The years go by...

5pm can’t come soon enough. It’s one of those slow Fridays where I find myself eagerly waiting to get off work and since I’m not overly busy, time seems to go by so much slower.

Last night while lying in bed, I was thinking of how fast the years go by. All of a sudden, 30 doesn’t seem that far anymore. I am still in my early 20s but I’ll hear a song on the radio and realize it’s been 10 years since that song came out. 10 years!! For me it sure seems as though it were only yesterday that song was on the weekly countdown. It made me realize that 10 years really doesn’t take that long to pass. I mean, highschool is almost 10 years ago. Gee. Sometimes I still think I had just graduated when in fact it’s been almost 3 years since I got my degree. 3 years… and yet so much has happened in those 3 years. So many things happen in a year!

When I was younger, I remember thinking to myself, “I’ve got lots of time… I’ve got so many years ahead of me…” but once you turn 18, the years just seem to go by and before you know it, it’s another year, another birthday. Now when I think about it, life really is short. If you’re lucky enough, you get to live to a ripe age of 80. But how many of us really do get the chance to grow old? I don’t even know how many years I still have left to live. At the rate years are going, I’ll be 40 and then 50 and then 60 and then I’ll die. And that’s it. Game over.

People I knew from school are getting married, having kids, buying houses, travelling… when just yesterday our major concerns were composed of school plays, cheering competitions, intramurals, surprise quizzes, staying awake in class, project deadlines, first boyfriends/girlfriends, and dances. All that time trying as hard as we could to be cool or “in” or atleast be normal enough not to be cast out. Before, we would speculate about what we’ll become after we finish school, what professions we were going to pursue, what kind of careers we were going to have, and who were going to date. At 14, 15 or even 16, we felt we were no longer kids and that we were grown up just because we were highschool students. We thought our first boyfriend/girlfriend was going to be our last. We thought we’d know what course to take after highschool. We thought we knew… or atleast we thought we had an idea of what to expect. And then we graduate from highscool, enter college and suddenly we realize it wasn’t as simple as we thought it would be. Some of us find ourselves second-guessing the path we chose. We break hearts and get our hearts broken, we fall, we get back on our feet and we realize we’ve changed… the people around us and our experiences shape us. Although in most ways we are the same, we really have changed in one way or another. Some for the better, some for the worse.

Although it is true that life is short, it really is pretty amazing. It’s a combination of highs and lows but everyday there’s something new… a new face, a new experience, a new feeling. There are a lot of good byes but there are also a lot of hellos. There’s just no knowing what to expect. Tomorrow could either bring a tear or a smile. But either way, it’s an experience that’s bound to teach us a thing or two. I may live to be 80 or I could die tomorrow, I could miss out on a lot of things, I could rise to great lengths… I just don’t know. All that I hope is that I take something meaningful with me when I go and that I’ve touched someone else’s life… that my life doesn’t go unnoticed, that I am happy and content. If I have this, I don’t really care how long I’ve had to live.

Funny Little Disaster

Of course where else could I possibly be but at my desk at work, typing away into oblivion. I’m actually running some tests on the next version of our software but it’s so boring that I would fall asleep if I didn’t take a break from it every now and then. Like Pao said in his blog, what would my blog be without my ramblings about work and being bored? LOL

Anyhow, Steve picked me up from the subway station this morning and gave me a ride to work. Very sweet. Rounding the corner to the office, we looked at the parking lot and realized that Mr. Pres’ Mercedes (It's a 2005, SLK 350) had been robbed of its rims and tires. It was literally balancing off a few blocks and the front was tilted against the pavement. We couldn’t believe it! We just had to laugh. Mr. Tech Manager wasn’t too happy about it since he was the one who left the car in the parking lot overnight when Mr. Pres had told him to bring it to the shop. Tsk tsk! Good thing Mr. Pres is out of the country and won’t be back till the weekend. So now, the car has to be fixed and ready by the time Mr. Pres comes back and everyone is supposed to keep it a secret. Who leaves a shiny, red Mercedes in a parking lot in the middle of an industrial area overnight anyways?! And guess what, no cameras! Dun dun dun dun… more like, dumb dumb dumb dumb… LOL

Sometimes I can’t help but laugh at all the things that happen in this company.

pppuurrffeeccttt weather!

