Tough

It's the little things I accomplish that sometimes makes me the happiest. Yesterday, one of our technicians was off sick and so I had to "man the post" so to speak. I was a bit worried that I would either get an email or phone call with an issue that required something beyond what I could do or what I knew how to do. Buti nalang I only received 2 support calls and I was able to resolve both issues.

We have 3 new employees - a tech, a salesman and a receptionist. Sometimes I can't help but feel a bit stressed because I worry that they're not going to work out and I always feel terrible when someone's being let go. It really bothers me especially if I know the person is the bread winner of the family or if it's someone's who's older. There have a been a few instances where we've had to let go of people for various reasons and I felt really sorry for them (well, most of them.. there were a couple I was glad to see go). I'm just glad I'm not involved in any of these activities. I would hate to have to do the "firing"... I would hate to just be in the room when they do it especially when I've heard stories of some begging to be given another chance. I don't think I can handle it.

Our new tech reminds me of my dad. Something about his mannerism and the way he carries himself just makes me think of my dad. I don't work closely with him because the side of the company that I belong to isn't the same one that he belongs to so we really have nothing to do with each other. I also do not know how easy or difficult it is to learn the product that the other side of our company sells and supports. But I do know that he is struggling and I can't help but cringe everytime they give him a hard time. I honestly can't tell if he is the problem or if management and the other people on the team maybe have unreasonable expectations. Pero nakakaawa talaga. The other day his manager gave him such a hard time that I had to leave the room because I couldn't stand it. If he were my dad, I know there's no way I would stand for it. But anyway, I really hope he works out.

I know business is business... and that sometimes you have to make tough decisions for the sake of the success of the company. Pero that doesn't keep from feeling for others.

Just Tired.

Sometimes I am still taken aback by people’s inability to read and follow simple instructions. I begin to wonder if the person’s (a) just busy, (b) confused, (c) slow, or (d) inept.

I’ve had a rough day at work today. Come to think of it, I’ve been a bit unhappy at work lately. To be honest, I just feel unappreciated and taken for granted. It just feels like the longer I stay with the company, the more unhealthy it’s becoming. I love working with Steve – he’s great and he’s probably one of the few things I love about my job. Aside from the paycheque that pays the bills and helps us afford a few things, he’s one of the reasons I’ve stayed for as long as I have with the company I work for. But everything else that surrounds us is becoming more and more unbearable as time goes by. I don’t know if it’s because we’re getting busier by the day and everyone’s stressed out and have the tendency to take it out on others. I’d like to believe the when all the stress-inducing factors go away, people would be less edgy and there would be less tension around the office. But I know the problems go deeper than that. It seems like every day, Steve and I have to talk each other into staying on the job. We both know it makes sense to stay for now... but there are days when we’d love to just hand in our resignation papers and walk out the door. Sometimes when I am so frustrated, I daydream about winning the lottery and being so stinking wealthy that I wouldn’t have to take BS from anyone anymore. That lottery ticket would be the slap in the face I am dreaming of giving them.

On the other hand, I can’t help but also be grateful that I am employed... that we are both employed. I watch the news and read about the lives of those affected by the recession and I feel extremely guilty for even complaining about my circumstances. By their standards, I have no right to complain. And to be honest, at the end of the day, I think to myself that it is better to have a job that I somewhat hate but pays the bills than having no job and worrying about where the money is going to come from. Despite all my work-related frustrations, I do feel blessed to have what I’ve been given.

I guess I’m just venting. It’s almost midnight and I’m tired. I am thinking of the things I need to do tomorrow as soon as I get to work. I am thinking of the little spat I had with one of my managers. I am thinking of all the things I need to follow up on and trying to prioritize my tasks so that nothing false through the cracks. I am trying not to screw up. I am trying.

Shopping Online - Love and Torture

I really have to stop window shopping online (if there is such a thing). It’s driving me nuts! I want to buy buy buy! But I can’t!!

Oh man, this is the hard part when you live in a place that has 4 seasons. You always feel the urge to check out the new stuff coming out for the coming season. The temptation to spend is so strong!

Arrgggh! Someone should just put some sort of security setting on my computers to prevent me from even visiting online stores. It’s pure evil.

