Passing the year.

I can't believe the year is almost up!

This is my fourth holiday season in Canada and I still find it weird that there are no fireworks outside and how quiet everything is compared to the Philippines. Every new year's eve I strain to hear even the faintest sound of fireworks and I'm always met with silence.

It's a habit of mine.. every new year's eve, we'd be at Quezon City spending it with family and relatives and I'd wait anxiously for midnight. In the meantime, the whole family would go to mass together, have dinner, listen to music and just talk and laugh and play games in the living room. I always looked forward to it because aside from Christmas, it was the one time of the year where I got to see and spend time with all my relatives. It's always fun and noisy and sometimes a little crazy.

Here in Canada, we try to stick to tradition as much as we can... going to mass on new year's eve, having an early dinner and preparing for media noche and all that... but I still find it very quiet. No phones ringing off the hook, no neighbors talking outside and no sound of fireworks in the distance. It's just really, really quiet.

I just spoke to my lola in Quezon City and in the background I could hear my aunts and uncles talking and how excited they were to hear from us. It feels so good to know that there are people on the other side of the world who think of us and who miss us and who love us very much even though we are very far from each other. There's nothing like Filipino family ties and Filipino friendships.

I read or hear about friends who came home for the holiday season and I can't help but feel a but envious... It would have been really nice to be able to come home to the Phils. even just for the holidays. I would have loved to see everyone.

Love This!

Every time I hear this song, I can't help but smile... it's a sad song but it's sung so wonderfully that I can't help but love it.

Blessings

Today while lying in bed, I thought about how blessed I am to have such a great, loving family and how blessed I am to have really wonderful friends who I know I can count on no matter what.

My dad's right, we may not have a lot of money, we may not have a big house or a nice car and we may not be able to afford nice things all the time but we have each other and to us, it is everything. I think about how we don't get to choose the families we are born into and I look at mine and I appreciate it all the more. I know I am lucky because not everyone gets to go home to a family like mine. I am lucky because I get a big hug from my brother almost everynight before I go to bed and I love yelling "Goodnight!" right before I enter my room and hearing 4 different voices greet me back even when they are busy. I love that when things are tough and when I'm upset or discouraged or anxious, that I have a family that listens and doesn't mind staying up late just so I can rant and get everything out of my chest.

Not only do I have a great family, but I am also blessed with such amazing friends who I may not see all the time and who I am not able to talk to as much as I want but everytime I need them, they are always there. Just the other day I was really upset about something and my first instinct was to go online and a very close friend happened to be online at the same time. I just started talking and venting and he was so patient eventhough it was midnight his time and he was probably tired and sleepy already. What touched me the most was the fact that he made sure I was ok before signing off. They're not great friends because they always agree with me and they're not great just because they're pretty or funny or smart... they're great because they really listen and not feel the need to always give advice or solve my problems, they're patient even when I am being unreasonable, they don't judge me even when I make mistakes and they tell me when I am wrong. I respect them because I know I can trust them to tell me when I'm being an idiot or being inconsiderate. I like that when I confide in them, I don't need to remind them to keep it to themselves.

There are different ways to measure success in our lives... and each person's idea of happiness and fulfillment varies. But to me, it will always be the people in my life that make all the difference. They will always be what matters most to me.

Proud.

Today I had another one of those moments where I realized my baby brother, Miguel, is really no longer a baby and that he is well into his teenage years.

I was trying to look for his email address so I could give it to my aunt. I thought I had it in my messenger contacts but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I remembered him adding me as a contact on his MSN live space so I figured I’d just access his page and I’ll find his email there. So with just a few mouse clicks I was on his page. I expected it to be a simple online page with, oh I don’t know, maybe an avatar or picture of some sort and maybe his email and messenger ID or something… but never in my life did I expect to see his blog!

I was really impressed! Although there were only 2 or 3 posts in it (mostly talking about his favorite animes and shows and his opinions on them), I thought it was still quite impressive. No grammar mistakes, no spelling errors and in full English too (oh ok, we speak English at home anyways so we’re all used to it) but I was just so proud! (and here I thought I was the only writer in the family...haha)

I don’t know how to explain it but it’s like seeing your sibling in a different light. Like seeing a side of him I never knew existed. I always knew he was smart (both my brothers are anyways) but seeing something concrete… proof of how smart and talented and witty they are is always such a pleasure. I get this warm fuzzy feeling of nothing but pure love and pride and fascination. It’s like, “look at my cute little brother and what he did and how good he is! Look, look, look!”