Spring is finally here and me likes the weather today. –GRIN-

If only the weather would stay this way and not fluctuate between -5 and +15, it would be pppuuuurrrfffeeecccttt… At least I’ve been able to get my feet out of my boots and into wedges and I’ve been able to wear jeans without the discomfort of a thermal underneath and at least I’ve been able to temporarily put away my winter jacket in exchange for a light corduroy blazer and on certain days a spring coat. It’s been raining some days but I don’t mind the rain as much as the cold so I can tolerate it. I’m praying that weather would remain warm during the weekends instead of it being warm during the weekdays and cold on the weekends. That would suck big time.

I am so proud of myself, having done all my chores on Sunday and then getting a short nap afterwards. I have yet to organize my closet and put away clothes I will no longer be wearing. I am trying to decide as to whether I should go ahead and buy a dresser since my closet is becoming a disaster. I like to keep my things organized as much as possible. Just look at my desk at work!

Another reason to be proud is the fact that I, yes I had 2 shots Saturday night and didn’t even get drunk… I got a little dizzy and felt a bit sleepy but I didn’t feel sick or anything. It must be because I had dinner before and the shots I took were probably quite mild. But still, it’s an accomplishment for someone who doesn’t drink. I still don’t get it why so many people like to drink alcohol when it tastes so bad. I know I know you’re supposed to “acquire” a taste for it over time… but I’ve never acquired it and I don’t think I ever will. And what’s so good about drinking and getting a hang over the following morning any way?

Saturday night was a blast! Steve took me clubbing with a few of his cousins and their friends at Cheval downtown along King Street West. They knew the PR person for the club so we got in for free and we had our own VIP section. Very cool. Our drinks were paid for and we even had a few snacks and we didn’t have to spend a dime. Awesome! I’m not much of a club-goer and it was my first time being in a VIP section of a club getting VIP treatment so I was blown away. I was drinking water for the most parts except for the vodka and coke that Steve mixed for me by accident. Very little vodka and lots of Coke. And the 2 shots I had. I was so amused with everyone dancing around me even though I sucked at dancing. Steve was a much better dancer! It was probably because he wasn’t as shy and self-conscious as me. The music was good and everyone was just having a good time. Around 2am, most of us decided to go home since Steve and I both had church the following day while the others were hammered. I am so glad I went. It was quite the experience for me.

Where do butterflies go when it rains?

we've grown...

I was on Facebook this morning, thinking of changing my profile pic when I came across an old picture taken with a dear friend. I love that picture… it still feels like only yesterday we were sitting side by side under the sun with our picture being taken and now it’s been 3 years since and in a lot of ways we are all still the same but in a lot of ways we’ve also changed… I guess the proper word would be “grown”. Yes, we’ve grown…

absolutely amazing

Isn’t it amazing to look into another person’s eyes and see you? To know he/she sees you and loves you for you? To know that he/she adores you, accepts you, rejoices with you and cries with you? To know that in this big, big world, you do not go unnoticed because there is this special person whose life is complete because you’re in it?

Don't do it Karen!

Awww… darn it. I promised myself I would do my darndest to keep myself from spending too much and what happened? Whhaaattt happened?! I came out of Eaton Centre with a new lipgloss and a pair of new shoes. Both of which are absolutely gorgeous by the way. But still… Why can’t I walk through the mall and only get what I absolutely need? Why oh why can’t I pass through windows and not look? And why oh why can I not keep myself from trying on clothes and shoes and make up? I know for a fact that my eyes will always look through the window, I will see something I like and then I will want to try them on. All that time saying to myself, “You’re just trying it on… no harm in trying…” And of course it’s crap because I know for a fact that once I try it and it looks good, I’m definitely getting it. It’s an addiction I tell you!!