Feeling a little frustration

Uh oh, I’m feeling the shopping itch again… tsk tsk… very bad. I did a bit of shopping during our 1-week stay in Virginia and my primary objectives were to buy a pair of nice, comfy black leather boots and a sweater dress to wear during the cold season. I specifically wanted to buy boots that would look nice with a dress or a skirt, preferably with heels and one that covered my leg up to just below my knees. Who knew it would be so impossible to find a pair that looks good and fits me well at the same time?! I tried on so many different pairs but none fit right. I’m beginning to think that maybe I have odd-shaped legs. I have really small calves which makes it extra difficult to find a nice fitting pair since most of the ones I do find don’t hug my legs well enough and there’s always a bit of a gap between my legs and the boot. Not flattering at all. Over-the-knee boots are what seems to be dominating most shoes stores and those just make me look even shorter than I actually am. I also find that scrunch boots seem to look best on me but I don’t know if they look good with dresses or skirts.

I found a nice sweater dress at Banana Republic here in Canada before we left for the States. I had seen it online before and had always wanted to buy it and it finally went on sale for $100 at the store. But because I had planned to go shopping with my cousin in the States, I wanted to wait until I was out with her before spending money. And so I didn’t buy it. As it turns out, I didn’t really find any nice sweater dresses during my stay in Virginia so when we got back to Toronto, I checked out Banana Republic to see if they still had the dress. As expected, it was gone. Not a single one left in the store. Bummer.

I saw this one very cute dress at Esprit in the States but they no longer had my size. It was on sale too which was a bonus. I checked online to see if they maybe still had sizes on their website but as it turns out, they’ve completely run out of my size.

I can’t help but get frustrated because when I have the means to shop, I can’t seem to find what I need and there aren’t a lot of nice things out. But when I’m completely tapped and shopping is out of the question, the stores will be filled with nice, shiny items. Why is that?

My laptop

got stolen today. Huge bummer.

We had planned to pass by the mall today after work since there was a lamp I had seen on a website that I wanted to check out. We eventually did buy the lamp together with a few other items, had dinner there and when we got home, I noticed that my laptop bag wasn't in the car anymore where I left it. Out of panic, we decided to drive back to work and see if I had somehow left it there by accident. I knew I brought it with me but since we lived only 20 minutes away from work, it wouldn't hurt to go and see if it was there. Turns out I was right, I did in fact bring it with me and it was in fact gone.

I gotta tell you, whoever stole it knew what he was doing. Somehow he was able to open the car doors, take the bag and locked the car again. We didn't even notice it was gone until we got home!

I can't tell you how bad it feels to lose something so personal as a laptop. I invested quite a bit of money on it when I bought it 3 years ago. It had all my photos, music and various files. The laptop itself is replaceable but the contents aren't so easy to get back. Thankfully, I have back-ups of our wedding photos and my dad has a back-up of most of my photos on his computer (I don't know why he has them but he does). My brother has a software that allows me to grab the songs that are in my iPod and put it back into a computer so I can always give that a try. I am just a bit perplexed about all the other pictures that I may not have a back-up of and knowing that someone else has something that rightfully belongs to me is unnerving.

A laptop is something I consider personal and I can't help but feel somewhat violated. I know there are people out there who have no qualms about stealing but it doesn't make it right.

Edward's Perspective

I’ve been reading the Midnight Sun draft from Stephenie Meyer’s website again these past few days. Even though I’ve read it a few times before and even though I know the story inside and out, I still get hooked on it once I start reading the first few lines. I still feel disappointed that the draft stops at 264 pages and that Stephenie has decided to put it on hold indefinitely. I understand why she would be upset about the draft being leaked on the internet but I wouldn’t have even known about the leakage if she had not posted anything about it on her website together with the draft. So a draft was leaked... she did mention that there were several versions of the draft... but because there was no confirmation of which version is true and accurate and since it isn’t finished, she could have continued writing it and fans like me would still be waiting for the real thing to be published so we could eagerly get our hands on a copy and read it. Sometimes I even wonder why she bothered showing some people the draft to her book which led to the leak.

I loved reading the book from Isabella Swan's perspective but I would equally enjoy reading the entire story again from Edward's perspective. To learn the reasons behind his gestures and facial expressions. To gain more insight on his character. It would be nice too to look at Bella from his angle when you're not as privy to her thoughts.