I can’t get over it! Just reading how he expresses himself and putting his thoughts into words and all that just makes me go… wow. I guess it’s more impressive to me because in my eyes he’ll always be my baby brother and every step he makes (no matter how small it may be) will always be big in my eyes.

Yep, it's final

When a man decides to leave, it does not necessarily mean that it’s a permanent arrangement. Often, men return or attempt a comeback. But when a woman decides to separate, it is usually with finality.

Loved this line from one of Jim Paredes' posts...

As soon as I came across this line, I found myself smiling and nodding in agreement. I always tell my male friends the same thing... and I also find that it is true for me. I'm the type that stays in a relationship for as long as I could until I can't anymore for different reasons. I've had people ask me why I decided to stick it out with my past relationships and almost always I answer with, "I wanted to make sure I gave it a good try.." At least that way I can look back at it and have no regrets. I can tell myself I've done what I can, I gave it my best shot and it just won't work. I don't want to be one of those people that ask themselves constantly what could have been if they had chosen to stay a little longer or had they given it another try.

I also find that most men, and by saying "most" by no means am I saying all men are the same, but yes, most men tend to realize only too late that they took for granted what they had. Women, on the other hand, will most likely stick it out, give it a good try (this might involve tons of girl talks, tears and several ups and downs) and although it make take awhile for a woman to say enough is enough, when she does get to that point, it's usually final. Women give this a lot of thought first before coming to a conclusion and most of the time, we weight the good and the bad and if the bad outweight the good and if we're not happy anymore, then it's probably best that we go.

I not an expert on relationships and what makes them work or fail. I, myself, am still learning new things everyday and sometimes what I think I already know, I end up questioning at some point. But whether a relationship works or not, we always take something out of it.

Christmas.

First off, a very blessed holiday season to everyone!

I celebrated Christmas at home with my family and Steve and although it was quite simple, it was still very enjoyable. I still can't get over the fact that it went by all too quickly and soon it will be another year.

The weather has also been nice lately. Still cold but it could be worse. Plus, no snow storms! (I have yet to post pictures from the previous snow storm here but I just keep forgetting to upload them!)

I'm glad that my family loved my gifts and it really feels good to give them something they liked. To be honest, I don't buy them much so when I do, I make sure it's something they'll like at least.

I still can't help but miss Christmas back home in the Philippines. I can't quite describe the feeling but it's just different. I miss the cool December mornings and warm afternoons, the kids charoling, the Christmas lights everywhere, Christmas songs on the radio, the hustle and bustle of everyone preparing for the big day and the Christmas trees in almost every house.

For some odd reason, I even miss the "Message cannot be sent" message on my cellphone on Christmas eve when trying to send text messages to friends and family because the network is jammed up with everyone trying to send greetings at the same time. You don't ever get that here in Canada unless you're outside your network or the network is down.

One day, I hope to be able to come home for Christmas. But in the meantime, I will make the most of my Christmases here.

The "Know Myself Better Test"

Found a link to this quick quiz on a friend's page and gave it a shot.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Holiday Rush

I did the last bit of my Christmas shopping last night and boy, I sure am exhausted (notice the use of the present form “am” as opposed to “was” because I am still very much exhausted even though I got 5 hours of sleep last night… I was so tired I think I barely moved in my bed). As usual, shopping at the very last minute during the holidays is a bad idea as the mall is always in such chaos and totally jam packed.

I wanted to get my parents some really nice stuff so I did a lot of walking, checking stores and prices and making sure that I was getting them the best present while still maintaining our budget (my brothers and I have decided to pool our money together). I knew my dad wanted this one sweater from Roots which he mentioned to me in passing the other day but I couldn’t find it (I think they ran out of it already) so I had to look for something else. The very small number of male-oriented stores in malls doesn’t help when you’re looking for a nice Christmas present for your dad. Then I couldn’t decide on what was a better present for mom and then when I finally decided on what to get for them, I had to get them wrapped. I must’ve gone back in forth through the entire mall atleast twice.

Then of course I had to carry them all the way home in the packed subway train and then outside in the cold and by the time I got home, it was already past 10 pm. I was thirsty, hungry (I hadn’t eaten anything since lunch) and just about ready to pass out. I was so hungry that I filled the entire plate with food, warmed it, and gobbled it all down in just 10 minutes. Whoa!

After rinsing my plate, putting it in the dishwasher with all the other dishes and running it, I began working on my Christmas cards (good thing I have green and red pens handy for the Christmas season).

