The skating champ!

The struggle

After about a week and a half off work for the holidays, we returned on Wednesday to a ton of…well… work. I already expected it to be as such but I couldn’t help but feel extremely worn out by late afternoon and all I wanted to do was go home, lie down and sleep.

I actually slept a lot during the holidays… going to bed late and getting up later the following day so having to wake up early for work has become quite a challenge again. Since coming back to work a couple of days ago, I find myself tired but unable to fall asleep and end up staying past midnight and then struggling to get my bum out of bed by morning. Ugh.

Speaking of work and being extremely busy, I noticed that my patience is not quite as much as it normally is. One of our techs has been popping in and out of my office, asking questions and I find myself always waving a hand while silently mouthing “sorry, just on a call… be with you in a bit…” and when I finally am able to talk to him, I am always rushing and a little irritable and I realize that to him, I must seem rude. I don’t mean to be rude… I just don’t have time to dilly dally. He’s a bit new to the company and I know he needs help every now and then until he gets the hang of it. I remember being new to the company once upon a time too and how confusing everything is at the beginning and I remember all those times I, myself, asked my boss for help.

I am feeling a little overwhelmed especially since we have lot on the go, we don’t have another trainer, and we lack tech support reps and this puts an awful lot more on my plate. I struggle a little to keep up with the things I need to do and I’m trying my best to remember everything on my list of tasks. I hope I don’t miss anything important or let something fall through the cracks.

I am thankful for the holiday break that we were able to enjoy… I just kinda wish I didn’t have to deal with so much work when we got back. Yeesh.

Passing the year.

I can't believe the year is almost up!

This is my fourth holiday season in Canada and I still find it weird that there are no fireworks outside and how quiet everything is compared to the Philippines. Every new year's eve I strain to hear even the faintest sound of fireworks and I'm always met with silence.

It's a habit of mine.. every new year's eve, we'd be at Quezon City spending it with family and relatives and I'd wait anxiously for midnight. In the meantime, the whole family would go to mass together, have dinner, listen to music and just talk and laugh and play games in the living room. I always looked forward to it because aside from Christmas, it was the one time of the year where I got to see and spend time with all my relatives. It's always fun and noisy and sometimes a little crazy.

Here in Canada, we try to stick to tradition as much as we can... going to mass on new year's eve, having an early dinner and preparing for media noche and all that... but I still find it very quiet. No phones ringing off the hook, no neighbors talking outside and no sound of fireworks in the distance. It's just really, really quiet.

I just spoke to my lola in Quezon City and in the background I could hear my aunts and uncles talking and how excited they were to hear from us. It feels so good to know that there are people on the other side of the world who think of us and who miss us and who love us very much even though we are very far from each other. There's nothing like Filipino family ties and Filipino friendships.

I read or hear about friends who came home for the holiday season and I can't help but feel a but envious... It would have been really nice to be able to come home to the Phils. even just for the holidays. I would have loved to see everyone.

Love This!

Every time I hear this song, I can't help but smile... it's a sad song but it's sung so wonderfully that I can't help but love it.

Blessings

Today while lying in bed, I thought about how blessed I am to have such a great, loving family and how blessed I am to have really wonderful friends who I know I can count on no matter what.

My dad's right, we may not have a lot of money, we may not have a big house or a nice car and we may not be able to afford nice things all the time but we have each other and to us, it is everything. I think about how we don't get to choose the families we are born into and I look at mine and I appreciate it all the more. I know I am lucky because not everyone gets to go home to a family like mine. I am lucky because I get a big hug from my brother almost everynight before I go to bed and I love yelling "Goodnight!" right before I enter my room and hearing 4 different voices greet me back even when they are busy. I love that when things are tough and when I'm upset or discouraged or anxious, that I have a family that listens and doesn't mind staying up late just so I can rant and get everything out of my chest.

Not only do I have a great family, but I am also blessed with such amazing friends who I may not see all the time and who I am not able to talk to as much as I want but everytime I need them, they are always there. Just the other day I was really upset about something and my first instinct was to go online and a very close friend happened to be online at the same time. I just started talking and venting and he was so patient eventhough it was midnight his time and he was probably tired and sleepy already. What touched me the most was the fact that he made sure I was ok before signing off. They're not great friends because they always agree with me and they're not great just because they're pretty or funny or smart... they're great because they really listen and not feel the need to always give advice or solve my problems, they're patient even when I am being unreasonable, they don't judge me even when I make mistakes and they tell me when I am wrong. I respect them because I know I can trust them to tell me when I'm being an idiot or being inconsiderate. I like that when I confide in them, I don't need to remind them to keep it to themselves.