I realize I’m being selfish about the whole thing. I’m just really disappointed that there is a huge possibility she might never finish writing it and hence, I will never get to read it. It just feels so unfair to be denied that privilege.

Nakakainis talaga!

A Case of Verbal Diarrhea

I feel so sleepy and I have a training session starting in half an hour. I am not looking forward to it at all. I knew it was a bad idea to go out for gyros at 10:30 pm last night but it was a last minute invitation from a bunch of friends to celebrate one of the guy’s big mile stone. So even though Steve and I were already getting ready for bed when we got the phone call, we decided to go anyway. I didn’t get a lot of sleep the night before either so all I feel like doing right now is jumping into bed and just sleeping.

Our CEO and his wife just had a baby – their firstborn – so Steve and I decided to get them a present. I had just finished wrapping it the other night, complete with ribbons and all, when I realized that I had actually wrapped the card with the present. So dumb of me. The plan was to leave the gift on his desk but since stupid me decided to wrap the gift with the card inside, now I have to personally hand him the gift and explain that the card is wrapped inside. Ugh!! I can only imagine what he is going to think of it. I can’t even wrap a present properly.

I am considering having a physical check-up one of these days. I suspect that I have low blood because I keep getting bruises, I am always tired and I get dizzy really easily. Every time I mention these symptoms to anyone, the response I often get is the “are you pregnant?” inquiry. I know I’m not but people always give me that quizzical, are-you-hiding-something-from-me look. Like I would hide that kind of happy news! Crazy!

Being a newly-wed, I always get asked “how’s married life?” and I always reply with either “It’s good, pretty much the same as when we were dating except we see each other all the time..” or “It’s okay... it’s good.” Let me tell you, apparently replying with the latter is not good. I think the expected reply is “It’s GREAT! I LOVE being Married!” where you proceed to jump up and down gleefully and clap your hands like an excited little girl. Hehehehe! Just kidding. Seriously though, I don’t know what people expect to hear but when I say that being married is okay and that it’s good, they look like they’re expecting more. But in Filipino, when someone asks, “kamusta ka naman?” and you answer with “okay naman” it’s usually a good thing. I guess when using the same expression in English where your reply is a mere “okay”, it’s worrisome. Truth is, I love being married. Yes, there are things that didn’t change from when we were dating and there are things that are new and require some getting used to and there are things that are worse and things that are better. But that’s married life.

The other question I get asked often is whether I like kids and if we’re going to have some. I love kids and yes I would love to have some. Then before I can continue, someone will interrupt and say, “I think you should wait before having them.... it’s a lot of responsibility... wait till you are ready, are stable, when you no longer want to party,...” yada yada yada... it always annoys me... just because I said that I love kids and would love to have some doesn’t necessarily mean I’m trying to get pregnant now. Sometimes I think it’s a trick question you know? It’s like there’s no safe way of answering it without getting some form of lecture or advice. I think next time, I will begin by saying, “We’re waiting to have kids for now but yes I would love to have one when we are ready...” The funny thing is, I know that the closer I get to thirty, the more pressure we’ll be getting to have kids. I’m telling you, you’re either too young to have them or you’re getting too old and you should be thinking of trying to have one. It’s like when you’re engaged and you hear people saying you’re too young to get married or when you’re not in a relationship and you hear people asking you why and then telling you that you’re getting older so you should be thinking of settling down soon. It’s as if you could will your future spouse to come at the right time when people feel you should get married. “Um, do you mind coming into my life when I’m 26 years old and then we can date for about 2 years and then we can marry by the time I’m 28 because that would just be perfect.”

Aaannnyyyhow, I’ve had mixed feelings about the weather lately. I’ve always said how big of a fan I am of warm weather and how I’d rather be hot than be freezing. But it’s been so humid and hot these past few days that it has made sleeping at night a bit uncomfortable. We don’t have airconditionig in our place so it does get really muggy really easily. As a suggestion (if anyone could actually suggest weather and temperature conditions), I would prefer to have hot days and cool nights. Not cold – just cool”er”. That way, it would make sleeping a bit more pleasant.

We were invited to a BBQ this weekend and have been asked to bring meatballs for at least 100 people. So we’re probably going to be spending our Saturday afternoon up to our elbows in ground beef, flour, eggs, mint, onions and breadcrumbs. I’ve never made 100 meatballs before so it should be quite an adventure. I hope we don’t show up for the event smelling like cooking oil!