It was past midnight by the time I slipped into bed and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was gone.

It’s amazing how much stamina and determination I have for shopping and yet have no will power to go to the gym. LOL.

Friends...Time... Distances

It’s amazing how much of an impact one person can have on you.

I think I’m terrible at keeping in touch with people (although Steve seems to think otherwise). Sure, I drop by a friend’s page every now and then to leave a message but I’m not particularly good at sending long emails on a regular basis. I don’t know why that is. Don’t get me wrong, I love my close friends so very much but I just can’t seem to develop the habit of constant communication.

It’s not to say that I don’t miss them because the truth is, I do miss them… a LOT. And I do wonder about how they are doing, where they are and what they’re doing. There isn’t a day that I don’t want to see them or hear from them.

Looking back at when I first met them, I had no idea back then how close we’d become and how important they would be to me. But through the years, I’ve grown to love them as if they were my own brothers and sisters.

Being in Canada makes it challenging to keep in touch as I’m not always in the most convenient time zone to call or chat (unless someone stays up ridiculously late at night). It also doesn’t help that some of us constantly travel so it’s a little hard to keep track of where people are at any one time. It’s obviously something we just have to learn to deal with and hopefully still be able to maintain close friendships despite the circumstances.

Of course I worry that there will come a time when we’ll be too caught up with the on-goings of our own lives that we might forget to keep in touch or that we’ll grow tired of each other and find new and interesting people to be friends with and share things with. People change and that’s a fact. As we grow older, we lose some friends and make all new ones. But even though I know that and that certain things are just beyond my control, I will still be sad if and when that happens.

Expenses.

Ever notice how fast your pay cheque slips through your hands? Sometimes it suprises me to find out how much of mine has disappeared in such a short amount of time that I immediately begin to think that:

a) someone has finally found a way to hack into my bank account and take my money.
b) my bank is secretly charging me fees that I don't know about.
c) I am being overcharged by one of my automatic debit bills.

Because I have no idea where my money went and the sum of my expenses (which I would tally in my head) don't add up right, I would end up checking my account for the last 10 transactions I've made.

For some reason, it rarely occurs to me that it must be the shopping I've been doing (which is funny because it almost always seems to be the cause).

And I always forget that I have items that automatically get debited off my account every month so that's always out the window. When you think about it, it's really the little things you spend money on that kill you in the end.

Lately, I have been looking at how much money I make and my expenses and I realized I should be able to save so much more than I am saving now. I just REALLY need to stop spending and learn to save more.

Some discipline is what I need.

Holiday Shopping.

I'm exhausted.

I decided it was about time I took care of some Christmas shopping so I passed by the Eaton Centre on my way home from work. I thought that I would be avoiding the crowd by going on a week night. It really didn't make a difference. It was packed and there were long lines everywhere. I know, I shouldn't have procrastinated on it.

It was a good thing that I already had an idea of what I wanted to get so it was a bit easier rather than going through the entire mall not knowing what to get. It was still a little painful weeding through the crowd and standing in line to pay but what can I do? It was worth it in the end because I got some really great gifts.

One thing I noticed, during this time of the year, a lot of men are carrying yoga/gym mats and doing a lot of shopping at Lulu Lemon. Of course I am assuming it's for their significant others. I just find it funny that all men seem to have the same idea for a gift. I must admit, it's quite endearing to see a guy in the subway carrying a pink mat.

There's still some holiday shopping left to do but I just have zero energy to do all of it this evening. I can only assume that the next few days won't be any better.

All Alone?

Steve and I, together with some friends, saw I Am Legend last Friday. We had been waiting for it for sometime now… the theatrical trailers were so good.

I somewhat knew the synopsis of the movie since I researched it before I even saw the movie and ruined it for both my brothers by telling them (sorry!). But even so, I still wanted to see the movie. I liked it although it was a bit traumatizing to think of the world that way. I remember wishing I was the only person in the world when I was little but after seeing the movie, the thought of being all alone in the world suddenly seemed so scary and downright awful. I don’t know what I’d do.

I’d elaborate further on this topic but then I’d hate to ruin it for the rest of you so I’ll let you guys watch it on your own.

Keeping the music playing.

Lately I've been thinking about people and the few couples out there who are lucky to have such great and loving relationships.

It must be amazing to spend every single moment of your life with someone who you are absolutely, crazy in-love with and who is just as crazy in-love with you. How rare it is to find something like that in life isn't it?