There are different ways to measure success in our lives... and each person's idea of happiness and fulfillment varies. But to me, it will always be the people in my life that make all the difference. They will always be what matters most to me.

Proud.

Today I had another one of those moments where I realized my baby brother, Miguel, is really no longer a baby and that he is well into his teenage years.

I was trying to look for his email address so I could give it to my aunt. I thought I had it in my messenger contacts but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I remembered him adding me as a contact on his MSN live space so I figured I’d just access his page and I’ll find his email there. So with just a few mouse clicks I was on his page. I expected it to be a simple online page with, oh I don’t know, maybe an avatar or picture of some sort and maybe his email and messenger ID or something… but never in my life did I expect to see his blog!

I was really impressed! Although there were only 2 or 3 posts in it (mostly talking about his favorite animes and shows and his opinions on them), I thought it was still quite impressive. No grammar mistakes, no spelling errors and in full English too (oh ok, we speak English at home anyways so we’re all used to it) but I was just so proud! (and here I thought I was the only writer in the family...haha)

I don’t know how to explain it but it’s like seeing your sibling in a different light. Like seeing a side of him I never knew existed. I always knew he was smart (both my brothers are anyways) but seeing something concrete… proof of how smart and talented and witty they are is always such a pleasure. I get this warm fuzzy feeling of nothing but pure love and pride and fascination. It’s like, “look at my cute little brother and what he did and how good he is! Look, look, look!”

I can’t get over it! Just reading how he expresses himself and putting his thoughts into words and all that just makes me go… wow. I guess it’s more impressive to me because in my eyes he’ll always be my baby brother and every step he makes (no matter how small it may be) will always be big in my eyes.

Yep, it's final

When a man decides to leave, it does not necessarily mean that it’s a permanent arrangement. Often, men return or attempt a comeback. But when a woman decides to separate, it is usually with finality.

Loved this line from one of Jim Paredes' posts...

As soon as I came across this line, I found myself smiling and nodding in agreement. I always tell my male friends the same thing... and I also find that it is true for me. I'm the type that stays in a relationship for as long as I could until I can't anymore for different reasons. I've had people ask me why I decided to stick it out with my past relationships and almost always I answer with, "I wanted to make sure I gave it a good try.." At least that way I can look back at it and have no regrets. I can tell myself I've done what I can, I gave it my best shot and it just won't work. I don't want to be one of those people that ask themselves constantly what could have been if they had chosen to stay a little longer or had they given it another try.

I also find that most men, and by saying "most" by no means am I saying all men are the same, but yes, most men tend to realize only too late that they took for granted what they had. Women, on the other hand, will most likely stick it out, give it a good try (this might involve tons of girl talks, tears and several ups and downs) and although it make take awhile for a woman to say enough is enough, when she does get to that point, it's usually final. Women give this a lot of thought first before coming to a conclusion and most of the time, we weight the good and the bad and if the bad outweight the good and if we're not happy anymore, then it's probably best that we go.

I not an expert on relationships and what makes them work or fail. I, myself, am still learning new things everyday and sometimes what I think I already know, I end up questioning at some point. But whether a relationship works or not, we always take something out of it.

Christmas.

First off, a very blessed holiday season to everyone!

I celebrated Christmas at home with my family and Steve and although it was quite simple, it was still very enjoyable. I still can't get over the fact that it went by all too quickly and soon it will be another year.

The weather has also been nice lately. Still cold but it could be worse. Plus, no snow storms! (I have yet to post pictures from the previous snow storm here but I just keep forgetting to upload them!)

I'm glad that my family loved my gifts and it really feels good to give them something they liked. To be honest, I don't buy them much so when I do, I make sure it's something they'll like at least.

I still can't help but miss Christmas back home in the Philippines. I can't quite describe the feeling but it's just different. I miss the cool December mornings and warm afternoons, the kids charoling, the Christmas lights everywhere, Christmas songs on the radio, the hustle and bustle of everyone preparing for the big day and the Christmas trees in almost every house.