Why me?

Our CEO approached me today to ask how QA is doing. I gave him a safe answer by saying that we were getting there. I never really get into details with him as it is never good to do so. Not that I am trying to be sneaky about anything. But he does tend to make a big fuss about unnecessary things and completely ignores the big issue at hand. So the safest bet in every situation is to give a safe answer and let the managers take care of the rest. It has always been the way to go within our company.

So anyhow, he asked me if it would be possible to have a meeting with him at some point to go over the QA process. He was curious as to how we do QA – what steps are involved, how we track and report issues, how do they get passed on to development... and so on. I told him I wouldn’t mind having the meeting with him and all he has to do is let me know when he wants to have it. I acted cool, calm and collected... just like how a good employee acts when in front of the big boss. But the truth is, as soon as he leaves, I freak out. I freak out because he really should be having this meeting with my supervisor who is the head of QA and not me. I freak out because I don’t know what his expectations are, what it is exactly he is looking for in terms of QA processes. Mostly I am freaking out because I don’t know what to do and I don’t know just how much information he is looking for and how much information my supervisor is comfortable with me giving (remember the whole keep the details away from him issue I mentioned earlier?).

My other boss (yes, I have multiple bosses because I’m special...hahahaha.. kidding! I have so many different tasks that span different departments so I end up having to report to more than one manager) told me to go ahead and just show him how it’s done. Easy for him to say because he doesn’t have to be in that meeting and he really isn’t involved in that part of my work. Eck! I am so anxious it’s making me sick.

I really hope I get a chance to speak to my supervisor first (she’s on vacation but should be back tomorrow) so that she can give me advice as to how best to go over the meeting with the CEO. Or better, have her spare me the trouble!

If worse comes to worse, I may just have to wing it and hope for the best. Totally not comforting.

Where do I buy a bit of creativity?

I am considering revamping my blog but I’m too lazy to do it. It takes so much work to have it look like the way I want it and since I don’t always know what codes to use, I have to go online and do a bit of research. I also often find myself looking for graphics and images to use and the ones that are free aren’t always that great, and the ones that are great aren’t always free. I got really inspired after seeing a few other blogs that had such beautiful designs. The only problem is, most of them were web designers and they know a lot more than I do. I know what I know only be reading and practicing but that’s about it. I need to re-learn web design via Photoshop since I’ve already forgotten most of it.

I am also considering changing the site name but I can’t think of anything. How do other people come up with such cool and witty names anyway? I feel like a dumbass for not being able to come up with anything creative or original. You’d think I’d know a lot of words with all the reading I do but nothing comes to mind whenever I think about it... nada, nil, zero, NOTHING.

Other people can pull it off with a simple phrase or word and it would still sound interesting. Me? I come up with the cheesiest names possible. I don’t even dare mention the names that have come to mind.

Oh how frustrating... do you think I can buy creativity even for a day?

Grumpy.

I’m having a really bad day at work. Not only did I have so many things to do today, but I also received a phone call from a really difficult client who almost single-handedly consumed what little remaining patience I had in me. I’ve had several back and forth emails and conversations with our development team regarding certain major issues within our application and because there is a bit of communication gap in the department, it has made it even more challenging to get a task done. To top it off, I am told that the pay raise we were promised isn’t exactly going to happen. Just what I needed to hear at the end of my work day.

I suddenly feel very tired and unmotivated. I would elaborate on why exactly it is that I feel so upset over the things I’ve mentioned but something’s are just better left off the internet.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful I even have a job. But sometimes there are things that just drive me off the ledge.

PMS and the Wii Fit.

I can’t tell you enough how glad I am that it’s Friday. This week has left me drained out and extremely tired. Last night, I passed out on my bed at 11 pm and woke up this morning in almost the exact same position. I slept so soundly and yet I still felt tired when I got up.

I am easily annoyed these days… I honestly think it’s because I’m PMS-ing. I don’t know if that’s considered too much information on this blog but it is what it is. If you aren’t female, then I’m sure you’ve got sisters, mothers, girlfriends, aunts, wives, and daughters so this shouldn’t come as a surprise. Anyhoo, I’ve noticed that the littlest things upset me, I am needy and I am very sensitive. One minute I’m completely fine and the next minute I feel like bursting into tears. The thing is, I am aware of the fact that it’s my hormones causing all these mood swings I’ve been having and yet I can’t seem to control any of it. I’m just plain emotional… and it sucks.

