In my opinion...

Tina has blogged about it. Suzy has blogged about it. I might as well blog about it too! =P

How do you know when you’ve met ‘the one’ for you?

As I mentioned on Suzy’s blog, as little girls we dream of a prince on a white horse coming to sweep us off our feet. Many of us have our minds set on finding ‘the one’. I have to say, Suzy was right when she mentioned romantic movies depicting lovers who meet and instantly fall in-love with each other and everything else falls into place and they knew right away they were meant for each other is unrealistic. Although the idea of having someone to love and love us back is certainly something we all want, it isn’t right to say that we should all jump on the wagon without looking at it in the right perspective. It is the idea of loving and being loved in return, the idea of having someone you can share your life with and the belief that true love exists in this messed up world is, I guess, the main reason I love watching romantic films. It is not to say that I agree with the concept of a ‘soul mate’ depicted in these films. Another thing that bugs me is the concept of ‘Love at first sight’. How can you possibly say that you love a person when you don’t know anything about him/her? Love takes time. It doesn’t happen in an instant.
I once asked my mom how she knew that my dad was the right man for her and she told me, “You never know sweetie. You can spend your entire life together and die and you still wouldn’t know.” I asked my dad the same question and he told me, “There is no way of knowing… it’s all about the choices you make – who you choose to spend the rest of your life with. It is not always asking yourself who you cannot live without, rather, it is who you see yourself living with – someone who shares and understands what is important to you and helps you grow…”

Suzy wrote, “…I mean I always used to say technically there are so many guys I could have dated for years, sweet, smart loving guys (because I mean it has to be someone I can at least have intellectual convos with otherwise shoot me) – hell I could have been happily married to one of them. Statistically speaking so many of us could have ended up with someone different had the circumstances been different why? Because it all depends on what we thought at the time was a “good relationship”… or if we were “wanting to get with a guy asap” or whatever motivation we might have had…” – I strongly agree with her statement. I’m not yet married but I do know that looking back at the relationships I’ve had (both romantic and friendly), I know for a fact that at that time, I saw myself marrying that guy. I have several close guy friends, guys I’ve shared so many experiences with, and all of whom I must admit I can see myself having a romantic relationship with or even, possibly, marrying. First of all, there is no such thing as a perfect man so to say that there can only be one specific person for you is ridiculous. I’ve stopped looking for signs. You don’t hear bells, there’s no singing, no flashing lights and no flashbacks nor visions of a previous or future life. It just doesn’t happen that way. Period.

As Tina quoted, “…Then let's say God puts two people on Earth and they are lucky enough to find one another. But one of them gets hit by lightning. Well then what? Is that it? Or, perchance, you meet someone new and marry all over again. Is that the lady you're supposed to be with or was it the first? And if so, when the two of them were walking side by side were they both the one for you and you just happened to meet the first one first? Or, was the second one supposed to be first? And is everything just by chance or are some things meant to be…?” My mom used to say, “Lucky are those that find true love twice in their lives…” I am not saying that we should go ahead and have more than one partner just because there can be more that one right person for you. I just think it is best to consider your options. Don’t get caught in the moment and don’t rush into a relationship just because there is a need or a want that needs to be satisfied or because it makes you feel good. However, I am also not saying that you should jump from one relationship to another or refuse to commit because you are constantly looking around.

A lot of us mistake attraction with love. I have to agree with Suzy when she said that maturity plays a part. It takes time to know oneself. Heck, I’m still learning new things about me everyday and the more I discover myself, the more I realize what it is that I need and want and the difference between the two. Every person and every experience I come across with teaches me a thing or two. Each one of us has a picture, an idea of what kind of partner we are looking for but there is no such person who will embody all of the characteristics we want. How often do you hear a woman/man say she/he wants someone who is attractive/handsome, smart, understanding, able to provide, loving, sweet, accomplished, kind… we make the mistake of putting our partners on a pedestal even before we meet them. If you ask the people who are happily married if they married their ‘ideal partner’, they don’t say yes! Just like what Tina is saying, we should learn to ‘negotiate’. Try looking for a partner who loves and respects you and has your love and respect in return, who shares the same values as you, someone you can grow with and who looks at the same direction as you. As my dad puts it, “It is important not only to have love but that you and your partner are willing to make it work, to give it your best shot.” I love hearing my dad tell me, “You must remember that you cannot force your partner to be like you, to think or act like you because he is not you. You are two completely different people, who grew up in two different environments, who have different opinions… but what is important is that the two of you are looking at the same direction.”

There so many people out there who might be just as compatible with you as the person you are with now. Keep an open mind and when you decide to enter into a relationship with someone, give it your best, learn from it and see where it takes you.