Ramblings of the Day.

I have read and re-read all of my Twilight books including the draft for Midnight Sun and I don’t think I will ever get over these books. No matter how often I read them, I still get that same giddy feeling the first time I laid my hands on them. They still keep me up late at night reading under the covers and imagining scenes and conversations. I still cry at all the sad parts even though I already know what’s next in the story. Every time I see a magazine with Twilight on the cover, I feel the urge to pick it up and browse through the contents, curious as to what new, interesting information I would find inside (as if I haven’t already read everything there is to read about it). I’ve watched the movie twice (once in the theatres and the other time over the internet). The movie was not great but it was ok… enough for me to want to watch more than once. I know I only like the movie because of the books. I think that had I not read or liked the books, I wouldn’t like the movie. But that’s just me.

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Don’t you wish sometimes that people would think first before they speak?

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I have been feeling very tired and irritable lately. I think it’s a combination of work-related stress and a bunch of other things that all seem to take place at once. Sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out. I just get so frustrated! It’s one thing after another. I try to do someone a favor and all I get in return are complaints. Very seldom do I get appreciation in return. I can’t help but feel a bit discouraged because the nicer I try to be, the harder it gets for me. Am I doing something wrong?

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One of the things I admire about my brother, JR, is his ability to be frank without sounding rude or offensive. He doesn’t let people push him around and he speaks his mind when he doesn’t agree with something. Unlike me who tends to be more of a “YES” person, he knows when to say yes and when to say no. He knows his boundaries, draws a clear line and demands that people respect it. He’s not afraid of confrontation and he doesn’t shy away from bosses or managers or people with titles. He says it as it is and I love him for it. I wish I was more like him in that sense. Confrontations are uncomfortable for me. I don’t always speak up even when I know I need to and that is why abrasive and overly aggressive people find me an easy target. I get upset and I let it fester inside me until it comes to a point where I can’t hold it in anymore and then I blow up. I could save myself all this trouble if I just learn to say something from the get-go. I am always afraid of hurting other people or saying something and having it come out wrong. Sometimes I am afraid that opening my mouth will lead to something worse. While I lie in bed at night, thinking of all the things that have hurt me during the day, my brother is sleeping soundly in his bed. He’s done his part… now if I can only do that too.

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Work is very busy but also very boring at the same time. As I type and QA at the same time, I am singing along to Glory of Love by Peter Cetera. How sad is that?