Where do you even begin? When you think about it, it's quite surreal how two people of completely different backgrounds, born into different families and who grew up in completely different environments meet at some point in their lives and click. The chances of that happening is quite rare and it's even more amazing for those that stay happy in-love together for the rest of their lives.

I am always left in awe of the couples I know, meet, hear, or read about who are clearly crazy about each other even after so many years of being together. It's almost as if the world would stop turning if the other wasn't there. I am most amazed at those who can still find wonder in each other's presence despite everything they've been through and despite everything they probably know about each other. Wouldn't it be amazing to wake up every morning beside someone who knows you inside out and still loves you so very much?

How often do you see couples eating breakfast together or sitting at a porch or at a park bench just talking and enjoying themselves? How many couples do you see who after being together for so long still miss each other when they are apart? Most importantly, how many couples do you know out there who still do sweet little things for each other?

It's difficult as it is to find someone to be with, difficult to make it work and then have to make it last.

As James Ingram would sing, how do you keep the music playing?

Babies are good judges!

I came across this interesting article posted on Yahoo:

Babies gravitate toward good Samaritans, study says
By Tom A. PeterWed

Six- and 10-month-old babies are much more capable judges of character than previously thought. Not only can infants pick out a good Samaritan, they tend to identify with them, according to a Yale University study published in the journal Nature.

The study released last month presented babies with a diorama-like display of an anthropomorphic circle struggling to make it up a hill. Just when it appeared that all hope was lost, a heroic triangle appeared, and pushed the circle to the top. The round climber bounces, clearly elated to have reached the summit. The same scenario is played out again, only this time a square appears at the top of the hill and pushes the circle to the bottom.

The babies were then asked to pick a toy – the helper or the hinderer, as scientists called them. One hundred percent of 6-month-olds and 87.5 percent of 10-month-olds chose the helper. The results were consistent even when the triangle and the square swapped places as good guy and bad guy. In several other iterations of the experiment, the helper, regardless of shape or color, won out.

"Babies are very competent socially," says Kiley Hamlin, lead author of the study. "They can figure this kind of stuff out without people explicitly teaching what's nice and not nice and who's nice and who's not nice."

In another component of the study, researchers showed the circle choosing to sit with the helper or the hinderer. In this instance they found that 10-month-old babies were far more adept at noticing something seemed strange when the circle decided to sit with the hinderer. (They figured this out by how long the baby watched the helper or hinderer pair up with the circle, working under the assumption that babies, like adults, study something that appears out of the ordinary.)

While other research has shown that babies make assessments about people based on their physical appearance – they gravitate toward attractive people – these new findings show more complex levels of judgment.

"In any species that needs to cooperate as much as humans do … we always need to know who might be a good cooperator and who might not," says Ms. Hamlin.

Meme

Nicked this one from Violet

Do you own a gun?
Nope.

What do you think of hot dogs?
Tender Juicy (a Philippine brand – believe it or not) is still my favorite. I have a theory too – hotdogs sold on the street tastes better. LOL

What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Water or coffee.

Can you do push-ups?
I can do a few and then I’ll roll over to my back, gasping for air and thinking that I am going to die.

What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
Earrings. I almost never go out of the house without them.

What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex?
Wit? Charm? I don’t know! Hahaha

Middle name?
In the Philippines it would be mom’s maiden name but in Canada, they’ll consider my second name my middle name (confusing eh?)

Name three thoughts at this exact moment:

1. Why is time going by so SLOWLY?
   
2. What am I going to buy with my $500 gift?
   
3. I wonder how much my next pay cheque will be…

What time did you wake up today?
6:15 am

Current hate?
Slow databases

Name three drinks you regularly drink:

1. water
   
2. pop/iced tea
   
3. coffee

Do you own slippers?
yep.

What shirt are you wearing?
A brown tank top and a sweater on top.

Do you burn or tan?
Burn… easily too.

Favorite color(s)?
White, Blue… pastel colors mostly

Would you be a pirate?
Nah.

What is your favorite holiday?
Christmas

What songs do you sing in the shower?
I hardly sing in the shower and if I do, it’s because I’m having a last song syndrome.

What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Those puppets hanging in our bedroom wall. I don’t know what my parents were thinking hanging them there to begin with!

What’s in your pockets right now?
Nothing.

Last thing that made you laugh?
the site I mentioned in my previous post.