We bought a Wii Fit over the holidays and I’ve been trying to get some much needed exercise using it. I even created my own Mii character (very similar to an avatar except that it’s a 3D graphic). The Wii Fit has four (4) major types of exercises that are designed to tone and strengthen your body as well as improve posture and balance. Before you begin an exercise, it suggests that you do a body test where it measures your BMI and weight and then gives you tips on how to burn fat or tone muscles effectively. When you are ready to train, you get to choose between Yoga, Strengthening exercises, Aerobics and Balance exercises. You can choose to only do one form of exercise but you are encouraged to combine all four to help improve your overall fitness. The more time you spend exercising, the more kinds of exercises you unlock.

Well, let me tell you, I’m now officially addicted to it. I try to go on the Wii Fit for at least half an hour to an hour every other day. Since I started, I have only really lost maybe barely a pound or two but maann… different parts of my body hurt! First it was my legs, then my abs, then my back muscles, then my arms and today my side muscles hurt. The sad thing is that I don’t see any improvement physically but I do feel lots of soreness. I hear that’s a good thing because it means I’m stretching my muscles. I don’t know for sure but I better see some physical improvements! Not that I’m overweight… the opposite actually… but there are certain areas I would like to improve.. like having a flatter tummy or toned arms. I am told I need to watch my food intake too but it’s so hard! I’m always hungry! I tend to snack when I’m bored! I can totally empathize with people who find it hard to curb their appetites… I’m one of them!

I love going on the Wii Fit because I can just go on it anytime I want to and in the comfort of my own home. I don’t think it’s designed for body builders but it might just be good enough for what I need. I’m not looking at having big muscles anyway. If the Wii Fit isn’t enough, maybe then I’ll consider getting a gym membership. In the meantime, I’m going to continue having fun with it and hoping it will at least give my a flatter tummy.

Cold Weather Alert.

We have a cold weather alert today. According to this morning’s weather report, the warmest it’s going to get is a still very cold -11 degrees Celsius. The low is apparently a freezing -21 degrees and if we factor in the wind chill, it would feel like -29 degrees.



Because I am always cold, I decided I should put on even more layers of clothing today due to the kind of temperatures we are having. I am wearing thick socks that go almost up to my knees, jeans, a long-sleeved white shirt with a thick wool turtleneck on top of it, and thick, water-proof boots with fur lining inside. To top it all off, I also have a scarf, leather gloves and a thick winter jacket that are long enough to cover my thighs. I officially now look like a miniature Sasquatch. I can barely move with all the layers of clothing I am wearing. I imagine you can probably try to punch me and I wouldn’t feel a thing.

It was biting cold when I got out of the house this morning. I could see my breath turn into white air every time I exhaled and my nostrils felt so dry and brittle that I thought my nose would bleed. My head was covered and so were my ears so that helped a little bit. But it was really uncomfortable being outside in such cold conditions.

It is days like today when I wish I were somewhere warm.

Ramblings of the Day.

I have read and re-read all of my Twilight books including the draft for Midnight Sun and I don’t think I will ever get over these books. No matter how often I read them, I still get that same giddy feeling the first time I laid my hands on them. They still keep me up late at night reading under the covers and imagining scenes and conversations. I still cry at all the sad parts even though I already know what’s next in the story. Every time I see a magazine with Twilight on the cover, I feel the urge to pick it up and browse through the contents, curious as to what new, interesting information I would find inside (as if I haven’t already read everything there is to read about it). I’ve watched the movie twice (once in the theatres and the other time over the internet). The movie was not great but it was ok… enough for me to want to watch more than once. I know I only like the movie because of the books. I think that had I not read or liked the books, I wouldn’t like the movie. But that’s just me.

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Don’t you wish sometimes that people would think first before they speak?

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I have been feeling very tired and irritable lately. I think it’s a combination of work-related stress and a bunch of other things that all seem to take place at once. Sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out. I just get so frustrated! It’s one thing after another. I try to do someone a favor and all I get in return are complaints. Very seldom do I get appreciation in return. I can’t help but feel a bit discouraged because the nicer I try to be, the harder it gets for me. Am I doing something wrong?