For some odd reason, I even miss the "Message cannot be sent" message on my cellphone on Christmas eve when trying to send text messages to friends and family because the network is jammed up with everyone trying to send greetings at the same time. You don't ever get that here in Canada unless you're outside your network or the network is down.

One day, I hope to be able to come home for Christmas. But in the meantime, I will make the most of my Christmases here.

The "Know Myself Better Test"

Found a link to this quick quiz on a friend's page and gave it a shot.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Holiday Rush

I did the last bit of my Christmas shopping last night and boy, I sure am exhausted (notice the use of the present form “am” as opposed to “was” because I am still very much exhausted even though I got 5 hours of sleep last night… I was so tired I think I barely moved in my bed). As usual, shopping at the very last minute during the holidays is a bad idea as the mall is always in such chaos and totally jam packed.

I wanted to get my parents some really nice stuff so I did a lot of walking, checking stores and prices and making sure that I was getting them the best present while still maintaining our budget (my brothers and I have decided to pool our money together). I knew my dad wanted this one sweater from Roots which he mentioned to me in passing the other day but I couldn’t find it (I think they ran out of it already) so I had to look for something else. The very small number of male-oriented stores in malls doesn’t help when you’re looking for a nice Christmas present for your dad. Then I couldn’t decide on what was a better present for mom and then when I finally decided on what to get for them, I had to get them wrapped. I must’ve gone back in forth through the entire mall atleast twice.

Then of course I had to carry them all the way home in the packed subway train and then outside in the cold and by the time I got home, it was already past 10 pm. I was thirsty, hungry (I hadn’t eaten anything since lunch) and just about ready to pass out. I was so hungry that I filled the entire plate with food, warmed it, and gobbled it all down in just 10 minutes. Whoa!

After rinsing my plate, putting it in the dishwasher with all the other dishes and running it, I began working on my Christmas cards (good thing I have green and red pens handy for the Christmas season).

It was past midnight by the time I slipped into bed and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was gone.

It’s amazing how much stamina and determination I have for shopping and yet have no will power to go to the gym. LOL.

Friends...Time... Distances

It’s amazing how much of an impact one person can have on you.

I think I’m terrible at keeping in touch with people (although Steve seems to think otherwise). Sure, I drop by a friend’s page every now and then to leave a message but I’m not particularly good at sending long emails on a regular basis. I don’t know why that is. Don’t get me wrong, I love my close friends so very much but I just can’t seem to develop the habit of constant communication.

It’s not to say that I don’t miss them because the truth is, I do miss them… a LOT. And I do wonder about how they are doing, where they are and what they’re doing. There isn’t a day that I don’t want to see them or hear from them.

Looking back at when I first met them, I had no idea back then how close we’d become and how important they would be to me. But through the years, I’ve grown to love them as if they were my own brothers and sisters.

Being in Canada makes it challenging to keep in touch as I’m not always in the most convenient time zone to call or chat (unless someone stays up ridiculously late at night). It also doesn’t help that some of us constantly travel so it’s a little hard to keep track of where people are at any one time. It’s obviously something we just have to learn to deal with and hopefully still be able to maintain close friendships despite the circumstances.

Of course I worry that there will come a time when we’ll be too caught up with the on-goings of our own lives that we might forget to keep in touch or that we’ll grow tired of each other and find new and interesting people to be friends with and share things with. People change and that’s a fact. As we grow older, we lose some friends and make all new ones. But even though I know that and that certain things are just beyond my control, I will still be sad if and when that happens.

Expenses.

Ever notice how fast your pay cheque slips through your hands? Sometimes it suprises me to find out how much of mine has disappeared in such a short amount of time that I immediately begin to think that:

a) someone has finally found a way to hack into my bank account and take my money.
b) my bank is secretly charging me fees that I don't know about.
c) I am being overcharged by one of my automatic debit bills.

Because I have no idea where my money went and the sum of my expenses (which I would tally in my head) don't add up right, I would end up checking my account for the last 10 transactions I've made.

For some reason, it rarely occurs to me that it must be the shopping I've been doing (which is funny because it almost always seems to be the cause).

And I always forget that I have items that automatically get debited off my account every month so that's always out the window. When you think about it, it's really the little things you spend money on that kill you in the end.

Lately, I have been looking at how much money I make and my expenses and I realized I should be able to save so much more than I am saving now. I just REALLY need to stop spending and learn to save more.

Some discipline is what I need.