I’ve got a plan. I am going to look for pictures of the places I want to go to and place them strategically where I can see them and I will be reminded of why I need to save money. And then I will tell myself that I will be with my sweetheart on a beach somewhere so I better keep my money in my wallet if I ever want that to happen.

If worse comes to worse, I might just have to give my money to someone who will keep it away from me. Or I could get one of those bands that you put around the neck that would give me a shock of electricity everytime I stepped into the mall. LOL.

Every Little Thing

I love this song...


Let me in
to see you in the morning light
to get me on and all along the tears they come
see all come
I want you to believe in life
but I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away
will you find out who you are too late to change?
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

lift me up
just lift me up don't make a sound
and let me hold you up before you hit the Ground
see all come
you say your all right
but I get the strangest feeling
that you've gone away- you've gone away
and will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

Don't give me up
don't give me up tonight
or soon nothing will be right at all
salvation
will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted

Every Little Thing

Dishwalla

Remembering

I was purchasing some songs from iTunes and came across Air Supply: Greatest Hits. I couldn't resist it. I had to listen to some songs. Immediately, a thousand memories and emotions came back to me. It's funny how a song could bring back so many memories associated with it. It honestly caught me by surprise.

I remember summers spent in our tiny living room, front door open, wind blowing in and the scent of trees... i remember the sound of the fan, song playing on the radio, and everything was just quiet..peaceful. Between 1 and 4 pm in the Philippines, everyone seems to disappear and everything is still.. except for the slight bustling of leaves. People at home are asleep... siesta. My nanny would ask me to sleep... "afternoon nap.. good for you.. go lie down now.." I would always beg.. beg to be allowed to stay up and play. I'd either be given an extra half an hour to play or I had to go lie down. Nap time was never negotiable. It was always mandatory. You'd think after all those afternoon naps and the amount of milk I drank back then, I would have grown a bit, gotten a little taller atleast, but no. I think I barely stretched.

There's something about growing up in one place. You tend to fall in-love with it..the place, the people, the little things that surround you... the garden where I spent so many afternoons playing hide and seek, the big tree in the front yard with bright, yellow green leaves, the may flowers (we didn't know what they were called but we called them May flowers since they always bloomed in May when the first rain started to fall.. then they would lie dormant the rest of the year), the shrubs beside the house that had sap that made you itchy, the gates surrounding the house which we had painted white one afternoon, the rooftop where JR and I were only allowed to sit on once in our entire life... so many other little things that are just forever etched in our hearts and minds.

I will always miss the place where I grew up.

a bit of slack time

Why is it so hard for some people to follow instructions? Arrgghh!!

Don’t mind the first line, I just needed to vent.

Anyhow, the past couple of days have been super nice. It really felt like Spring! Unfortunately, it looks like this weekend will be chilly again. Bummer. It’s so depressing to think of the weekend being cold especially when I know I’ll be going out of the house. I hate going out in the cold and having to wear so many layers and still feel cold.

I know I’ve been neglecting my page. I’ve just been really swamped at work and at times I feel overwhelmed. So far I’ve been able to do 3 things at the same time. I’ll be on the phone training a client while writing some marketing blurb for our corporate website and mentally keeping track of all the other things I need to do as soon as I get off the phone. This does not count all the times I signal outside my window to co-workers asking me questions and silently mouthing the answers. Steve said it’s hard to believe how I’m able to do so many things at the same time. Told him, I’ve been practicing multi-tasking since I was in school and I really have no choice. There are so many things I need to do and so little time to do all of them. Right now I just feel exhausted. Physically and mentally. I’ve been quiet all morning, answering e-mails and setting up client databases and I think I must look different or must have been too quiet because several people have asked me whether I was feeling ok. I think I’m going to do a bit of shopping after work and de-stress. LOL.