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One of the things I admire about my brother, JR, is his ability to be frank without sounding rude or offensive. He doesn’t let people push him around and he speaks his mind when he doesn’t agree with something. Unlike me who tends to be more of a “YES” person, he knows when to say yes and when to say no. He knows his boundaries, draws a clear line and demands that people respect it. He’s not afraid of confrontation and he doesn’t shy away from bosses or managers or people with titles. He says it as it is and I love him for it. I wish I was more like him in that sense. Confrontations are uncomfortable for me. I don’t always speak up even when I know I need to and that is why abrasive and overly aggressive people find me an easy target. I get upset and I let it fester inside me until it comes to a point where I can’t hold it in anymore and then I blow up. I could save myself all this trouble if I just learn to say something from the get-go. I am always afraid of hurting other people or saying something and having it come out wrong. Sometimes I am afraid that opening my mouth will lead to something worse. While I lie in bed at night, thinking of all the things that have hurt me during the day, my brother is sleeping soundly in his bed. He’s done his part… now if I can only do that too.

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Work is very busy but also very boring at the same time. As I type and QA at the same time, I am singing along to Glory of Love by Peter Cetera. How sad is that?

And they eliminated two great dancers...

I am so disappointed at the results of So You Think You Can Dance Canada last night. Two of my favorite dancers – Arasay and Vincent got eliminated. In my opinion, they were two of the strongest and most talented dancers on the show. I actually expected them to be at the top 4 and so did many others. I just can’t believe that Canada voted Vincent off and kept Izaak. C’mon people! Yes, Izaak's good but he sucks compared to all the other remaining dancers. He should go home already!

It’s so discouraging because it almost seems as though dancers remain on the competition due to popularity votes rather than based on technical skill. It’s obvious how talented Arasay and Vincent were and how good they were at adapting to different styles of dancing. It was truly such a huge disappointment to see them go. I would have enjoyed watching them dance a few more routines all the way to the finals.

Excited, Disappointed, Giddy and Sad

I can’t tell you how excited I am that Twilight is coming out on Friday! I am so giddy I feel as though I’m bouncing off walls. Every time they show the trailer on TV, I stop whatever it is I’m doing, run to the living room and jump up and down while clapping my hands like a silly school girl. Steve just laughs at me and my brothers think I’m a complete dork. But I don’t care! I love it!

I try not to set my hopes up too high. Chances are, the book will probably be better than the movie but I’d love to see it anyways. I am still a bit unsure of Robert Pattinson playing Edward but I’ll know for sure when I see the movie. I really… REALLY hope it doesn’t disappoint.

I have Twilight in my head day and night and while having lunch on Sunday at a Chinese restaurant downtown, I noticed a guy sitting at the table across from me. His features were similar to how I envisioned Edward in my head and of course I couldn’t help but look at him every now and then (I actually think he might have noticed… whoops!). Steve was sitting beside me and I think I might have actually whispered to him, “Honey, see that guy across us? He looks like Edward from my book…”

I checked Stephenie Meyer’s website last week and saw that she had posted the draft for Midnight Sun which is basically the Twilight Story but told from Edward’s point of view. I absolutely enjoyed reading it. It was nice to be able to know Edward a little bit better… to be able to know what he was thinking and feeling all those times when Bella could only read his facial expressions. It was also nice being able to get to know the Cullen Family a bit better and the extent of their relationship and the complexities of being vampires. I am very disappointed though to read that Stephenie has decided to put Midnight Sun on hold indefinitely due to a leak of the draft online. I am upset at the people who leaked it (whether intentionally or unintentionally) and that because of it, I might never be able to read Midnight Sun. I just can’t get over the fact that it has been put on hold indefinitely. I don’t even know if it will ever be published. I am just plain sad about it (depressed actually). I’ve contemplated on writing Stephenie to try to encourage her to continue writing but I couldn’t find her email address on the website. (And yes, I am THAT big of a fan that I would actually consider writing to the author… I am such a dweeb sometimes).

I really wish Midnight Sun would someday be published. I would give up shopping for the next 6 months if it meant I get to read the book one day. (If you knew me at all, you’d know giving up shopping for 6 months is a very big sacrifice on my part). What would you give up for Midnight Sun?

Winter Fret.

