Trouble with others.

I realized long ago that I have a hard time forgiving and forgetting. It’s not the forgiving part that I have trouble with… it’s the forgetting. They say you don’t really forgive if you can’t forget but it’s not my fault that my good memory keeps reminding me. I always say that it takes a lot to get on my bad side but once you’re there, you’re there for good. I must have gotten really hurt or upset for me to remember. Moreover, the person must have done me wrong repeatedly in more than one way.

For the record, I don’t hate a lot of people (in fact, I can only come up with 2 right now.. I don’t even know if I really hate them or if it’s just dislike that I feel for them). Hate is such a strong word after all. Although I admit that at the heat of the moment, when I am truly upset, I utter the words “I hate…” (insert name here). But I get annoyed, irritated, and impatient every now and then (hey, who doesn’t?).

And then there are those very rare people that I meet that I don’t like from the get-go and I have no idea why. My mom tells me people tend to dislike those that they envy. I don’t know if that’s true ALL the time. There are people I don’t like but I don’t envy them. They just bother me… a LOT. I do realize that there are people in my life who I find difficult to get along with. Not that they did anything wrong to me… we just don’t click for some unknown reason. I don’t hate them either but I wouldn’t necessarily go out of my way to spend a huge amount of time with them. And to be honest, I can’t see myself spending a lot of time with them because I get very impatient. It’s something I realize I have to improve about myself but I’m struggling to be warm towards those I don’t like even if they didn’t do anything to me. So very wrong, I know.

I don’t think I’m a very difficult person to get along with but I’m not perfect. I realize there are people out there who must not like me very much either. But I guess we all try to get along as best as we can.