You must be thinking, “if she’s got so many things on the go, what the hell is she doing blogging?”. Good question! If you must know, if I don’t write now, I’ll be screaming my head off at the end of the day. Writing is always a good stress reliever. Plus, I write pretty fast so I’ll be done with this post in a few minutes and I can get back to what I was doing.

Boardgames

If there's one thing you should know about me, it's the fact that I absolutely love playing boardgames.

It must be from all those afternoons spent in my grandparents' house in QC playing boggle, snakes and ladders, scrabble, and bingo (although I don't think Bingo is a baordgame) with my cousins and all those times I played Monopoly with my neighbors.

A couple of months ago I learned how to play Taboo, courtesy of the Jacobs' and the gang. It was soo much fun! I could play it all night if I wanted to. And then last night, steve, and some of our friends decided to play Balderdash and Pictionary. I've never played before so they had to teach me the rules of the game. I didn't do so bad, considering I've never played them before. It was hilarious! Steve and Danny took the game seriously and wanted to win real bad while Dave, Georgina and I were just laughing our heads off. Winning is nice but it's playing the game that makes the whole thing so much fun.

Danny and Steve ended up winning. For now anyways...

Bored

It's funny... I came across someone else's page and she wrote about how often do we find ourselves wanting something so bad for so long and when we finally get it, we're not so sure we want it still. I found myself nodding in agreement because I know exactly how it feels. It's sorta like my crushes... I like them but if they went after me, I wouldn't go for it. Weird huh?

Anyhow, I've been pretty good with getting to work super early for the past week or so. I love being one of the first people to arrive at the office. I dunno why.. I just feel more relaxed that way. I can walk in and not have to work right away. I can just grab a cup of coffee, have breakfast and spend a few morning minutes chatting with co-workers and having a laugh or two. Not that they're strict at work anyway, even if I walked in at exactly 9am, I could still grab coffee, eat breakfast and chit chat a bit.. but I wouldn't be as comfortable.. there will still be that nagging thought at the back of my head telling me I need to check my e-mail, voicemail and start my work day.

Miguel just asked me if I had Facebook and I told him I did. He just added me so I decided I should go check out his page. I just realized my baby brother really is a teenager now. He's got a totally different lingo and he's acting and talking like a teenager.. but a good teenager if I may say so. He still and will always be the baby of the family.

Super sleepy... must go to sleep.

Ha! Two Hundred!

My beloved page has reached another all-time high! This is officially my two hundredth post! I would have reached two hundred posts a long time ago had I not slacked off on posting. I'm still quite proud... I never thought I'd write this much when I started.

All the more reason to keep writing! Cheers!

When I See You Smile

Sometimes I wonder
How I'd ever make it through,
Through this world without having you
I just wouldn't have a clue

'Cause sometimes it seems
Like this world's closing in on me,
And there's no way of breaking free
And then I see you reach for me

Sometimes I wanna give up
I wanna give in,
I wanna quit the fight
And then I see you, baby
And everything's alright,
everything's alright

When I see you smile
I can face the world, oh oh,
you know I can do anything
When I see you smile
I see a ray of light, oh oh,
I see it shining right through the rain
When I see you smile
Oh yeah, baby when I see you smile at me

Baby there's nothing in this world
that could ever do
What a touch of your hand can do
It's like nothing that I ever knew

And when the rain is falling
I don't feel it,
'cause you're here with me now
And one look at you baby
Is all I'll ever need,
you're all I'll ever need

Chorus

Sometimes I wanna give up
I wanna give in,
I wanna quit the fight
And then I see you baby
And everything's alright,
everything's alright

So right...

When I See You Smile
Bad English

For my college friends who I miss everyday...