It’s the cold season again and we’ve reverted back to Standard time. It’s quite depressing to know that the cold will only get worse from here and that the next few months will be spent wearing thick winter jackets, layers of clothing and boots. For those who enjoy the cool months, they are happily buying all sorts of winter gear, eager to see snow and go skiing up North. I on the other hand, am moping around, bracing myself for snow storms and time spent walking outside in the cold or waiting at the bus stop. I am no friend of winter.

I don’t get it… the fascination about winter I mean. I am honestly surprised every time I talk to someone who looks forward to the winter months and enjoys the cold weather. The conversation usually goes something like this…

Me: “I can’t believe it’s almost winter again… can you believe how cold it’s gotten in the last few days?”

Other Person: “Yeah… I know! I’m glad it’s getting cooler… I like the winter…”

Me (obviously baffled out of my wits): “REALLY?! You like the winter?! But WHY?!” (I’m not kidding… I even say it while whining… even when I am talking to clients).

And I proceed to go on as to why I think Winter should be abolished... it’s so cold, there’s too much snow, we have to walk in the slush, it’s cold, boots are expensive, the subway goes down a lot, it’s cold!!

Maybe I shouldn’t say that I want to abolish winter because I am being unfair to all the creatures that need winter to survive like the Polar bears and penguins. And I am against Global warming and I am all for protecting the environment and making sure the cold areas stay cold and the icebergs are intact and all that. But still… it is really, really cold! And uncomfortable! And awfully wet! And just really such a hassle!

I think I have difficulty understanding why others like the winter because I am not one of those people who grew up having four seasons. I grew up in the country where it is hot and humid all year long. I like the warmth. I like being able to go out in summer clothing and just being able to wear anything I want. I love being able to take walks and sit in a patio and go swimming. I love everything that comes with the summer. I may not be a big fan of humidity but I prefer it over flurries and cold, strong winds. I would rather by lying in a beach somewhere than be rolling in the snow.

As soon as autumn comes, I succumb to whining about why we even have to have winter. Or why we chose to move to a country that is cold almost all the time. I’ve tried to immerse myself in a bit of winter activity to help me appreciate the season… like ice-skating (which ended up with me leaving a scar on Steve’s shin) and tobogganing (which left me with a big head-ache and flu-like symptoms).

I haven’t tried skiing yet but my co-workers have heard me complain so much about the cold that they’ve pretty much agreed that I would not enjoy skiing because it is cold and wet and really difficult. I would like to try it sometime though. Just so I can say I’ve given it a try. And then maybe I can complain more after.

But yeah, this is me whining again about the winter that I can't seem to like.

Ironic!

Life just seems to so darn ironic sometimes...

• Whenever I have an appointment and I have to be somewhere for a specific time, I always feel as though public transit hatches this elaborate plan to make me late. Either the buses will be late or it will be driven by a driver who is moving at 40 kph (a person on rollerblades would probably be faster!). As if the slow moving buses aren’t enough of a nuisance already, there seems to always be someone getting off at EVERY ‘effin stop. So my usual bus ride of 10-15 minutes ends up taking twice as long! The trains will suddenly malfunction or some mechanical failure occurs and I’m stuck in a train in the middle of a tunnel. AND every person surrounding me seems to be moving at a much slower pace! There’s always someone either blocking my way or suddenly stopping at the top of the escalators as soon as they get off. Absolutely annoying.



• I always have plenty of change. In fact, too much that I find myself occasionally moving them to a different coin purse because they don’t fit in my wallet anymore. BUT ironically, the one time I actually need change is the one time I don’t have even a single penny with me.



• When I need a dress, a pair of jeans or shoes and I have the cash to spend, I can never find anything nice in the mall. When I don’t need it or when I don’t have the cash to spend, they’re everywhere… left, right and center.



• The one person I hope I don’t have to sit next to on the bus ironically chooses to sit beside me despite the many empty chairs.



• We have central heat in our condo which means that it is up to the super to turn on the heat during the cold months and turn it off during summer. Guess what? He keeps it off during the cool months and decides to turn it on as soon as the temperature warms up.



• When my calendar at work isn’t too hectic, none of our clients want training. They don’t even call or email. It’s just dead silent. BUT when I am swamped and my calendar is full and I barely have time to do anything, every client will call to ask for training or have some stupid question.