Best bed sheets as a child?
There’s one that was soft and had cartoon characters on it and it was white with a predominantly green design (aside from the cartoon characters, of course).

Worst injury you’ve ever had?
I can’t think of one right now.

Are your parents still together?
Yes.

Do you wish on shooting stars?
Not really. I’m lucky to even see one.

What is your favorite book(s)?
Just refer to my Book widget on the right side of this page.

What is your favorite candy?
I don’t have a favorite candy.

How is the weather outside right now?
A little cloudy and cold.

What was your first thought this morning when you woke up?
what am I going to wear to work?!

Die Hard.

Last night, Dad brought home the DVD for Live Free or Die Hard.

I didn’t see it in the theaters because I thought it would suck but when I saw it last night, I thought it was actually quite good. Of course there were scenes that made us go, “Yeah right, like that’s possible!” but it was still really entertaining nonetheless.

During the entire movie, my family kept referring to poor Justin Long as “MAC”. At the part where they go to see the “Warlock”, both JR and dad go “Oh look he’s going to see PC!” LOL. I think Justin Long will always be popularly known as “the MAC” from now on. I love those commercials by the way. Whoever came up with that concept was genius.

I wish I was as smart as those hackers featured in the movie. Not that I want to be a hacker… I just want to be as “talented” in figuring codes and making different algorithms. I think it’s geeky but cool.

Nakanampucha.

I came across this site while browsing through another person’s blog (this line seems all too familiar…how many times have I mentioned stumbling onto something from someone else’s page?? It’s amazing where one mouse click leads you. LOL)

http://nakanampucha.wordpress.com

Aaaannnyywwaayy, the site name caught my attention and I thought the site itself is pretty hilarious. I’m so glad I came across first thing this morning. It certainly made my day.

I couldn’t stop laughing and I’m just glad I have my own office or else everyone will think I’m nuts for laughing by myself.

Misleading.

Someone had sent the company boxes of Laura Secord chocolates which are now sitting in the kitchen for anyone who wants some. It’s one of those boxes with assorted chocolates inside and a small leaflet telling you what each kind is… it’s quite nice except that when you take a bite of the said chocolates, it never turns out to be what you expect it to be from the leaflet. So freakin’ annoying. I took a look at the leaflet and decided on a piece that was supposed to be white chocolate with pistachio inside. I took one bite and instead of a nut inside, it was cream! I read and re-read the leaflet and it clearly said pistachio nut.

Very misleading, indeed.

Shrunken?

Weird.

The other day I was going through my closet looking for something to wear and found some of my older sweaters from last winter. I tried them on but for some reason they’re a lot shorter and a little tighter. I don’t think I grew taller and when I weighed myself, it looked like I didn’t gain any weight either (unless the weighing scale is rigged).

I also noticed that none of the clothes I brought with me from the Philippines fit me anymore so I might as well give all of them away. My dad said maybe my clothes shrunk but I doubt it (after all, there were clothes I had never worn since I moved here which means they never went in the dryer so they couldn’t have possibly shrunk unless clothes shrink when they’re kept in your closet too long).

It’s about time that I did some closet-cleaning anyway. I need to sort my clothes and take away those that I won’t be wearing anymore. It’s getting too crowded in there.

I have made a resolution to stop spending (I know, I’ve said this a million times before) so older clothes will have to do. I really NEED to save MORE.

Teleserye

I was bored last night so I ended up going to YouTube and watching a bunch of videos. I was just randomly entering keywords in the Search Box to see what videos would come up and eventually I stumbled upon some old teleserye videos which I found quite interesting to watch. They were, of course, very very cheesy and quite shallow but entertaining nonetheless. I wouldn’t even dare mention which one it is. It’s quite embarrassing, you see. It was with Anne Curtis and Oyo Boy Sotto (ayan ha, I told you na who starts in it so it should narrow it down for you by much).

I couldn’t help it, I was so curious that one episode led to another until I had watched 18 episodes of it. The sad part was, all the other episodes after episode 18 are missing and they don’t have it on YouTube. By this point, I was already hooked and I needed to know what was going to happen next. So I went on ol’ trusted Google and searched for the missing episodes. It was so late already and I really needed to get some sleep so I settled with a website that had episode by episode synopsis all the way until episode 30. Of course it wasn’t as exciting as watching a video but at least I got to know what happened and how it ended.

There was one episode that got me crying and my dad just happened to enter my room at that point. He took one puzzled look at me, looked at what I was watching on my laptop, put two and two together and closed my bedroom door laughing.