Sleep...need it

oh boy I'm exhausted from work today. On top of it, stubborn ol' me decided to pass by the mall on the way home because I somehow convinced myself it was necessary. I thought of a particular shirt I wanted to get from Hollister but for the life of me, I cannot justify why oh why I would go out of my way to pass by the mall and get it eventhough all I felt like doing is crawl into bed and sleep. For those who are curious, no, I didn't end up getting the shirt I had in mind. It didn't fit me well. Yeah...go figure.

Atleast I didn't have to do the dishes tonight.

Funny, Tim had sent me a message and I replied to it only to realize later on that it had a gazillion spelling mistakes. This is what I get for attempting to do anything else but sleep. This is sleep deprivation getting revenge on me. I hastily sent him another message telling him I was sleep deprived hence the spelling boo boos... hey, I didn't want him to think I was a natural idiot.

I have a new theory: if I keep my bedroom door open, I seem to have a better wireless internet connection. This is partly good news because it means all I have to do is open my door if my internet sucks. This is also partly bad because it means I paid for an N wireless router only to find that I still need to keep my bedroom door open to get a stronger signal.

My bed is my friend today. I better go say hi to my friend. Sleep is the dominant word ringing in my head.

Annoyed

4 posts till 200! I can’t believe how much I’ve written since I started my page. I’ve been slacking off recently though... just finding it difficult to think of anything to post about.

Very annoying that Mr. Pres.’s back from wherever it is he came from. I was really hoping we wouldn’t see him for a month or so. He just ruins everything and he’s really just getting in the way instead of giving us direction. I am annoyed with him all the more today because he has taken precious time away from me. I overheard him say he’ll be leaving a week from now. Why can’t he leave tomorrow morning instead? It’s not like anyone would miss him anyway. Sorry guys, just really pissed off right now so I am venting.

Looks like tomorrow will be another chilly day. Oh sorry, let me rephrase that… I meant to say that tomorrow will be FREEZING! I guess I’d better wear layers. Dammit, where’s spring?!

Memories

It is such an amazing feeling to be sitting across the table from someone or just sitting in the car talking. I can think of so many conversations with so many different people and the ones that remain in my memory the most are those conversations I shared with someone who made me feel like they really understood and that every word I said mattered even though what I might have been saying didn't necessarily make a lot of sense.

Looking back in my life, I realize it's the little things that I remember the most. A person's smile, the scent of the morning, conversations, meaningful experiences, thoughtful gestures... sometimes I even surprise myself when I recall certain things from my childhood that I thought I would have forgotten by now. There are things I remember so vividly. Nothing big. Just little things that made such an impact in my life or things that have stayed, forever locked up in my heart. Some memories are good, some are bad. Some made me cry, some made me laugh. But mostly just things and experiences that helped shaped me into the person I am and remain as a constant reminder that although life can be painful sometimes, it is also beautiful.

I wonder, several years from now, what memories will I be keeping?

A normal day

This morning started out really bad. Mum woke me up at 6am to inform me that we had no power which means we have no heat, no light, and no water. She suggested that I skip work altogether since I can't walk out of the house straight from the bed. I, of course, agreed. I too do not wish to walk out of the house without atleast brushing my teeth and washing my face. I need to take a bath everyday. If I can't take a bath, I'm not going anywhere.

To make the story short, the power eventually came back on. If it hadn't, I would have been disappointed. This is North America after all. A first world country. If I were in the Phils, losing power for a few days is pretty normal.

Anyhow, I came across a friend's blog and came across a post he wrote about some of the things he wants to be able to accomplish this year. I must say I am pretty impressed with his ambitions. He is a smart guy after all. Probably one of the smartest people I've known in my entire life so far. But looking at what he's already done and the things he wants to be able to do, just makes me look at my life and go, "What the hell am I doing with mine?" I suddenly feel the need to go out there and study some more, take more certifications, just freaking do more! I probably shouldn't be comparing myself to him of all people. He is super smart and can probably do anything he wants to do.

I was just thinking, how many of us really end up doing what we want to do?