Holiday Shopping.

I'm exhausted.

I decided it was about time I took care of some Christmas shopping so I passed by the Eaton Centre on my way home from work. I thought that I would be avoiding the crowd by going on a week night. It really didn't make a difference. It was packed and there were long lines everywhere. I know, I shouldn't have procrastinated on it.

It was a good thing that I already had an idea of what I wanted to get so it was a bit easier rather than going through the entire mall not knowing what to get. It was still a little painful weeding through the crowd and standing in line to pay but what can I do? It was worth it in the end because I got some really great gifts.

One thing I noticed, during this time of the year, a lot of men are carrying yoga/gym mats and doing a lot of shopping at Lulu Lemon. Of course I am assuming it's for their significant others. I just find it funny that all men seem to have the same idea for a gift. I must admit, it's quite endearing to see a guy in the subway carrying a pink mat.

There's still some holiday shopping left to do but I just have zero energy to do all of it this evening. I can only assume that the next few days won't be any better.

All Alone?

Steve and I, together with some friends, saw I Am Legend last Friday. We had been waiting for it for sometime now… the theatrical trailers were so good.

I somewhat knew the synopsis of the movie since I researched it before I even saw the movie and ruined it for both my brothers by telling them (sorry!). But even so, I still wanted to see the movie. I liked it although it was a bit traumatizing to think of the world that way. I remember wishing I was the only person in the world when I was little but after seeing the movie, the thought of being all alone in the world suddenly seemed so scary and downright awful. I don’t know what I’d do.

I’d elaborate further on this topic but then I’d hate to ruin it for the rest of you so I’ll let you guys watch it on your own.

Keeping the music playing.

Lately I've been thinking about people and the few couples out there who are lucky to have such great and loving relationships.

It must be amazing to spend every single moment of your life with someone who you are absolutely, crazy in-love with and who is just as crazy in-love with you. How rare it is to find something like that in life isn't it?

Where do you even begin? When you think about it, it's quite surreal how two people of completely different backgrounds, born into different families and who grew up in completely different environments meet at some point in their lives and click. The chances of that happening is quite rare and it's even more amazing for those that stay happy in-love together for the rest of their lives.

I am always left in awe of the couples I know, meet, hear, or read about who are clearly crazy about each other even after so many years of being together. It's almost as if the world would stop turning if the other wasn't there. I am most amazed at those who can still find wonder in each other's presence despite everything they've been through and despite everything they probably know about each other. Wouldn't it be amazing to wake up every morning beside someone who knows you inside out and still loves you so very much?

How often do you see couples eating breakfast together or sitting at a porch or at a park bench just talking and enjoying themselves? How many couples do you see who after being together for so long still miss each other when they are apart? Most importantly, how many couples do you know out there who still do sweet little things for each other?

It's difficult as it is to find someone to be with, difficult to make it work and then have to make it last.

As James Ingram would sing, how do you keep the music playing?

Babies are good judges!

I came across this interesting article posted on Yahoo:

Babies gravitate toward good Samaritans, study says
By Tom A. PeterWed

Six- and 10-month-old babies are much more capable judges of character than previously thought. Not only can infants pick out a good Samaritan, they tend to identify with them, according to a Yale University study published in the journal Nature.

The study released last month presented babies with a diorama-like display of an anthropomorphic circle struggling to make it up a hill. Just when it appeared that all hope was lost, a heroic triangle appeared, and pushed the circle to the top. The round climber bounces, clearly elated to have reached the summit. The same scenario is played out again, only this time a square appears at the top of the hill and pushes the circle to the bottom.

The babies were then asked to pick a toy – the helper or the hinderer, as scientists called them. One hundred percent of 6-month-olds and 87.5 percent of 10-month-olds chose the helper. The results were consistent even when the triangle and the square swapped places as good guy and bad guy. In several other iterations of the experiment, the helper, regardless of shape or color, won out.

"Babies are very competent socially," says Kiley Hamlin, lead author of the study. "They can figure this kind of stuff out without people explicitly teaching what's nice and not nice and who's nice and who's not nice."

In another component of the study, researchers showed the circle choosing to sit with the helper or the hinderer. In this instance they found that 10-month-old babies were far more adept at noticing something seemed strange when the circle decided to sit with the hinderer. (They figured this out by how long the baby watched the helper or hinderer pair up with the circle, working under the assumption that babies, like adults, study something that appears out of the ordinary.)