• We had a warm, sunny and beautiful summer. Too bad the weather was perfect during the weekdays when we had to be at work, trapped at our desks. But that’s not what’s ironic about it… the irony is that as soon as the weekend comes, it starts raining and it keeps raining until the weekend is over.

Mope-y.

Lately, JR and I have been looking at the mirror every few minutes, sighing and commenting on how much we have been breaking out. Every morning, right before I shower, I do a quick facial survey and this is what it sounds like in my head…

“Ahhh… good…good.. nothing there... oooooh… thank God that pimple’s going away…”

“…buti nalang that cream’s working… it better work dammit, I spent a fortune on the darn thing…”

“ahhh sh*t, may bagong pimple na naman?! Where the hell did that come from overnight??”

“Nakakainis.. ayoko na pumasok.”

And then I proceed to cover the pimply areas with my hands while I try to imagine how beautiful I would be if I had smooth, flawless skin. LOL.

Seriously, I think it’s unfair that I break out so much while others don’t have skin problems at all. I already have a lot of grey hairs (blame it on my really wonderful genes) so having acne-prone skin on top of it is just a big fat bonus. It’s so depressing.

I try to be optimistic. I tell myself there are a lot of people out there who have worse problems than I do and that it’s the personality that counts and not the looks (Hahahaha… yes, this is what helps me sleep at night). I know I’m being shallow but hey, people don’t see my personality from afar, they only see what’s outside so you can’t blame me for feeling a bit mope-y.

I’m 25 years old dammit, I shouldn’t be breaking out anymore! Hmph.

Goodbye Friend.

As I was entering Steve's office, he abruptly stood up, walked over to me and shielded my eyes.

He said, "I have to show you something..."

Immediately I was suspicious. Did he have a surprise waiting for me? Is it something scary? Some new information he knew I would love? Is it going to be something funny? What did he want to show me??

As I slowly walked, he positioned me to face the window, took off his hands and said, "Look... what do you see?"

At first I didn't notice anything. I didn't know what I was looking for, I didn't know what it was that he was trying to show me.

Then it hit me. I saw it.

The company across the street from us was landscaping. They had dug out their front lawn and I could see the various pots and plants on one side, waiting to be planted.

Horrified, I exclaimed, "OH NO! WHAT DID THEY DO TO MY BABIES?!" I was referring to the groundhogs that lived somewhere underneath their front lawn. Those adorable, little, furry creatures that I loved to watch frolicking on their lawn most afternoons. The same tiny creature whose photo I once posted here.

I was so upset and I get even more upset everytime I think about it. They were so innocent!

I am so so sad.

To read more about them, go here.

Bits

My boss is back from her honeymoon and that means that I can hand her back all the tasks I’ve been overseeing on her behalf. In a way I am glad that I don’t have to deal with it anymore but in a way I’m also a bit sad because although it was hectic and frustrating at times, it was good to have had that much responsibility entrusted to me. I was getting used to all that power. Haha!

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My cousin was in town for the long weekend to see us and also to help me with some wedding errands. The car broke down in the process but luckily enough, we were lent another car for the weekend. There were some running around and several hundreds of dollars were spent but I’m glad to report that we were quite productive.

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Nature has been kind to us lately. After my rant about how cold it’s been in the last few weeks, Mother Nature seemed to want to prove me wrong. It’s been very warm during the past few days and I am absolutely enjoying it (of course as soon as I write this, it will all turn to sh*t).

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There’s been a lot of stabbing going on in public transit that every time I have the inkling to fall asleep on the subway, the thought of being stabbed has been keeping me up. Unfortunately, it’s only keeping me up on the way home but I am still very much asleep on the way to work. In fact I am so drowsy that I have practically mastered the art of sleeping while sitting down and without leaning my head on anything. I must look like an idiot to the people around me but I figured I don’t know any of them and they will probably never see me again so what the heck!

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One of the first things we learn in school is how to follow instructions. I am amazed at how many adults never seemed to learn that. Case in point: there is a sign on the door that says to “Use other door” but people still continue to use it anyway. I figured that either some people don’t know how to read or they’re ignoring it on purpose. So management has decided to revise the notice by putting a note on one door that says “DO NOT use this door” and a note on the other that says “Use this door”. If people didn’t follow it the first time, I don’t know why management thought that by revising the notices, people would follow it this time. Maybe they should have just locked one door.