While other research has shown that babies make assessments about people based on their physical appearance – they gravitate toward attractive people – these new findings show more complex levels of judgment.

"In any species that needs to cooperate as much as humans do … we always need to know who might be a good cooperator and who might not," says Ms. Hamlin.

Meme

Nicked this one from Violet

Do you own a gun?
Nope.

What do you think of hot dogs?
Tender Juicy (a Philippine brand – believe it or not) is still my favorite. I have a theory too – hotdogs sold on the street tastes better. LOL

What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Water or coffee.

Can you do push-ups?
I can do a few and then I’ll roll over to my back, gasping for air and thinking that I am going to die.

What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
Earrings. I almost never go out of the house without them.

What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex?
Wit? Charm? I don’t know! Hahaha

Middle name?
In the Philippines it would be mom’s maiden name but in Canada, they’ll consider my second name my middle name (confusing eh?)

Name three thoughts at this exact moment:

1. Why is time going by so SLOWLY?
   
2. What am I going to buy with my $500 gift?
   
3. I wonder how much my next pay cheque will be…

What time did you wake up today?
6:15 am

Current hate?
Slow databases

Name three drinks you regularly drink:

1. water
   
2. pop/iced tea
   
3. coffee

Do you own slippers?
yep.

What shirt are you wearing?
A brown tank top and a sweater on top.

Do you burn or tan?
Burn… easily too.

Favorite color(s)?
White, Blue… pastel colors mostly

Would you be a pirate?
Nah.

What is your favorite holiday?
Christmas

What songs do you sing in the shower?
I hardly sing in the shower and if I do, it’s because I’m having a last song syndrome.

What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Those puppets hanging in our bedroom wall. I don’t know what my parents were thinking hanging them there to begin with!

What’s in your pockets right now?
Nothing.

Last thing that made you laugh?
the site I mentioned in my previous post.

Best bed sheets as a child?
There’s one that was soft and had cartoon characters on it and it was white with a predominantly green design (aside from the cartoon characters, of course).

Worst injury you’ve ever had?
I can’t think of one right now.

Are your parents still together?
Yes.

Do you wish on shooting stars?
Not really. I’m lucky to even see one.

What is your favorite book(s)?
Just refer to my Book widget on the right side of this page.

What is your favorite candy?
I don’t have a favorite candy.

How is the weather outside right now?
A little cloudy and cold.

What was your first thought this morning when you woke up?
what am I going to wear to work?!

Die Hard.

Last night, Dad brought home the DVD for Live Free or Die Hard.

I didn’t see it in the theaters because I thought it would suck but when I saw it last night, I thought it was actually quite good. Of course there were scenes that made us go, “Yeah right, like that’s possible!” but it was still really entertaining nonetheless.

During the entire movie, my family kept referring to poor Justin Long as “MAC”. At the part where they go to see the “Warlock”, both JR and dad go “Oh look he’s going to see PC!” LOL. I think Justin Long will always be popularly known as “the MAC” from now on. I love those commercials by the way. Whoever came up with that concept was genius.

I wish I was as smart as those hackers featured in the movie. Not that I want to be a hacker… I just want to be as “talented” in figuring codes and making different algorithms. I think it’s geeky but cool.

Nakanampucha.

I came across this site while browsing through another person’s blog (this line seems all too familiar…how many times have I mentioned stumbling onto something from someone else’s page?? It’s amazing where one mouse click leads you. LOL)

http://nakanampucha.wordpress.com

Aaaannnyywwaayy, the site name caught my attention and I thought the site itself is pretty hilarious. I’m so glad I came across first thing this morning. It certainly made my day.

I couldn’t stop laughing and I’m just glad I have my own office or else everyone will think I’m nuts for laughing by myself.

Misleading.

Someone had sent the company boxes of Laura Secord chocolates which are now sitting in the kitchen for anyone who wants some. It’s one of those boxes with assorted chocolates inside and a small leaflet telling you what each kind is… it’s quite nice except that when you take a bite of the said chocolates, it never turns out to be what you expect it to be from the leaflet. So freakin’ annoying. I took a look at the leaflet and decided on a piece that was supposed to be white chocolate with pistachio inside. I took one bite and instead of a nut inside, it was cream! I read and re-read the leaflet and it clearly said pistachio nut.

Very misleading, indeed.